4 Ways to Wisely and Calmly Handle Difficult Situations

We all have to deal with difficult situations from time to time.  For instance, we may receive bad news.  Or someone around us may behave in an unpleasant manner.  And the challenge is that these situations often are completely unexpected. So, we can be caught off guard. That’s why it’s critical to decide in advance how you’re going to handle any difficult situation that comes your way.

Now, the best way to deal with difficult situations is to remain calm and respond wisely.  But what exactly does that mean?

Well, it means keeping a cool head, even in the midst of difficulty.  And it means responding to difficult situations with maturity and good judgment.  Admittedly, those can be very hard things to do! 

But here’s the good news: If you have a plan for how you’re going to deal with any difficult situation, then life becomes much easier.  That’s because when we have a plan, we aren’t merely reacting to problems as they come along.  Rather, we’re responding to problems using an approach that we’ve already chosen.  Knowing exactly what you’re going to do in any situation makes life so much easier.

Below are five wise approaches for dealing with difficult situations.  Use these approaches and become great at handling difficult situations!

Stay Calm and Composed

The reality is that nothing good comes from getting upset and falling apart when dealing with a difficult situation. For example, if you receive a bad medical diagnosis, your getting upset isn’t going to make you healthier.  Likewise, if your spouse or child is being a problem, your getting upset isn’t going to improve their behavior. 

But how do we remain calm during difficult situations?  The key is to go inward.  When faced with difficulty, first take a step back and take a deep breath.  Then decide what will be the most effective way to respond to the situation. 

For instance, when my mother was diagnosed with cancer, I could have chosen to get upset and fall apart.  But that would have been pointless. And it certainly wouldn’t have changed her diagnosis.  So, instead, I chose to remain calm and work with her doctors and the folks from hospice.  And by remaining calm, I was able to follow their advice and ensure that she received the best end of life care. 

Did I feel stress at that time?  Yes, my stress was through the roof.  But I chose to stay calm.  Why?  Because my being upset didn’t change the fact that my mother was at the end of her life.  And my job in that situation wasn’t to get upset and create a scene.  My job was to remain calm and make good decisions for her benefit.

And that’s truly the way to keep calm in any situation. Take your focus off how you are feeling. Instead, ask yourself, “What am I called to do in this situation?”  And then, with calmness and good judgment, rise to the occasion.

Set Boundaries

What I’ve observed over the years is that certain people want to drag you into their dramas.  If they’re sad or upset, they want you to be sad or upset too.  Or, if they’re feeling badly about themselves, they want you to be miserable with right along with them. 

To wisely deal with people like that, you have to set your boundaries.  Otherwise, folks like that will destroy your peace of mind with their personal issues. 

For instance, in the past, I used to have family members who regularly created melodramas.  And initially, I allowed myself to be dragged into their world of mental chaos.  Now, it took some time, but I ultimately realized that wasn’t the wise response.  Rather, the wise response was to set my boundaries and distance myself from them.

Now, you probably are thinking to yourself, “Well, that sounds mean.  Shouldn’t you try to help people who are suffering?”  Sure. I’m happy to help people who are suffering by being nice to them.  But if folks want to complain, be a problem, and drag me down into their world of misery, I’m not interested in going with them!  It is far better for me to get off their Misery Train and go be happy.

Now, setting boundaries can mean many different things.  Sometimes it means walking away from a negative conversation.  At other times, it means limiting your interactions with a difficult person.  And most dramatically, it can mean ending your relationship with a problematic person all together.

So, to wisely deal with difficult people and situations, set your boundaries.  And don’t feel guilty about doing so.  Your happiness and peace of mind is far more important than another person’s need to be a problem.

Focus on Solutions, Not Drama

When addressing any difficult situation, it helps to ignore the emotional, dramatic piece out of the equation, and instead, focus on the solution.  Now, to be fair, you can’t always reach a solution that will make everyone happy.  So, the goal, as my husband likes to say, it to always “leave a nickel on the table.” That means that in any good solution, you should always give up something to show goodwill.  If you demand to get your own way entirely, you’ll destroy your relationships.

That approach works when trying to resolve difficult situations either in business or in our personal lives. First, start by taking the emotions out of the conversation.  Then devote your efforts to finding a solution.  And be sure to find a solution in which everyone “wins” in some way.

Now, unfortunately, some folks like to always “win” and get their way.  Admittedly, you can do that.  And you may even be successful.  But your professional and personal relationships will suffer.  Because you then are operating like a bully.  And no one likes a bully.

So, be the kind of person who approaches difficult situations by first taking the drama out of the situation. Then figure out a solution that feels reasonably good to all involved.  Yes, you won’t entirely get your way.  But part of being a grown up is being OK with that.

Know When to Walk Away

I wish that every difficult situation could be resolved and that every broken relationship could be repaired.  But what I’ve learned through life experience is that not all difficult situations are fixable.  And not all broken relationships are repairable. And sometimes, the wisest thing you can do is walk away.

For example, if you simply cannot be happy and successful at work, you should walk away from your current employment and find a new job.  Similarly, if your relationship with your spouse, parent, adult child or friend is toxic and unchangeable, you need to walk away and end that relationship.  Why? Well, because your mental and emotional well-being is your top priority. And if a situation or relationships is damaging your mental health, then you need to end it.

Now, realize that you don’t have to feel badly about walking away.  Yes, it’s sad when things don’t work out as we’d hoped.  It’s disappointing if you can’t be successful at a particular job.  And it is terrible when a relationship isn’t repairable.  But these things happen.

The reality is that there are some situations and some relationships in which you will thrive.  And there are other situations and relationships which will be a disaster for you. 

For example, there are certain people in this world with whom I have fantastic relationships.  I get along with these folks, and we just click.  And there are some people who I find very difficult to deal with.  So, I keep those people at a distance.  Or, I just don’t deal with them at all.

So, my advice is this: If you have to walk away from a situation or relationship, don’t feel badly!  Life is short.  Spend your time on this earth doing those things that you are actually good at. And spend your time with people with whom you truly get along.

If you are struggling to manage difficult situations, consider following the approaches above.  The good news is that when you approach any difficulty with calmness and wisdom, you’ll handle the situation well, and you’ll feel better about life, generally! (To read about the 3 effective steps to solve any major life problem, click here.)