We all want to improve our relationships. Not only are we happier when we have good relationships, but we are healthier. Studies show that having positive relationships leads to less stress and a longer life.
However, sometimes it is hard to figure out how to have good relationships with others. After all, good relationships are a two-way street. It requires both individuals to be kind and reasonable. That doesn’t always happen!
But we certainly can do our part to make sure our relationships are as good as possible. Below are some ways to do just that.
Spend Face-to-Face Time with Those You Love
In this digital age, we can delude ourselves into thinking that texts, emails and Skypes are a substitute for face-to-face time with another person. They aren’t.
Digital communication is very efficient. But it isn’t the same as actual time spent with another person. Think about it. We all know that there is a huge difference between exchanging text messages and sitting down for a cup of coffee with a friend. The two activities simply don’t compare.
Now, you can have relationships with other people via text and email. They are “cordial” relationships. And that is great. But your closest, most important relationships require face-to-face time. Make those a priority and spend in person time with those you love.
Be Pleasant and Helpful to Improve Your Relationships
These are the most important qualities that you can possess if you want to have great relationships. If you think about the people who you don’t like, they probably are one of two things – unpleasant or unhelpful, or both.
I think of these qualities as “Stewardess Qualities.” We like stewardesses because they are lovely to be around. They smile. They are friendly. And if you have a problem, typically they’ll solve it for you.
If you want to have great relationships, be like a stewardess. Put a smile on your face. Be pleasant and fun to be around. Don’t insult people or argue. Don’t run around correcting other people. Don’t exhaust people with your bad moods. Instead, be easy going. And if you see someone with a problem, try to help them out.
Be Interested in Other People
Social media is a great tool for communication. However, it is not a way to create good relationships. That is because Facebook, Instagram and Twitter are simply ways for us to talk about ourselves, and for other people to comment on what we’ve said. Talking about yourself to your 500+ friends on Facebook doesn’t result in your having an actual relationship with any of those people.
If you want to have real relationships with other people, there has to be a back and forth. That means that you have to be interested in other people. Your goal can’t simply be to have other people observe you. You have to express an interest in other people’s thoughts and feelings, and they have to be interested in you.
So, realistically you aren’t going to have 500 “friends” in life. You are going to have 4 or 5, at most. That is because it takes time and effort to become close to another person. But that is time well-spent because it will produce true relationships with other people.
Give What the Other Person Needs
Often our relationships fail because we think we are giving generously. However, we really are giving selfishly. We simply are giving someone what we want to give them, not what they desire.
Think about it this way. If you take your spouse camping, and she hates to camp, don’t expect a thank you! You’ve gone camping for yourself, and you’ve dragged someone else along.
If you want to have good relationships, figure out what the other person needs and try to satisfy those needs. For instance, my husband knows that I like to be taken care of. So, he takes my car to be washed, and he fixes nearly anything that breaks in the house. He makes dinner reservations for us to have elegant evenings out. He does a ton of big and little things to make sure that my life is lovely. He’s figured out that I like to feel cared for, and he gladly meets that need.
So, don’t give other people what you want. Give other people what they want. Help them in the way that they need help. That simple shift in your thinking will dramatically improve your relationships.
Compliment and Encourage to Improve Your Relationships
Anyone can be critical. It doesn’t take a great intellect to point out the failings of others. Exceptional people compliment and encourage. Be exceptional.
There is no better way to boost your relationships than to point out the qualities and accomplishments of others. When you do that, you make other people feel good about themselves. You also make them feel that you look at them with kindness.
Paying compliments is not hard. Throughout the day, we see other people do thing well. However, we tend not to say anything. We keep those thoughts in our heads. Say them! Anytime that you see someone do something well, tell them. It can be something as simple as telling someone that the blue of their sweater is “your color.” Or it could be publicly pointing out when your child has gotten a good grade on a test.
Encouraging others is similarly easy. Be like a coach to those closest to you. Encourage those you love to accomplish more than they ever dreamed of. When your loved ones see you as their greatest cheerleader, they’ll know that you are in their corner. And that will bolster your relationship like nothing else.
Consider applying some of the above approaches to your most important relationships. A good relationship with a friend or family member is truly the greatest blessing that you will have in life. (If you would like to read more about how to find happiness through loving others, click here.)
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