5 Rules for Creating a Happy Life

The mistake many people make is that they go in search of a happy life.  They look high and low for the best mate possible.  Or they fret over what would be the best place to live or the best career.  But here is the secret about life: A happy life can’t be found.  Rather, a happy life is created.

For example, you can search the whole world and find someone who you believe is the most attractive, kindest and smartest person imaginable.  But marrying that person isn’t necessarily going to make you happy.  The person with whom you will be most happy is the person with whom you take the time to build a great relationship.  In short, you can’t find a good relationship.  Good relationships are created over years and even decades.

Similarly, you can’t find the best place to live, and you can’t find the best career.  The best place to live is a place where you’ve spent decades developing friendships and becoming part of the community.  And the best career is the one for which you’ve taken years to learn your craft and hone your skills.

In short, happy lives aren’t found.  So, if you are running all over the globe in search of a happy life, my suggestion is that you stop.  Your search is going to be fruitless.  Instead, commit to creating a happy life.

Below are 5 rules for creating a happy life.  Follow these rules and create the happy life that you desire.

Rule #1: Don’t Let Other People Influence Your Big Life Decisions

The worst way to make life decisions is to focus on pleasing your spouse, parents or some other family member.  Because ultimately, those folks aren’t going to have to live with your decisions.  You are! 

For example, when I was in my twenties, I chose a career path that didn’t truly interest me.  I simply chose that career in order to please my parents.  At the time, in my heart, I knew what I really wanted to do for a career. But I mistakenly allowed my parents’ desires to influence my decision-making. 

In fact, I can tell you that every choice I’ve made in life that was influenced by others or that was done to please others was a massive mistake.  Because the truth is that other people don’t know what is best for you.  Only you know what is best for you.  Whereas every choice I’ve made that was based on my own judgement has been a good one. 

So, if you want to create a happy life, stop listening to other people and start listening to yourself.  Listen to your gut and make your life choices based on what you know will make you happy.

Rule #2: Be Peaceful at All Times

Not one of us is perfect. At times, we all can offend other people. And other people can offend and upset us, as well. But telling people off every time you get offended will not result in your having a happy life. Instead, your life will be miserable. And worse yet, you’ll irritate everyone around you.

Unfortunately, many people don’t value having peaceful relationships.  Instead, they mistakenly believe that it’s more important in life to be “honest” and to express their feelings.  I can assure you that expressing your every thought and feeling isn’t a good idea. 

For instance, I can have some fairly unsavory thoughts about people at times.  But I don’t express them!  Why would I?  I don’t feel the need to share my every thought and feeling, and I can assure you that others aren’t interested in hearing them.  What I’m interested in is creating a happy life for myself.  And the easiest way to have a happy life is to have peaceful relationships with others.

So, if you want to create a happy life, be peaceful.  Don’t express every negative thought that pops into your head.  That only will make your life (and everyone else’s) worse.  Instead, exercise some self-control.  Be positive and kind at all times.  If you do so, your life will be peaceful, pleasant and happy. 

Rule #3: Take Time Each Day to Care for Someone or Something

There is a wonderful quote from John Bunyan which says, “You have not lived today until you have done something for someone who can never repay you.”  Frankly, if you wanted to choose a rule by which to live your life, I would suggest that one.

Over the years, I’ve observed people who lived solely for themselves.  They only did what made themselves happy.  Sacrificing for others made them uncomfortable because they feared being “taken advantage of.”

The problem with that view is that it misses the point of life entirely.  Realize that you were put on this earth to make it a better place and to help others.  Period.  So, if you help someone who can’t possibly help you in return, you simply are fulfilling your purpose on this earth.  If you go through life expecting every interaction to have some sort of payback, you’ve failed to understand why you are here.

In addition, helping others, whether they be people or animals, changes us for the better.  For example, I have a friend who spends all her non-work time helping others.  She spends her time helping her husband and two sons.  And when she isn’t helping them, she’s helping her parents and in-laws.  On top of that, she works tirelessly for our local food pantry.  Realize that not one of those folks, with the exception of her husband, can help her in return. 

Now, you might think that she would be crabby and exhausted.  Or that she would be frustrated by doing so much for others who cannot do anything in return for her.  But it’s quite the contrary.  She is a delightful, relaxed, happy person.  That’s because helping others solely for the joy of helping is the key to happiness.

So, if you want to create a happy life, make sure that you spend part of each day helping someone who can’t possibly help you.  Help people and animals who might benefit from your kindness.  I promise that your efforts will result in your being happier than you could have imagined!

Rule #4: Cultivate a Kind and Supportive Inner Circle

It’s hard to have a happy life if you live with or work with difficult people.  Difficult people are like a cloud over your life.  No matter how happy you try to be, they’ll put a damper on your happiness.

Now, you may think, “Well, if I’m kind and generous and present a good example, the difficult people in my life will change and follow my example.”  If only that were the case.  You can present an example of how to be a wonderful, gracious human being, and the difficult folks will still be difficult anyway.  Some people are just like that.

So, the key to a happy life is to limit your time with difficult people.  Or, you can try to avoid them altogether.  Instead, spend your time with an inner circle of folks who are gentle, kind and supportive.  Over the years, I’ve worked very hard to create a tight inner circle of a few chosen people.  These few are not only are kind and generous, but I truly admire them for their personal ethics. 

What I’ve learned is that having the right people in my inner circle has had a profound effect on my happiness.  If you have the right people in your inner circle, happiness comes easily.  That’s because good, kind, generous people will help you to feel positive and supported, no matter what life sends your way. 

So, cultivate an inner circle of kind and supportive people.  It may take time and effort.  But once you are spending the bulk of your time with the right people, you will be on track to creating a very happy life.

Rule #5: Work Hard

Hard work is satisfying.  We reap so many benefits from hard work.  For instance, if our work is compensated, then we are able to earn money and have financial security.  And if we do uncompensated work, such as caring for our homes and families, we have a nicer place in which to live and happier family members.  Moreover, when we work hard at anything, we develop new skills, or we hone the skills we already have.

What I’ve observed is that people get depressed when they don’t work.  For instance, I’ve seen that there is inverse relationship between the amount of television you watch and your happiness.  The more time you spend watching television (or doing other equally unproductive activities), the more depressed you will be.

Now, I’ll concede that there is a time for unproductive activities.  After a long week of work, you might want to kick back and watch a movie on a Friday night.  We all need downtime on occasion.

But if a significant part of your week is spent on the couch, watching television (or surfing the Internet) and not accomplishing anything, you’ll become depressed.  That’s because happiness comes from doing.  It comes from accomplishing things.  When you zone out in front of the television (or the computer), you are simply watching other people do and accomplish things. 

So, if you want to be happy, work hard.  Earn money.  Learn new skills.  Accomplish something!  The satisfaction that comes from doing will give you a high that you cannot get from any drug.

If you are seeking to create a happy life, consider following the 5 rules above.  If you do, you’ll create the happy, relaxed, fulfilling life that you desire. (To read about ways to increase you serenity and find inner peace, click here.)