Give Up These 5 Bad Habits and Improve Your Life

Typically, I write about great habits to adopt to improve your life.  That’s because I like to encourage rather than discourage.  But the older I get, the more I realize that some habits are just plain bad.  They have no value.  They ruin your life, health and relationships.  And by giving up these bad habits, you can immediately improve your life.

Interestingly, the habits I describe below are all legal.  There is no law against them.  But they are self-destructive.  They are habits that either lack morality or just plain common sense.

The good news is that if you give up these habits, you’ll feel better about yourself.  Your relationships with others will improve.  And you’ll enjoy being an overall better human being.

Read about these bad habits below.  If you have any of them, stop and consider whether they are worth continuing.  You may decide that now is the time to give them up, and dramatically change your life for the better.

The Aggression Habit

There are lots of people in this world who are aggressive and rude.  They snap at people, tell folks off, and yell.  The problem is that you can do all those things and probably get away with it.  After all, we all know aggressive people who have families and hold down jobs.  Some even get promoted within their fields. 

But here’s the truth.  No one really likes aggressive people.  When you behave in an aggressive manner, folks may tolerate you.  They probably won’t yell back at you or otherwise snap at you.  Instead, everyone who deals with you just wishes that you would go away.  And not return.

For example, over the years, I have known people who were overly aggressive.  And to their faces, I have always been pleasant and agreeable.  In fact, those folks probably think that I like them.  But the reality is that anytime that I encounter someone with an aggressive personality, I am counting the minutes until that person leaves.

The reality is that you can be aggressive, and probably, on occasion, you can get your way, as a result.  And if getting your way is the only thing that matters to you, then you can go through life yelling, snapping at people, and generally being a bully. 

But pay close attention.  What you will find is that the invitations to dinner from friends and family will become few and far between.  Your spouse may encourage you to take more business trips.  And as friends and family members fall to the wayside with the excuse of being “too busy” to see you, you can wind up being very much alone.

So, if you want to have good relationships, give up the aggression habit.  Develop some self-control.  Stop aggressively ranting, griping and complaining.  

And realize this fundamental fact about life: Your opinion is important to you.  However, your opinion is of limited interest to anyone else (that includes your spouse, family members and friends).  So, stop being aggressive and noisy.  Instead choose to be pleasant.  Keep your criticisms and grouchiness to yourself.  If you do, you’ll become someone people actually want to be around. (To read about how to stop letting your emotions rule your life, click here.)

The Alcohol Habit

There is nothing wrong with alcohol if it is for the purpose of enhancing a meal.  For instance, a fine wine or a good beer go nicely with certain dishes.  But the problem with alcohol is that most people don’t drink it for the purpose of enhancing their food.  They drink because they need it to manage their emotions.

For example, I know certain families who cannot visit each other without drinking – heavily.  They have relationship issues, and they figure that by drinking alcohol, they’ll be more relaxed around one another.  And they are.  Unfortunately, they are so relaxed that they also become rude, unkind and annoying.  And that only makes their relationships worse.

The reality is that many people use alcohol to manage their emotions in social settings.  I wouldn’t describe those people as alcoholics, per se.  But they aren’t drinking alcohol for its taste or to enhance a meal.  Instead, they are using it to manage their feelings of discomfort or insecurity.  And they drink alcohol with the hope that it will cure those feelings.

Unfortunately, alcohol doesn’t cure anything.  It only makes your situation worse.  Sure, drinking alcohol will make you feel bold.  But it won’t embolden you to be a nicer person.  It will embolden you to be aggressive, rude and annoying. 

One of the best things that you can do for your personal growth is to give up drinking alcohol outside of meal time.  Have a single glass of wine or a beer with dinner.  And otherwise stick to water, tea and coffee the rest of the time. 

Yes, doing so will be uncomfortable, especially if you struggle with socializing.  You’ll be giving up the haze that you get from a couple of glasses of wine.  But you then can face your feelings, insecurities and emotions head on.  And when you are brave enough to grapple with those emotions, you’ll find that you can make peace with the things that have bothered you.  And it will feel very good to be able to enter any social situation being your authentic self.

The Nicotine Habit

There is no law against smoking cigarettes.  But there isn’t one good thing that can come from it.  Smoking makes you and your home smell terrible.  It causes cancer and ages you prematurely.  And worst of all, when you smoke, you selfishly expose all those around you to illness. 

For example, my daughter suffers from serious asthma.  If you have asthma, or know someone who does, you know how frightening it can be to not be able to breathe fully.  Yet, I’ve known people who have smoked around her without regard for her condition.  They made the choice that their bad habit was more important than her ability to breathe.

Not only is smoking inconsiderate to everyone around you, but it is costly!  Cigarettes cost on average $7 a pack.  I would suggest that if you have $7 to burn through, forget the cigarettes which ruin your health and everyone else’s.  Instead, go spend it on a fancy cup of coffee at Starbucks!  A healthier and better smelling choice.

Realize that smoking, like alcohol, is an emotional crutch.  Oftentimes, when smokers are anxious, they reach for a cigarette.  Somehow that calms their nerves.  But using substances, whether it be alcohol or cigarettes, to deal with your feelings of insecurity, lack of confidence or anxiety isn’t productive.  The problem is that when your cigarette is finished, those feelings are still there.  Better to deal with those feelings directly – substance free.

The Pornography Habit

When I was a kid, in the days before the Internet, I knew a father who hid stacks of pornography in his bedroom closet.  Mind you, this was the closet that he shared with his wife.  So, not only did he disrespect his wife by hoarding hundreds of pictures of naked women in their bedroom, but these pictures were readily accessible to his children.

You can imagine the consequences of his actions.  His wife felt unvalued and disrespected by her husband’s obsession with looking at other women.  And eventually, his children found the magazines and concluded their dad was a creepy, old guy.  This gentleman could have gone through life enjoying the adoration of his wife and his children.  Instead, they thought he was an amoral mess.

Admittedly, pornography is legal, and it is a huge industry.  It preys on people who are sad, lonely and insecure.  People like to look at pornography and fantasize that someone as beautiful as that woman or as handsome as that man in the photo or film would like them.  But that isn’t reality. 

The reality is that you look like the person in the mirror who stares back at you.  And that person probably isn’t going to attract a model, much less a porn star.  So, give up the pornography habit, and stop wishing that you were more attractive.  Instead, like the person you see in the mirror.  And appreciate the spouse, girlfriend or boyfriend who likes you too.

The Competition Habit

The one habit that invariably will generate feelings of inadequacy is the competition habit.  People who are competitive evaluate themselves solely by comparing themselves to others.  So, if you are competitive, you will always feel inadequate because there will always be someone who is better than you.

The problem is that many people have the misguided notion that competitive people are the folks in the world who accomplish great things.  However, the opposite is true.  Competitive people will strive for a time.  And then they become depressed when they realize that they’ll never be the best at anything.  So, they stop trying and don’t accomplish much of anything.

Instead, the people who have great achievements are the ones who are motivated by things other than competition.  They are the people who enjoy a good challenge.  Or they may be motivated by a higher goal, such as doing something to benefit humanity.  Or they may be people who have a passion for a particular field of study.

In short, competition will not get you to greatness.  At best, it will lead you to feel inadequate, insecure and sad.  So, give up the competition habit.  Instead, find ways to drive yourself to achieve that come from within.

If you have any of the above bad habits, make today the day to give that bad habit up.  And if you need help to give up that habit, whether it be the support of a friend or a professional, seek out that help!  If you do so, you will find that your life and relationships will improve dramatically. (To read about how to become a better person, click here.)