Recently a friend of mine turned 50. When I asked him what he wanted for his birthday, he said, “Peace.” I fully understood his birthday wish. We all seek a peaceful life.
Like my friend, the older I get, the more I value having a peaceful life. But given the world we live in, I know that such a life doesn’t just happen. It has to be created. Consider the following ways to create peace in your life, and see your happiness increase!
To Create A Peaceful Life, Stop Dealing with Conflict-Oriented People
Once you become a self-supporting adult, you get to pick and choose who you deal with. So, choose wisely. Choose to deal with people who are positive, kind, gentle and peaceful.
I find aggressive people to be distasteful. As a result, I won’t deal with them. It matters little to me who they are. I don’t care if I am related to them, or if I work with them. If people are hostile and aggressive, I limit my interactions with them. Life is short, and I won’t spend my precious time on this earth dealing with those types of people.
In fact, realize that you are under no obligation to deal with anyone. You aren’t obliged to deal with hostile parents. You aren’t obliged to deal with a hostile spouse. That is why we have divorce laws. And if you work with aggressive people, find another job.
I value my peace more than anything else. So, my rule is that if people want to be in my life, they need to act in a peaceful and gentle manner.
Stop Arguing with Other People
The problem with arguing is that it is ineffective. You will never change someone’s mind by arguing with them. No one has ever changed my mind by arguing with me. They’ve only irritated me.
If you feel the need to argue with someone, take a step back. Realize that arguing is a waste of time. It destroys relationships and accomplishes nothing.
We tend to argue when we want another person to agree with us, or to act in a certain way. The problem is that you can’t bully people into believing what you want them to believe, or into doing what you want them to do. I suppose you can in a limited way. But ultimately, they will resent you for it.
So instead, choose to be peaceful. Don’t argue. Agree to disagree. Let others have their beliefs, even if you think that they are mistaken! Let others do what they want, as long as it doesn’t interfere with your quality of life.
For example, I won’t argue with my daughter about whether she does her homework while listening to music or in silence. How she approaches her homework is her choice. But I will argue with her about whether her room is tidy and her bed is made. Whether her room is clean affects the appearance of my house, and therefore, it affects my quality of life. So, that is one of the few topics that she and I might argue about!
For Peaceful Living, Develop a Calm Mind
To create a peaceful life, you need to to develop a calm state of mind. Our minds, ideally, should be like a still pond. Someone may throw a pebble in and create a small ripple. But the pond quickly resumes being still. Similarly, when someone does something to upset us, we may be momentarily irritated. But we should be able to quickly resume having a calm state of mind.
It takes work to have a naturally calm mind. One way to cultivate calmness is to practice meditation. When we meditate, we stop thinking and worrying. We quiet our minds. We simply exist and breathe. When we slow life down in that way, it calms us.
I try to practice meditation whenever I get wound up. Simply listening to a guided mediation helps me to break the anxious thinking that I was engaging in.
It also helps to have a calm home environment. While we cannot control what we may encounter in the world, we should strive to have a peaceful home life. There are few things more harmful to our minds than having stress in our homes. Our homes should be a place where we can escape the stressors of the world.
It’s awful to be unable to relax in your own home due to living with difficult people, or due to living in a mess created by others. I’ve experienced both, and my stress levels during those periods went through the roof.
These days, I will not tolerate either situation. I demand that my house be clean, tidy and conflict-free. It needs to be a place where I can relax and be at peace. That is because my peace is critically important to me.
Think about using some of the above approaches to create peace in your life. You deserve to be in relationships with people who are gentle. You should live in a home that is tidy, serene and relaxing. In short, you deserve to have a life that is peaceful. (To read more about creating a peaceful life, click here.)
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