If you occasionally experience feelings of hopelessness, know that you are not alone. At some point in life, every person feels hopeless. It will seem as though your circumstances can never change. Or perhaps you may feel that the problem you are facing simply is not fixable. It is during such trying times that we each need to figure out how to be hopeful, in spite of our circumstances.
The challenge is that the world won’t encourage you to be hopeful. Instead, the world will tell you to be “realistic.” So, if you’ve made a lot of mistakes in life, folks will tell you that it is “unlikely” that you can turn your life around. Or, if you were born into poverty or a dysfunctional family, people will say that you are destined always to be poor and dysfunctional. So, you may as well accept your lot in life.
Well, here is reality. People overcome their circumstances all the time. People overcome impoverished, dysfunctional upbringings and end up doing great things (look at Oprah). Some people beat life threating illnesses, like cancer. Others come out of prison or drug addiction to do great things with their lives. So, being hopeful is, in fact, being “realistic.”
However, while you are going through difficulty, it can be hard to maintain a positive outlook. Below are ways to be hopeful, even in trying times. Apply these approaches so that you can be more resilient when life is hard and be hopeful for a better future.
To Be Hopeful, Recognize That Every Day Is a Chance for A Fresh Start
Do you remember when you were a kid and you struck out at bat or didn’t catch the ball during a game? If you felt badly about it, your gym teacher may have said, “Too bad. There are no do overs.”
Well, games may not have “do overs,” but life does! In fact, every day is a chance for a fresh start. Today, you can look for a new job which fulfills you. You can leave a dysfunctional relationship. Today, you can start to give up an addiction or unethical behavior.
When you consider that every day is a chance for a fresh start, life no longer it seems hopeless. Rather, it seems full of hope! Because you have the power to start turning your life around on any given day.
For example, I remember a period when my life was going downhill. My career was non-existent. I was in a bad relationship. I felt very stuck and couldn’t see a way to turn my life around.
And then one day, I just decided, “Enough. Life is too short to spend my time being miserable.” So, I made some dramatic changes to my life. And within 9 months, I had a great job and a terrific new relationship. Those 9 months weren’t easy, but fixing your life never is.
The key to changing my life was realizing that I wasn’t trapped in my situation. Rather, I had the power on any given day to take steps to change my life circumstances for the better. So, be hopeful! Know that today is the day that you have the power to make a fresh start.
Be A Source of Hope for Someone Else
Sometimes when we feel like our lives are hopeless, it helps to stop thinking about our own problems, and turn our attention toward helping others. Helping others always makes you feel good. It feels good to know that you’ve brought happiness to another person.
Moreover, helping others is empowering. If you have the power to help someone else, then you have the power to help yourself! You have the power to fix your problems, and turn your life around. And that is a reason for hope!
When we help others, it also gives us a break from thinking about our own problems. And that break gives our brains some time to creatively come up with solutions. I know that in my own life, if I am worrying about an issue, it often helps to just stop thinking about it. When I give my brain a break from worry and focus on something else, my subconscious then has a chance to come up with some creative solutions.
So, don’t lose hope when life is hard. Instead, refocus your brain and your energies on helping others. You’ll find that by merely taking a mental break from your problems, you end up with a new, more hopeful perspective.
To Be Hopeful, Sometimes You Have to Adjust Your Expectations
Sometimes we feel like life is hopeless because our expectations are not in line with reality. For instance, I have had people complain to me that they are frustrated with life because they don’t experience enough “joy” in life. However, expecting to experience “joy” in life on a regular basis is not realistic, and having that expectation is a recipe for disappointment.
Realize that you will not experience joy, excitement or meaningful moments on a daily or even weekly basis in life. Life simply is not a Hallmark movie. Those moments are highly unique. And you can’t orchestrate them, as people try to do with big weddings, gender reveal parties, or exotic vacations.
Instead, moments of joy happen when you least expect them. They may happen when you are just taking a walk with your spouse. Or when you are spending time with your child. Those moments of joy come out of nowhere, and because you can’t plan or expect them, they are all the more precious.
So, realize that sometimes life seems hopeless because we are hoping for the wrong things. If you are feeling hopeless, consider if what you are hoping for makes sense. For example, hoping for a safe and peaceful life is a reasonable hope. (In fact, I’d argue that having a safe and peaceful life is an inalienable right of every human being.) But hoping for continual joy, excitement or “Hallmark” meaningful moments is not only unrealistic, it is a way to feel unnecessarily hopeless.
Look for the Helpers
It is easy to feel hopeless when you consider the horrible things that happen in our world. When I think about the cruelty that occurs in our world against our most vulnerable – whether it be children, women or animals – I sometimes feel hopeless.
But the other day, a friend of mine reminded me of the following wonderful Mr. Roger’s quote:
“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’”
Mr. Roger’s perspective is comforting in response to a world in which so many people and animals are the victims of senseless violence and cruelty. So, if you feel hopeless due to the state of the world, look for the helpers. For example, in the face of a seemingly never-ending pandemic, feel hope by looking at the kindness of our healthcare workers. Or, if you feel hopeless in the face of child abuse and neglect, look to all the social workers and child therapists who work so hard to help traumatized children.
In short, if you are feeling hopeless by the state of the world, focus on the helpers. Better yet, become one!
Admittedly, it is hard to remain hopeful in trying times. But consider using the approaches above to keep up your hope and positive attitude, regardless what is happening in your life. (To read about ways to boost your mental health, click here.)
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