There are times in life when our circumstances can prevent us from being relaxed and happy. Dramatic changes like a divorce or a death in the family can be highly stressful. Illness or job stress likewise can make us feel overwhelmed.
But most of the time, our lives aren’t terribly dramatic. Instead, life just putters along. One day isn’t very different from the next. And yet, even when our circumstances are calm and relatively easy, happiness can be elusive.
Why is it so hard to be happy? Part of the problem is that we fill our minds with negativity from the Internet and the television. The other challenge is that, as human beings, we tend to be selfish and conflict-oriented. Put all those issues together, and you have a perfect recipe for misery.
So, if we want to be happy, we have to combat our tendency toward negativity, selfishness and angry thoughts. And we do that by training our brains to be happy. That training involves two things. First, we need to feed our brains with good food. Then, we need to train our brains to have good, selfless, peaceful thoughts. Below are ways to do just that. Consider applying these approaches in your life, and see your happiness increase!
To Be Happy, Feed Your Brain Good “Food”
The world tries to put a lot of garbage in our brains. Advertisers try to get us to buy things that we can’t afford and don’t need. Social media is often full of negative nonsense. And our current political discourse is angry and uninspiring. As a result, our brains, effectively, are being fed a diet of chips and sugary soda by the Internet and television.
That is why it is critical to ignore the junk food out there on the Internet and television. Instead, choose to feed your brain good food. Consider starting with a positive reading list. Read blogs and books that inspire you. If you are going to read the news, get it from a reliable source that provides even-handed reporting.
You might fill your brain with beauty by listening to gorgeous music. Whatever your music style, there are artists out there who create lovely music with a positive message. Choose to listen to music that inspires you, rather than music that depresses you (and yes, some music out there is depressing!).
In addition, be careful to fill your brain with positive messages. For instance, if you use social media, follow people who have something nice to say. There are a lot of vain and negative people out there who use social media as a way to brag or vent their anger. You aren’t obliged to read what they have to say. Ignore their posts. Follow people who are kind, and who seek to encourage. They exist!
Take the Focus Off Yourself
Being self-absorbed is a recipe for unhappiness. A selfish attitude will never serve you. While self-care is important, it should be balanced with a healthy concern for others.
Throughout our day, we should be concerned with how our actions and words are affecting others. And we should be striving to behave in a way that makes others feel loved and cared for.
I have found that unhappy people typically are folks who are self-absorbed. They cannot get out of their own heads. Instead, they have bubble wrap around their brains. They live in their own, small worlds and cannot think about anyone else but themselves. You can call it selfishness. You can call it narcissism. Regardless of the name, it is a recipe for unhappiness.
To be happy, you have to train your brain to be concerned about the needs and feelings of others. If you don’t, your relationships will fail. No one will feel loved or cared for by you. And pretty soon, people will stop wanting to interact with you.
When you are concerned about others, you, ironically, will be happier with yourself. If we just do and say whatever we feel like, without regard for others, we don’t operate in a very nice manner. It’s only when we feel responsible for the welfare of others that we act in a way that we can be proud of. And when we are proud of ourselves, we feel good!
Be Peaceful
In every situation, we have the choice to be peaceful or to create conflict. Miserable people create conflict. Happy people choose to be peaceful. It is that simple. There are no exceptions to that rule.
The challenge is that it takes mental fortitude to be a peaceful person. It takes self-control to not react angrily to difficult situations, but to handle them with wisdom and maturity. Very few people possess that level of control. Most people go through life getting annoyed, flying off the handle or hurling insults whenever they are confronted with even the smallest problem. They are mentally weak.
Visualize Responding Peacefully in Any Situation
If you want to be happy, you need to be mentally strong. That will allow you to be peaceful no matter what is happening in your life. One way to develop mental strength is through visualization. Athletes do it. When they have a race, they envision themselves reaching the finish line first. Or, when they have a game, they envision themselves performing well.
To learn how to be peaceful, you might envision a situation that is upsetting and see yourself responding in a mature and controlled manner. For instance, let’s say that you have a family dinner coming up, and your sister always insults your job. You might visualize yourself responding with a harmless joke that diffuses the comment.
Another way to develop self-control is to train your mind to pause and think before responding to any situation. The problem is that our initial reactions to stressful situations are never good. For example, when I am irritated about something, my first instinct is to send off an angry text or email (or to respond with a sharp comment). And on occasion, I have done so! But that isn’t a wise way to deal with problematic situations.
The better approach is to take a deep breath, give the matter some thought, and then respond, if necessary. Now I will say that some situations require a quick response. For instance, if someone is mistreating another person, you may need to act swiftly and decisively. But most of the time, you have some breathing room to think about how to respond to a situation. Use that time to allow yourself respond in a mature and peaceful manner.
When we respond to situations in a peaceful manner, not only do our relationships improve, but our self-esteem improves, as well. It feels good to act in ways that you can be proud of. If you react to a situation in an angry or heated manner, it may feel good at the time, but ultimately you will be embarrassed. And you should be. The only way that we can feel truly good about ourselves is when we respond to every situation peacefully.
Consider the above approaches when training your brain to be happy. We aren’t naturally wired to be happy. Rather, it is something that we need to work at. But when we train our brains to be happy, we will feel so much better … and happier! (To read more about how to better respond to life’s problems, click here.)
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