We all are susceptible to overthinking. And we use lots of terms to describe it. Worrying. Obsessing. Negative thinking. Those are all ways to describe the overthinking that we do when faced with a problem for which there is no easy solution.
The problem with overthinking is that it’s a waste of time. You can’t worry your way to a good solution to an issue. Good solutions require calm, clear-headed thinking. And of course, some life problems don’t have solutions. They simply have to be endured.
Either way, overthinking gets you nowhere. It only elevates your stress and ruins your day.
Below are ways to stop overthinking and instead have a relaxed, peaceful mind.
Take Action
I will concede that there is value in thinking through a problem before acting. When we react in haste to problems, we typically react emotionally rather than rationally. For instance, let’s say that I have an issue with my supervisor at work. Perhaps she is rude to me or puts me down in front of my colleagues. I could react in haste and quit the job. But that course of action would leave me unemployed and scrambling for new employment.
The better course of action would be to pause and take some time to think about the situation. I then might ask for a transfer to a different department. Or, I might start looking for a new job and then quit once I’ve secured new employment. That way I don’t have a gap in income between jobs. So, there is value in thinking before acting.
But at a certain point, thinking about a problem becomes overthinking. At a certain point you have to act. So, in the example above, at a certain point, I have to stop feeling sad and frustrated about my work situation. I have to accept that my supervisor is who she is. She is not changing (at least not through my influence). So, I need to stop complaining and overthinking and simply do something to make my life better. I need to take action.
Stop Overthinking by Questioning Your Thoughts
Sometimes our overthinking can lead us to have wrong-headed ideas. So, when we are overthinking an issue, sometimes it helps to question our thoughts and realize that our overthinking isn’t helping us. It’s only muddying our thinking.
For example, let’s say that you have a problem that you are overthinking. And your overthinking has led you to believe that your problem is the result of other folks not doing enough you. So, your false thought is this: “So-and-so should be doing more for me.” That thought needs to be questioned. You need to turn that thought around and ask yourself this simple question: “Should so-and-so be doing more for me?” Probably not. Once you turn 18, no one owes you anything (not even your parents). Everything you get after that point in life is a gift.
When we question our thoughts, we stop overthinking dead in its tracks. And we get some clarity. Admittedly, clarity can be uncomfortable. So, in the above example, if you’ve been going through life believing that other people owe you something (or should be doing more for you), it’s a tough pill to swallow to realize that no one owes you anything.
When we question our thoughts, we get clarity. And it is from that place that we can have clear, peaceful minds.
Accept What You Cannot Control
Often, we overthink issues as a way to pretend that we have some control over our problems. The sad truth is that there are many problems over which we have no control. And there are many situations for which we can’t immediately know what the outcome will be.
Admittedly, living with that kind of uncertainty is hard. For example, if you have a family member who is ill, there is no sure way of knowing how that illness will progress. Or, if you are unemployed, there is no way of knowing when you’ll get a new job. So many things in life aren’t within our control, and we don’t know how those situations will turn out.
But realize that fretting, worrying and overthinking our problems will not give us control over our problems. It is just a way to make ourselves sick and upset.
The hard truth is that sometimes we have to accept that we can’t control the outcome of many of our problems. We can’t control the weather or the economy. Similarly, we can’t control other people. And that means that we have to stop overthinking and simply accept life as it comes. We just have to do our best and accept that life is imperfect.
Find Positive Distractions
For the most part, I am someone who likes to attack life. I don’t want to zone out in front of the television or surf the Internet for hours. I don’t want to be distracted from life. I want to live it.
But there is a place for distractions in life. Distractions are a great way to stop overthinking. They allow us to get our mind off our problems, and thereby put a dead halt to obsessing, fretting and worrying.
For example, a riveting television series or a terrific mystery novel can help you escape your current reality. And for a period of time, those distractions allow you to be mentally somewhere else. When we give our brains a break with distractions, it helps us to relax and stop overthinking our problems.
Admittedly, there are lots of people who use drugs and alcohol to escape their problems. Unfortunately, drugs and alcohol just add more problems to your life. Better to pick up a good book and after you are done reading a couple of chapters, you’ll be in a mentally healthy position to handle the problems that you already have!
Meditate
One of the best ways to stop overthinking and develop a calm mind is to have a meditation practice. Meditation effectively trains your brain to be in a calm state, regardless of what is going on around you.
When we meditate, we simply stop thinking about our whatever is worrying us, and we focus on something simple, like our breath or a special object. When we give our full attention to something innocuous, like breathing, our minds relax.
What you’ll find is that if you meditate regularly, your brain will start to crave being in that relaxed, calm, meditative state. And soon, your brain will reject the habit of overthinking. Instead, your brain will be like a still pond. Life may toss in a stone, and there may be a ripple. But your brain will quickly return to its calm, relaxed state. That is the benefit of meditation.
If you tend to overthink your problems, consider following the approaches above. Remember that overthinking doesn’t solve our problems. It only makes us stressed out! Give up the habit of overthinking your problems and see how much happier and more relaxed you can be. (To read about developing a peaceful mind, click here.)
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