The holidays can be difficult for many adults. That is because we have an idealized view of what Christmas and the holidays should be like. And they never live up to our expectations.
The Idealized View of Christmas
How do we get these misguided views? Certainly, movies and television give us a glamorized view of what the holidays should look like. From that idealized point of view, at Christmas every family member is present, and everyone gets along beautifully. No one is ill (either physically or mentally). And everyone has an abundance of money. The presents are perfect and beautifully wrapped, and the food and decorations are tasteful. Unfortunately, those fictional depictions of the holidays are never close to reality.
In addition to movies and television, each year we are inundated with “photo” Christmas cards from all our friends and family members. They likewise depict a “fictional” view of the holidays. In these cards, every family looks healthy and happy. The children are all well-behaved. And everyone is having fun!
But those cards aren’t real either. How do I know this? Because I used to send them. And trust me. No one was as happy as they appeared in my holiday card photos.
Christmas Fiction
I remember one year in particular I sent a very fun photo Christmas card. The family photo was taken in an exotic location. It showed people having a great time, and who appeared to be fabulous world travelers. The card was a bunch of baloney.
The 12 months before I sent that card were fraught with conflict and aggravation. It was one of the most stressful years of my life. The photo in the card was as fictional as Harry Potter. But no one would have known that from the ridiculous card that I sent to friends and family.
As result, we have a very unreal and unattainable standard for our holidays. And when we compare our holidays with that standard, they inevitably fall short. They may fall short because we aren’t getting along with our family members. Or the ones we love may not be present. Or perhaps we may not have anyone with whom to share the holidays.
So, may people end up feeling depressed and disappointed during the holidays. In fact, for many, Christmas and the holidays are the loneliest time of the year. That can be true even for those who are surrounded by lots of people.
Rethinking How We Celebrate The Holidays
So, what do we do about this holiday disappointment? If our holidays aren’t going to be picture perfect, Norman Rockwell-like events, should we just forget about celebrating them? No, of course not. We just need to re-think what we want to experience from the holidays.
I did exactly this a couple of years ago. For most of my life, I never enjoyed Christmas. It always was fraught with conflict, aggravation or disappointment (or all three). So that year, I told my husband that Christmas, for me, would be about church. On Christmas Eve, I was going to go to the family service at 7 p.m. and the candlelight service at 11 p.m. I would participate in the Christmas food, presents, etc., but that was not going to be my focus. It was going to be all about church.
And do you know what? It was fantastic. The music at church on Christmas Eve was incredible. We sang some of my favorite hymns. And both services were very serene. I was so happy to be part of something quiet and spiritual for an entire evening.
Creating Your Own Meaningful Christmas Traditions
The next year, I thought, “Well, I can build on this.” During Christmastime, I wanted to do something nice for people I know, but I didn’t want them to know about it. It seemed more fun to do something in secret. So, I started my own tradition of secretly giving gifts to our church staff. And now every year, I give them Starbucks gift cards, signed “Your Secret Santa.” They have no idea who does it for them, and it gives me such pleasure to do it.
I still keep adding to my personal Christmas traditions. Last year, during December I decided to read the Christmas story in each of the four gospels. I have a study Bible which gives the historical context to what I am reading. That truly makes the whole story come alive. Reading the gospels now will be my new tradition.
Making Christmas Meaningful for You
Of course, I still do all the traditional Christmas activities. I buy presents and send out cards. I decorate a tree and have poinsettias and pine scented candles scattered throughout the house. But the reason that I enjoy Christmas is because I’ve made it meaningful for me.
I would encourage you to do the same. We are all different. Each of us finds different things to be meaningful. Figure out what is most meaningful to you, and do that.
However, realize that once you decide what you want to do with your holidays, you may get some opposition. You will need to stand firm in your choice. Unfortunately, some people like to dictate how other folks should celebrate their holidays.
For instance, some people find meaning in giving away all their gifts to the poor. If that works for you, wonderful. Just don’t ask anyone else to do it! Give away your own gifts.
Other people insist on having huge meals for the holidays. That makes them feel like it is a true celebration. Again, if that is your cup of tea, by all means spend the holidays cooking! Just don’t expect anyone else to join you.
The holidays tend to bring out people’s opinions as to what is “the right” way to celebrate. That is fine – for them. But you need to figure out what makes you happy and do it. I spent many years allowing my Christmases to be hijacked by others. That was regrettable.
So, these days, my top priority is to create a Christmas that I enjoy. Do the same for yourself! You deserve to have a holiday season that is beautiful and that feeds your soul. (To read about ways to find inner peace, click here.)
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