There are all kinds of trite sayings about happiness. “Happiness depends upon ourselves.” “Happiness is an inside job.” The reality is that our happiness depends upon more than just ourselves. Our circumstances also can prevent us from being happy and from having a happy life.
For instance, it is really hard to be happy if someone treats you cruelly. It is hard to be happy when you are worried about whether you will have enough money to pay your bills. It is hard to be happy when you live in a dysfunctional household.
And having a good attitude sometimes isn’t enough. For example, no matter how positive you are, it is hard to be happy if you are in a bad marriage. No matter how often you write in your gratitude journal, if you can’t pay your bills, it is hard to feel grateful. If you live with difficult people, it is really hard to ignore them and simply relax.
So, if you want to have a happy life, you have to work to create the right environment for your happiness. For many years, I didn’t understand this concept. I thought that if I was unhappy, the problem was with me. I thought that if I simply had a better attitude, I could be happy, no matter what chaos was going on in my life. Now, I know better.
Of course, having a good attitude helps. You can’t be the type of person who falls apart at the littlest problem. But a good attitude isn’t enough. Your life circumstances have a significant effect on your ability to be happy.
Of course, we all have different personalities and dispositions, so we all need different things for happiness. For instance, some people are happiest when they are traveling. Whereas other folks like to be at home. Some folks are extroverted, and need to interact with people constantly. Others are introverted and need time on their own to think and read quietly.
Nevertheless, there are some common things that we all need for happiness. They are what I call the building blocks for happiness. These blocks don’t come automatically in life. Rather, they require good decision-making along the way. But, even if you don’t have them all right now, you can work toward obtaining them, and create the happy life that you deserve.
Building Block #1 – Freedom
Freedom is necessary for true happiness. Freedom is being able to choose where and with whom you want to live. It is having the ability to choose how you will spend your free time. Freedom is about physical freedom – having full control over your body, and the right to have no one touch you in ways you don’t want and to have no one physically hurt you. Without freedom, we can’t be truly happy.
I knew this fact from the time I was 8-years-old. By that age, the control adults had over my life irritated me. I didn’t want to be under anyone’s thumb. I wanted my freedom.
My freedom is still very important to me. At this stage in my life, I am happily married, but I will admit that marriage takes away some of your freedom. In that respect, marriage can be very frustrating. I don’t like to make decisions with anyone, and I abhor when people take up my time for their own purposes. Unfortunately, marriage, on occasion, leads to a little bit of both.
So, if you choose to get married, you have to marry someone who fully respects your freedom. My husband is very cognizant of how much I value my freedom. He never makes demands upon me or my time. He gives me the latitude to do what I need to do to be happy.
Once you become an adult and are financially independent, you have achieved true freedom. Make sure that you hang on to it. If you choose to give up some of your freedom by getting married or having children, set your boundaries. Make sure that others don’t hijack your time or your life with their needs. Because without freedom, a happy life isn’t possible.
Building Block #2 – Peace
Happiness requires that you have peaceful relationships with other people. It is impossible to be happy when you regularly have to deal with argumentative, difficult people. They will drain the joy out of your life.
Unfortunately, there are some people who are just a problem. They are frustrated and critical. They are inconsiderate. And if you only have to deal with them occasionally, they aren’t a burden. But if you see them regularly, or (God forbid) they live in your home, they are a massive burden.
I know there are a lot of people out there who like to help problematic people. They feel sorry for them. They want to figure out, “Why is this person is so dysfunctional? What is their tale of woe?”
It may sound callous, but if you want to be happy, you can’t run around trying to figure out difficult people. You can’t wonder, “What can I do to help them?” You can’t spend your time trying to fix their attitude and behavior. And, you certainly can’t have them in your house.
If you truly want to be happy, you have to spend your time with peaceful people. And you have to severely limit your time with problematic people. Realize that you aren’t hurting the problematic people by doing so. After all, we all have choices. Some people simply choose to be a problem. That is their choice. But the consequence is that they don’t get to interact with you on a regular basis. That isn’t a harsh consequence, given that they could just as easily choose to be kind and helpful.
Building Block #3 – Love
To be happy, you need to love. By love, I mean that you need to spend part of each day showing someone or something kindness and affection. You need to spend time caring for someone besides yourself.
We were built to love others. We were built to serve others. When we don’t do that, we are incomplete. If we live our lives only doing things for ourselves, we soon become very unhappy.
I don’t necessarily mean that you have to care for other people. You can care for a pet. You can care for plants. But to be happy, you need to care for something that is alive and that needs your love.
Happy people are gentle people. They are kind and don’t intentionally hurt others. They don’t insult other people. Happy people simply love others. It is a simple way to be, and yet so many people choose not to be loving. They choose to hurt and insult other people. Then they wonder, “Why am I so sad?” It isn’t a head-scratcher. They are sad because they are unloving individuals.
Make sure that the three building blocks for happiness – freedom, peace and love – are the foundation for your life. I will admit that none of these building blocks is simple to create. But once you do have each of them as an integral part of your life, you truly will be on the path to happiness.
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.Ecclesiastes 3:1 The hardest part Read more
There are times in life when our circumstances can prevent us from being relaxed and happy. Dramatic changes like a Read more
When we are young, we seek many things in life. Adventure. Professional success. Romance. But as we get older, and Read more
There is always the potential for stress in our lives. Sometimes that stress is created by others. Sometimes we create Read more
The holidays can be difficult for many adults. That is because we have an idealized view of what Christmas and Read more
Achieving inner peace is challenging. It's not something that comes naturally to us. The human mind searches for things that Read more
Recently a friend of mine turned 50. When I asked him what he wanted for his birthday, he said, “Peace.” Read more
“It ain’t over till it’s over” – Yogi Berra Yogi Berra made the above comment during the 1973 National League Read more
