Effective Ways to Increase Your Serenity and Find Inner Peace

Many years ago, a friend of mine turned 50, and I asked him what he wanted for his birthday.  His response: Peace.  It was meant to be a funny response, but he was also serious.  Once you get to a certain age, you realize that career accolades, adventure and wealth are unimportant compared to having serenity and finding inner peace.

In fact, I consider serenity and inner peace to be my two primary goals at this point in my life.  Recently, my mother passed away.  The year preceding her death was highly stressful.  She had both health and cognitive issues, and the responsibility fell upon me to make sure that her needs were being met.  My life was as far from being serene as possible!  After her passing, I told my husband, “My only interests now are to have serenity and peace in my life.”

I’ll concede that it sometimes can be hard to have a serene life due to circumstances beyond our control.  Accidents or illnesses can disrupt our lives.  Or on occasion, we may have to deal with negative people.  Admittedly, there are many outside forces which can create stress for us.

But the good news is that we have the ability to increase our serenity and inner peace by simply making good life choices.  Follow the approaches below, and I can assure you that you will be able to create a more serene and peaceful life.

Stop Dealing with Negative, Dramatic People

Sadly, there are some people in our world who thrive on drama.  If life is running smoothly, it makes them uncomfortable.  And as a result, they periodically create drama and chaos in order to feel at ease.  Serenity and peace bore them.

We all know people like this.  You can spend your time trying to understand them, but that is as productive as slamming your head into a wall.

The only thing that you can do with negative, dramatic people is to stop dealing with their chaos.  Otherwise, they will destroy your serenity.  So, if they hurl drama your way, don’t respond.  If you respond to them, you’ll only inspire them to create more chaos.

Now, I understand that being unresponsive may feel unkind.  After all, we should show compassion to people who are upset – right?  It depends.  If you’re dealing with a negative person who thrives on chaos, that person isn’t looking for compassion.  They’re looking for chaos.

Realize that your need for serenity and peace is more important than another person’s desire to be chaotic.  So, make yourself your top priority.  Stop dealing with negative people and give yourself the serenity and peace that you deserve.

Create A Positive Inner Circle

It’s hard to have a serene life if there are negative, difficult people in your inner circle.  It may be doable, but it’s just harder to achieve.  Instead, the best way to achieve serenity and inner peace is to create a positive inner circle.

Your inner circle are the people with whom you spend the most time, and with whom you share your innermost thoughts and feelings.  These folks have a profound impact on your life.  So, you want to choose them wisely! 

The good news is that if you have an inner circle of kind, easy-going, supportive people, it’s much easier to create a serene and peaceful life.  That’s because your life won’t be fraught with unnecessary conflict and drama.  Instead, you’ll be spending the majority of your time with people who, like you, value their serenity.

I’ve worked very hard over the years to eliminate the difficult, dramatic people from my life, and to cultivate an inner circle of kind, gentle, thoughtful people.  I’ll concede that there has been some trial and error involved!  But eventually, you too can create a small circle of people who will help you create the serene, peaceful life that you desire.

Focus on Yourself (Stop Trying to Control Other People)

If you’ve ever read the Serenity Prayer, you’ll know that it offers a wise piece of advice for anyone seeking inner peace: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” 

If you are seeking a serene life, it helps to accept that you simply cannot change is other people.  Trying to change and control other people will not bring peace to your life.  It only will lead you to feel frustrated and upset. 

I’ve learned the hard way over the years that you simply cannot change people.  Even if those closest to you would benefit from changing how they behave, they won’t do it at your behest.  Why?  I wish I had an answer for that question.  All I can say is that some folks intentionally make choices that are unethical, unkind or simply against their own best interests.  Some people just like to muddle up their own lives.

So, if you want to live a serene life, save your breath.  Don’t try to control other people or spend your time convincing them to operate ethically or properly.  Instead, to live a serene and peaceful life, you need to focus on yourself.

Focus on how you can be the best person possible.  Work hard to be kind, ethical and generous at all times.  Give your mental energy to improving yourself through better habits, including a healthy diet, exercise, reading and creative pursuits.  I can assure you that if you are happy with yourself, then you will be serene and at peace. 

Choose Positive Viewing, Reading and Listening Material

There are so many people in this world who create beautiful music, art and literature.  They create in order to inspire and encourage.  And then there are the folks who create violent junk.  I’ll concede some of that violent junk may be entertaining.  But filling your mind with other folks’ violent junk isn’t going to increase your serenity or fill you with inner peace.  It will just increase your feelings of frustration, anger and negativity.

If you truly want a peaceful mind, you need to carefully choose what you put in it.  After all, our minds are just like our bodies.  If I fill my body with junk food and alcohol, or if I smoke or use drugs, my body is going to be a trainwreck.  But if I fill my body with good food and healthy drinks like green tea, my body is going to function extremely well! 

In the same way, if you fill your mind with violent, negative nonsense, your mind won’t function properly.  You’ll be depressed and frustrated.  But if you fill your mind with beautiful music, inspiring art and thoughtful, positive reading, your mind will be calm and serene.

These days, I’m very careful as to what I watch, listen to and read.  I try to fill my mind with positive ideas by reading books written by inspiring authors.  I’ll listen to classical music or meditation music to calm my mind.  And if I happen to watch something on television, I make sure that it is thoughtful and uplifting.  What I find is that if I’m careful with what I put in my brain, I’m much more at ease. 

So, if you want to increase your serenity, make sure that you carefully choose what you are putting in your brain!  Give your brain good, wholesome food including inspiring reading, beautiful music and gorgeous art.  Fill your brain with good things, and you’ll be rewarded with a calm and content mind.

Engage in Daily Self-Care

It’s hard to be serene and at peace if all your time is being consumed by meeting the needs of others.  You can’t be at peace under those circumstances.  Your mind and body need time to rest and relax. 

I went through a period in my life during which my weekdays were consumed with work, housework and childcare, and my weekends were consumed with social obligations.  My life was neither fun nor enjoyable.  Instead, it was exhausting, largely because I had no time for self-care.

But at a certain point I realized that in order to have inner peace, I needed to make myself a priority.  And that meant using my free time for self-care.  So, I started saying “no” to social obligations on the weekends and started saying “yes” to my own needs.  And that made all the difference to my serenity!

Realize that if you want to increase your serenity, self-care is key.  And remember that self-care isn’t self-ish.  Self-care is simply taking care of your body through relaxation and exercise.  And it’s taking care of your brain through quiet reading, listening to gentle music and meditation.  The good news is that if you set aside time to take care of your mind and body, you’ll automatically feel calmer, more serene and at peace. 

Be Kind Regardless of the Circumstances

One of the reasons that we may not feel at peace is because we’ve acted in a manner that is cruel, selfish or unethical.  Now, what most folks do when they behave in such a manner is they try justify their behavior.  “That person upset me, so I didn’t keep my word.”  “S/he was irritating me, so I spoke to that person cruelly.”  There are a myriad of ways that we justify our wrong behavior.  But no matter how sophisticated your justifications are, the bottom line is this: If you don’t act properly, you won’t have inner peace.

The reality is that even if you justify your bad behavior to yourself and the rest of the world, deep down, you know those justifications are garbage.  And that is why you aren’t at peace with yourself.  So, if you want to have peace and serenity, commit to being kind.  All the time.  Even when you don’t feel like it. 

I stopped the justification game a long time ago and decided to take ownership of all my actions.  Now, I of course make a concerted effort to be kind, encouraging and polite at all times.  But when I get irritated or lose my temper on occasion, I don’t make excuses for myself.  Because there is no excuse for bad behavior.  Instead, I call myself out anytime I don’t meet my own personal standards.  And I try to do better the next time!

So, if you want a quick and easy way to have inner peace, here it is: Be Kind.  At all times.  That way, you can look in the mirror and feel good about the person who is looking back at you.

If you are seeking to increase your serenity and find inner peace, consider following the approaches above.  If you do, I can assure you that you will be happier, calmer and more at ease with yourself and with the world. (To read about finding serenity in the midst of stress, click here.)