“Be yourself, everyone else is taken.”
– Oscar Wilde
The simplest and yet most difficult thing that you will be asked to do in this life is to be yourself. Now, being yourself should be an easy task! After all, being yourself is far easier than trying to be someone else. And yet, how many people struggle to do that very thing? Unfortunately, in life, we have to learn how to be ourselves. In other words, we have to learn how to live authentically.
I will concede that the world is a tough place in which to just be yourself. Sadly, people can be snitty and critical. As a result, many people don’t live authentic lives. Instead, they understandably try to change themselves just to be accepted. That way they can avoid the barbs of criticism and meanness that abound in our society.
I’ll admit that approach can work for a period of time. But pretty soon it becomes frustrating to try to be someone who you aren’t! So, it’s better to simply learn how to live authentically.
Now, realize that the world may not always love the authentic you. But the good news is that when you are genuine, the right people will like you. Those right people are the people who are kind, decent and accepting. And the folks in your life who aren’t very nice will go by the wayside.
Below are ways to learn how to live authentically. Adopt these approaches, live an authentic life, and see how much happier you become!
To Thine Own Self Be True
“To thine own self be true,” is a line from Shakespeare’s play, “Hamlet.” It’s from a speech given by a father to his son as to how he should behave while at university. However, it isn’t just good advice for a young person embarking on adult life. It’s an admonition for all of us.
Being true to oneself means living in alignment with your values, beliefs and desires. That may not be easy if what you value, believe or desire doesn’t align with what your family, friends or even society deems to be acceptable or important.
For example, years ago, I decided to become a pescatarian. To be honest, I’d never felt comfortable eating meat. It always bothered me that other creatures had to suffer and die because I wanted them to be my dinner. But giving up eating meat is frowned upon by a lot of people. Unfortunately, vegetarianism (or even pescetarianism) makes some people uncomfortable.
Nevertheless, one day I just decided to give up eating meat and only eat fish. It was a step toward becoming a vegetarian, and it was my way to be true to myself. I decided that if my choice made others uncomfortable, well, that was their problem. I can tell you is that becoming a pescatarian was one of the best choices I’ve ever made.
What I know from that experience is this: Living authentically is liberating. When you live in alignment with your values and beliefs, You Feel Great. And pretty soon, the opinions of others just don’t matter to you. Because the “high” you get from authentic living is so much better than the momentary relief you may feel by being accepted by others.
To Live Authentically, Be Open and Honest
You cannot live authentically if you are pretending to be someone who you are not. Or if you try to pretend that your life is perfect, when it’s far from it. That isn’t authentic living.
The problem is that often our egos get in the way of our being our true selves. Our egos want everyone to think that we are perfect by society’s standards. So, we pretend to be who we are not. Or we may try to convince others that our lives are perfect. That way other folks will think that we are amazing. Facebook and Instagram are full of people trying to do exactly that.
However, living authentically means being transparent and truthful with others. Now, I’m not suggesting that you have to bear your soul to every person who walks by. But on the other hand, you should be truthful about who you are and your life.
The problem is that it’s hard to live a life of secrecy. For instance, I grew up in a highly dysfunctional home. And as a kid, the unspoken rule was that I wasn’t to discuss the dysfunction of my home life with anyone. That kind of secrecy weighs on you. It’s unhealthy.
When my parents separated (and ultimately divorced), it was as if an enormous weight had been lifted from my life. That was because the dysfunction of my home life was out in the open. I didn’t have to pretend otherwise anymore.
So, while secrecy and pretending may help you feel better in the moment, it’s terrible for you in the long run. Lift the weight off your shoulders and be open and transparent about who you are and about your life. If you so do, you’ll enjoy the true freedom of authentic living.
Take Responsibility for Your Actions
When we live authentically, we are honest with ourselves. And that means that we take responsibility for our actions, instead of blaming others or making excuses.
Taking responsibility for our actions requires us to really get to know ourselves. For instance, let’s say that you say something unkind to another person. Perhaps you insult that person’s appearance or intellect. It’s easy to come up with excuses for why you said that. “He needed to be put in his place.” “She was annoying me.” “Everyone says mean stuff during an argument.” If you make up enough excuses, you can get yourself off the hook.
But living authentically means being honest with yourself. And that means putting an end to the excuses. So, if you are honest with yourself, you’ll acknowledge that you were cruel to another person. Period. And there’s no excuse for cruelty.
The next step in taking responsibility for your actions is to ask yourself why you were cruel. And that means getting past the excuses and the blame. Instead, you have to take a hard look at yourself and the character flaw you have that led you do be cruel. Perhaps you lack self-control. Or maybe you have issues with jealousy. You may be driven to be cruel due to insecurity. The key is to figure out the reason why you did something without making excuses.
Living authentically requires you to take responsibility for all your actions, even the not so pleasant ones. And it means to acknowledge that, like all of us, you are an imperfect person, and you have stuff that you need to work on. Being authentic means that you are willing to acknowledge your imperfection rather than trying to excuse your misdeeds.
Be Willing to Evolve Based on Your Personal Experiences
Authentic living means that your beliefs, values and desires reflect your life experiences. As a result, you shouldn’t have the same world view at age 54 that you had when you were 14. If you do, you aren’t living authentically. You’ve simply adopted the world view of your parents. That view isn’t authentically yours because it isn’t based on your experiences.
Admittedly, it’s hard to develop our own beliefs and values. That’s why social change comes slowly. For instance, we may know from personal experience that people who don’t look like us or who don’t hold our beliefs can be just as kind, responsible and decent as we are. But if we were raised to look down on people who are different from us, we may struggle to change that mindset given to us by our parents.
However, to live authentically, your beliefs and values need to be based on what you know for sure. So, you have to go into the world with an open mind. Observe other people. Give a lot of thought to what you think is morally right versus what is morally wrong. Try to put yourself in the shoes of those who are struggling. Don’t just parrot your parents or what you read or see on the Internet. Develop your own beliefs based on your personal experience.
If you are seeking to live authentically, consider following the approaches above. Realize that when you live a life that reflects your values, beliefs and desires, your life will truly feel great! That is because ultimately it’s best to just be the real YOU. (To read about how to create a values-driven life, click here.)
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