How to Thrive When Life Feels Out of Control

The greatest challenge that we face in life is knowing how to manage thing happen that are outside of our control.  The problem is that so much of life is outside of our control. For example, neither you nor I have control over other people. We also can’t control the weather, natural disasters or the economy.  Truthfully, the list of things that we can’t control is long! So, the key to being successful in life is figuring out how to thrive, even when life feels out of control.

Over the years, I’ve had to learn how to thrive when my own life has presented me with stressful situations over which I’ve had no control.  I’ll concede that isn’t easy! It’s very difficult to know what to do when faced with a difficult situation over which you have no control or influence.  In that kind of situation, the only thing that you can control is your response to that situation.

But therein lies your solution.  The way to thrive when life feels out of control is to focus on yourself. 

Realize that if you focus your attention on the problematic situation, you’ll be miserable.   But if you direct your attention to yourself and ignore the problematic situation, you regain your power to be happy.

How do I know this?  Well, over the years, on occasion, I’ve had to deal with difficult people and situations.  And what I found was that every time that I tried influence things in a positive direction, it was the equivalent of banging my head into a wall.  Why?  Because I can’t control other people or situations.  And my influence over others is limited, at best.

So, what I’ve learned is that when life feels out of control, you need to do two simple things: (1) step away from the situation, and (2) take care of yourself.  If you do those two things, you can thrive because your attention is focused on you – the one person who you can control!

Below are strategies which will help you to thrive, no matter what is going on in your life.  Adopt these strategies, and feel good, happy and healthy, at all times!

Focus on Yourself and Self-Care

When things around you are chaotic, the most effective thing that you can do is to keep the world at bay and focus on yourself.  Now, I’ll concede that sounds selfish.  But what I’ve learned is that the more chaotic the world is, the more you have to distance yourself from it and focus inward. 

Realize that turning inward is a matter of self-preservation.  You can’t allow the chaos of the world to drag you down.  You have to keep yourself buoyed up!

For example, if you’ve ever dealt with a family member who has significant personal issues, you’ll know that you simply can’t fix that person’s life.  The only time that you stand a chance of fixing another person’s life is if that person comes to you and humbly asks for help.  If they are unwilling to do that, then the fact of the matter is that they just want to remain as they are – even if they’re a mess.

So, the key to life is to keep the chaos of the world at a distance.  When things are chaotic, turn your focus to yourself.  The good news is that if you focus on taking good care of yourself, you will be able to thrive, no matter what is going on around you. 

Practice Acceptance

One of the most important skills to develop in life is acceptance.  Now, acceptance doesn’t mean that you’re happy with the chaotic situation that you are dealing with.  Rather, acceptance simply means that you accept that that situation is what it is at this moment.  And you accept that the situation may very well not change.

Realize that acceptance is liberating.  So often, we feel required to fix every problem that we encounter in life.  We want to fix other people to get them on the right track.  We want to fix situations, when things are going very wrong.  But when we accept situations, we stop wasting our time and energy trying to fix everyone and everything.

For example, for many years, I had a family member who suffered from alcoholism.  I tried everything under the sun to try to get this person to stop drinking.  I pleaded with them. I got irritated with them. And I spent a lot of time feeling just awful about the situation. 

Well, I’m sure you can guess what happened.  My efforts were for naught.  I mentally and emotionally exhausted myself for no good reason.  Because I simply didn’t have the power to fix that situation and cure another person’s addiction to alcohol.

Looking back, I wish that I would have practiced acceptance.  I wish I would have accepted the fact that my family member suffered from alcoholism, and that the situation was outside of my control.  I should have accepted that while I could be helpful and kind, I didn’t have the ability to change the situation.  If I had accepted the situation, I could have been at peace.

What I now know is that there’s a great deal of wisdom in simply accepting people and situations for what they are.  Acceptance allows us to stop feeling obliged to fix situations and people.  And when we stop wasting our time trying to fix everyone and everything, we then have the energy to focus on ourselves and thrive.

Commit to Healthy Habits

In today’s society, people tend to cope in all kinds of self-destructive ways when life feels out of control.  They’ll will drink alcohol to cope.  Or they’ll distract themselves from their problems by watching the television or surfing the Internet.  They’ll even eat junk food just to enjoy something for a moment.  Now, I’ll concede that all of those behaviors can create a momentary respite from our problems.  But ultimately, those behaviors prevent us from thriving because they’re terrible for both our bodies and our brains. 

The truth of the matter is that if you really want to thrive when life is chaotic, you need to commit to healthy habits.  Healthy habits allow us to feel physically and mentally good, no matter what is going on around us. 

Healthy habits don’t just include good habits for our physical health, like exercise, eating healthy foods and getting enough sleep.  They also include having good habits for our mental health, such as regularly meditating or reading positive books and articles. 

One way to think of stressful periods in life are to view them as a storm.  Your goal in any storm is to get into the eye of the storm.  In the eye of the storm, everything is calm.  That’s where you want to be.  You want to be in a place of calm, even when chaos is swirling around you.  Good habits allow you to be in that wonderful state of calm, no matter what it happening in your world.

So, commit to healthy habits.  Focus on doing whatever is necessary to boost both your physical and mental health.  If you do so, you’ll be able to mentally and physically thrive, even if chaos is swirling all around you.

Trust That Things Will Work Out

When life feels out of control, it’s stressful because we reasonably wonder, “What’s going to happen in the future?  How is this mess going to turn out?” 

Those are reasonable concerns.  When I’ve faced difficult situations in my own life, I’ve asked myself those same questions. 

What I’ve learned over the years is this: If you work hard and are kind, things generally work out.  Now, they may not work out in the way that you expected or hoped. But they’ll work out in a positive way.

For example, several years ago, I went through a very stressful period in my life.  My first marriage had ended, I was unemployed, and I had a young daughter to take care of.  And I wondered, “How will I fix this mess?”  Looking back, I wish that I’d just trusted that things would work out for the best.  It would have saved me a lot of stress and worry.

What I learned during that experience is that things eventually do work out.  In short order, I found a terrific job and met a wonderful man.  I remarried, and since that time, I’ve been blessed with a terrific second marriage.  And most importantly, my daughter has grown up to be a highly accomplished, compassionate, kind young woman. 

So, if your life currently feels out of control, what I can tell you is this: Things will work out.  But often, it takes time.  Difficult situations simply don’t get resolved overnight.  But if you’re patient, hard-working and kind, things will work out well eventually.

The good news is that once you realize that life will work out, you can relax, even when dealing with stressful situations.  And when you’re relaxed, you truly can thrive.

If your life feels out of control at the moment, consider following the strategies above so that you can thrive.  And as you follow these strategies, have faith.  Things will work out well.  Just give it time. (To read about the life changing power of acceptance, click here.)