How to Stop Letting Your Emotions Rule Your Life

Have you ever let your emotions rule your life? Perhaps you became unduly upset over something that really wasn’t that bad. Or maybe you got angry and lashed out at another person, even though deep down, you’d like to be a peaceful person. If so, you are not alone. We all, at times, make the mistake of letting our emotions rule us.

The good news is that we don’t need to be ruled by our emotions. Instead, we can be in control of our emotions.

Being in control of your emotions doesn’t mean that you ignore them. In fact, you can’t ignore your emotions. Our emotions are a natural reaction to what is happening around us. Rather, when take control of our emotions, we exert authority over them.

Realize that just because you have a feeling or emotion, that doesn’t mean that you have to act on it. For instance, I can be angry because someone cut me off in traffic. That doesn’t mean I have to honk my horn, swear or make rude gestures at that person. When I have authority over my emotions, I don’t act on a feeling simply because I have it.

Below are some ways to stop letting your emotions rule your life. Try these approaches and see how much better your relationships can become, and how much happier you can be.

Always Pause Before Acting

Typically, when we feel a strong emotion, like anger or distress, our instinct is to act on that emotion immediately. So, when we feel angry, we may lash out at another person. Or if we feel acute sadness, we may burst into tears.

But if you don’t want to be ruled by your emotions, you need to pause before acting on the emotion. Pausing gives you the opportunity to evaluate the situation from an objective standpoint.

For example, let’s say that someone insults your intelligence. That person calls you “stupid” or “uneducated.” In response, you naturally will feel angry and defensive. And you’ll want to insult that person in return.

But if you pause, you can evaluate the situation. When you do, you’ll realize that the comment has nothing to do with you. Rather, it reflects the fact that the person who is insulting you is immature, unkind and probably highly insecure.

Once you reach that conclusion, then you can make a real choice: Do you want to be like that person, and insult him or her back? Or, do you want to be a higher quality person, take the high road and not return the insult?

When we pause, that takes our emotions out of the driver’s seat and puts our emotions in the backseat of the car – where they belong!

Stop Letting Your Emotions Rule Your Life by Choosing Your Reputation Over Your Emotions

No one is going to view you as competent and having sound judgment if you are controlled by your emotions. Unfortunately, people who lash out and create big dramas are viewed as incompetent. We just don’t trust people who lack self-control and act purely on their emotions.

When we take control of our emotions, we show others that what we say and do is based on rational thought. We aren’t emotionally flailing about.

For example, you wouldn’t want your doctor or accountant to be controlled by their emotions. Why? Because you would assume they are giving you advice based on emotion and not intelligent, rational thought.

Realize that flying off the handle, sending emotional texts and emails, and regularly falling apart are the hallmarks of someone who doesn’t have sound judgment. So, if you want people to view you as competent and in charge, stop letting your emotions rule your life. Instead, take control of your emotions, and be perceived as highly capable.

Take Control of Your Emotions by Putting Life in Perspective

If you don’t want to be ruled by your emotions, remember that your emotions simply reflect how you feel about an event or issue. They aren’t an objective analysis of whether that event or issue is good or bad.

For example, let’s say you and your spouse get divorced. A divorce objectively is neither a good nor bad event. It simply is a legal act that ends a marriage and fairly divides assets between two people. That’s it.

Whether or not two people think a divorce is good or bad is based on their feelings. For instance, one person may think the divorce was good. If the marriage was dysfunctional, then getting divorced and ending the relationship is a huge relief to that person. However, the other person may view the divorce as bad. That person may be sad that the relationship has ended.

The divorce itself was just a legal proceeding, and neither good nor bad. It is the spouse’s emotional response that makes it either good or bad.

Many of the situations that we encounter in life are the same as a divorce. The situation is inherently neither good nor bad. It simply becomes good or bad based on our emotional response to it.

So, don’t allow your emotions to define your experiences as good or bad. Instead, take control of your emotions and put them in their place. Recognize that they are your feelings about a situation. They aren’t a rational assessment of a situation.

Stop Letting Your Emotions Rule Your Life, And Instead Be Guided by Your Ethics

When we allow our emotions to dictate how we behave, we run into problems. For example, if someone yells at me, my emotions tell me to yell back at that person. But what if my Ethical Code is not to raise my voice at other people? What do I do? Do I follow my emotions or my Ethical Code?

That is a simple example of the challenge that we all face when trying to take responsibility for our emotions. We need to acknowledge our emotions, of course. But that doesn’t mean that we need to act on them.

Instead, we need to be guided by our Moral and Ethical Code. That isn’t always easy to do. But taking responsibility for your emotions requires placing your ethics above your emotions.

Realize that emotions are fleeting. You may feel upset at the moment, but that feeling likely will pass. So, why allow your behavior to be ruled by a fleeting feeling? Better to have your behavior dictated by your Ethical Code. That way you can look at yourself in the mirror and feel proud of the person who is staring back at you.

Taking control of our emotions isn’t easy. It means that while we recognize our feelings, we don’t allow them to dictate how we behave. Instead, we put our feelings in perspective and allow our greater morals to guide us. Try using the approaches above to take responsibility for your own emotions, and see how much more in control and at peace you can be. (To read about how you can train your brain to be happy, click here.)