8 Skills You Need for Successful Relationships

Having successful relationships is challenging.  Not one of us loves others perfectly.  As parents, we love our children with every fiber of our being, but so often we make parenting mistakes.  As husbands and wives, we want to be good to our spouses, but sometimes, we can’t figure out what our spouses need from us.  Sometimes, it is even hard to know how to be good to our friends. 

Loving others well is not a simple matter.

But we can develop the skills to become better at loving other people.  Below are ten skills that you can develop in order to improve how you relate others and to have truly successful relationships.

Forgive Easily

One of the most important relationship skills that you need to develop is to forgive easily.  Admittedly, that is easier said than done.  A good rule of thumb is this: once someone tells you that they are sorry, the offense should be forgiven. 

Realize that clutching onto grievances will destroy your relationships.  It is hard to be in a relationship with someone who won’t forgive you, not matter how many times you say that you are sorry.  So, if someone is truly remorseful, don’t make them pay over and over again for their error. 

Instead, remember that we are all human.  We all make mistakes, and sometimes we hurt other people’s feelings.  So, afford the other person the same kind of forgiveness that you would like to receive if you made a mistake.

Learn to Accept Differences

Neither your friends, nor your spouse nor your children are going to be just like you.  They all will have their own points of view and ways of doing things.  They may not see the world the way you do.  And other folks may not operate the way you do.  If you want to have successful relationship with others, you need to learn to accept these differences.

Realize that if you expect everyone to agree with you, you will be incredibly lonely.  For example, my husband and I don’t agree on everything.  We have differing political views.  Our ideas about childrearing don’t always align.  And frankly, we don’t even agree about how to clean a bathroom! 

But all of that is superficial stuff.  We agree on what matters.  He and I both value kindness, hard work and helping others.  So, even if we have some differences, our most important values align.

To have good relationships with others, accept the differences you may have with others on the superficial issues in life.  Don’t fight about politics, religion, sports or any other hot button topics.  It isn’t worthwhile.  As long as you and the other person have common values, you have the foundation for a good relationship.  

See the Potential in Others

We always should view those we love by seeing their potential, rather than simply viewing them by where they are at in this moment.  If we do so, we can encourage them to achieve great things. 

Admittedly, the folks you love may not always live up to their potential, even with your encouragement.  I’ve known people who had the potential to be remarkable individuals.  These people had what it took to be great spouses, caring parents and highly successful professionals.  But they didn’t achieve their full potential.  For whatever reason, they couldn’t get out of their own way.

But most people, with encouragement will achieve their potential.  And if you want to be a great friend, spouse or parent, you need to see the potential in others and encourage them!  Our best relationships are with those who see the best in us.  Be someone who sees the best in others, and watch your relationships flourish, and see those you love succeed.

Love Others for Their Inner Attributes

To have great relationships, you need to look past the exterior qualities of others – the ones that the world deems are important – and instead value people for their inner qualities.  Realize that the quality of your relationship with another person won’t be affected by how that person looks.  Your relationship is based on that person’s personality.

So, choose to be in relationships with folks who are kind, thoughtful and gentle.  Those are the inner attributes that make people enjoyable to be around.  Whether someone is beautiful or not is irrelevant when it comes to whether you will have a good or bad relationship with that person.

Being beautiful or handsome may make someone physically appealing.  But realize that after 5 minutes of taking in someone’s appearance, how they look becomes irrelevant.  After that, you are concerned with whether they are a decent human being and pleasant to be around.

Be Trustworthy

We only can have close, meaningful relationships with people who we trust.  If you act in an untrustworthy manner, you won’t have good relationships.  People, instead, will keep their distance from you.

When we are trustworthy, people can trust that we aren’t going to insult them, bully them or otherwise hurt their feelings.  Moreover, we are reliable.  Other people can rely on the fact that we will do what we say we are going to do. 

No one wants to be in a relationship with someone who is untrustworthy.  It is a headache to be around someone who is kind one minute, and who insults you the next minute for no apparent reason.  That is untrustworthy, emotionally unstable behavior.  To have good relationships, people need to be able to trust you and believe that you’ll be consistently kind and decent, at all times. 

Learn to Serve Others

One important way that we bolster our relationships with others is by serving others.  Realize that we aren’t meant to live selfish lives.  Instead, our purpose is to serve those we love.

Often, the mistake that we make when a relationship is struggling is to think about all the ways that the other person isn’t meeting our needs.  But we fail to consider whether we are pulling our end!  Are we serving the other person?  Are we helping them with our time, money or other resources? 

In every relationship, you have to come to the table with something.  You can’t sit back and wonder why the people in your life aren’t making you happy.  You have to also consider what you are doing to serve others. 

People with successful relationships spend significant amounts of their time serving their family members and friends.  For example, my husband and I have a successful marriage because we spend time each day serving one another.  We constantly are caring for each other.  Just this morning, I did my husband’s laundry, and he retrieved my car the repair shop.  Our back and forth of helping each other goes on all week long.  We have a successful relationship because we both are delighted to serve one another.

Encourage Others

Those we love need our encouragement.  Very often, people have the right skills to accomplish their goals, but they need emotional support.  That is where we come in.  An encouraging word at the right time can truly change the trajectory of the life of someone you love.

So, if you want to have great relationships, be the kind of person who builds others up.  And that means paying attention to other people.  If you see someone do something well, make a mental note of it, and then tell them! 

Realize that your encouragement can bring a positive energy to your relationships.  So, don’t be stingy with compliments!  If you build others up whenever you can, you’ll find that your relationships flourish because people can count on you to be their cheerleader when they need a kind word.

Make Peace Your Priority

To have truly successful relationships, you need act peacefully toward others, especially toward those whom you love.  That means that sometimes ignoring offending behavior.  And sometimes, it means biting our tongues.  That is because love can only flourish in the midst of peace.

Biting your tongue is easier said than done.  It takes maturity and self-control.  If you find yourself regularly getting into arguments with others, or insulting or criticizing others, take a hard look at yourself.  You may need to make a choice.  Do you want to live your life telling other people off and having terrible relationships?  Or, do you want to make peace your priority, and have great relationships?  The choice is yours.

Having good relationships is so very important.  Consider working on the above skills to improve the way you relate to your family and friends.  Your relationships can only benefit. (To read more about improving your relationships, click here.) (To read about focusing on your purpose for today, click here.)