How to Craft a Regret-Free Existence

It’s impossible to go through life without having some regrets.  Often, we do things that we regret in our younger years.  For instance, you may regret having married the wrong person.  Or you may regret having taken the wrong career path.  Some regrets may involve personal or professional paths that you didn’t take. 

The problem is that when we are younger, we don’t possess the wisdom that we have in our later years.  As a result, we often make decisions based on the advice of our parents, other family members and friends.  And sometimes those folks don’t have very good judgment! 

However, the good news is that as we get older, we can start developing the wisdom to make better decisions.  We can make wiser decisions simply by taking the time to reflect on what kind of life we want to have, and what kind of person we want to be.  If we do that, we then can craft a regret-free existence for the future.

Below are ways that you can create a truly regret-free life.  Adopt these approaches, and see how much happier and more satisfied you can be.

Learn from Your Past Mistakes and the Mistakes of Others

Realize that your past mistakes aren’t merely regrettable parts of your life.  Rather, your past mistakes are your greatest teachers when it comes to creating a regret-free life.

For instance, one of the mistakes that I made in my younger years was not being confident in my own judgment.  So, instead of relying on my own judgment, I looked to others for advice.  And often, that advice was unwise. 

But over time, I realized that not trusting my own judgment was a mistake.  I figured out that I had great judgement and knew what was best for me.  Once I came to that realization, I stopped making regrettable mistakes because I stopped listening to other people.  Instead, I began making good decisions based on my own wisdom and knowledge.

You also can figure out how to live a regret-free life simply by watching other people.  For instance, years ago, I observed that alcohol creates a lot of problems for folks.  I saw that some people drink when they’re upset, and as a result, they don’t deal with their problems in a positive way.  I also observed that when people drink, they often say and do dumb and regrettable things.  Based on those observations, I decided to abstain from drinking alcohol and live regret-free.

If you want to live a regret-free life, treat your mistakes and those of others as learning tools. Use them to guide you toward making great future choices.

Define Your Values

The reason why we often regret some of our life choices is because we make choices that don’t align with our values.   So, if you want to live regret-free, figure out what you truly value.  Then start making decisions based on those values.

For instance, I truly value having a stable lifestyle and long-term friendships.  However, during part of my life, I wasn’t able to have those things because I moved around a lot.  But once I stopped moving, I was able to create stability in my life and have long-term friendships. In short, I was able to live a life that reflected my values. 

So, to live regret-free, figure out what is important to you.  And then make choices that reflect your values.  I’ll concede that sometimes can be difficult.  For instance, let’s say that you value living near your parents and helping them.  But your spouse wants to live in Timbuktu for a year.  If you want to live regret-free, then tell your spouse that you’ll stay near your parents… and wish him or her luck in Timbuktu! 

Admittedly, creating a life that matches your values can be challenging.  You may have to make some hard choices.  But ultimately, when you live your life according to your values, not only will you have fewer regrets, but you will be infinitely happier.

Engage in Mindful Decision-Making

We often do regrettable things when we make decisions based on emotion.  “I’m afraid I’ll be alone for the rest of my life, so I’d better marry the first person that comes along.”  Or, “I’m upset, so I’m going to tell off my brother.”  And so on.

Any time we make decisions based on emotion, we’re going to do something unwise.  It’s far better to engage in mindful decision-making.  That means that when you are faced with any decision, don’t make your decision based on emotion.  Instead, pause.  Then choose how to proceed based on your values and goals.

As a simple example, the other day someone was rude to me.  Now, I could have flown off the handle and been equally rude in return.  But for a split second, I paused.  I reflected on the fact that it’s very important to me to be a peaceful and kind person.  As a result, I chose not to react to the rudeness.  Instead, I simply ignored the bad behavior. That’s a small example, but we face those kinds of decisions all day long. 

Mindful decision-making takes a high level of self-control.  But if you want to create a regret-free existence, you have to become skilled at mindful decision-making.  That means learning how to pause when confronted with a choice, and then acting based on your values and goals. 

Focus on the Present

The biggest regret that many people have is that they’ve wasted their limited time on this earth.  And one way that we waste our time is by fretting about the past or worrying about the future.

Realize that we all have regrets about the past.  For instance, in the past, we may have behaved in ways that were hurtful to others.  Or, perhaps, we were irresponsible.  Or, we may have tolerated being treated poorly and failed to stand up for ourselves. 

However, dwelling on your past mistakes is not a good use of your present!  You can’t change the past.  The only value in thinking about the past is to learn from it.  So, use your past as your teacher. Use it to guide you as to how you can improve your life today.  But don’t fret about it.

Similarly, worrying about the future is a waste of time.  After all, none of us can predict the future.  All we can do is prepare for it by making the best choices today.

So, if you find yourself occasionally fretting about the past or worrying about the future, it’s good to develop strategies to pull yourself back into the present.  Some folks will do a quick meditation if they find their mind wandering in unproductive directions.  Others will listen to a piece of inspiring music, or they’ll take a walk in nature.  The key is to find the strategy that works best for you.

So, craft a regret-free existence by not wasting time fretting about the past or worrying about the future.  Instead, use your time on this earth wisely by being focused on the here and now.

Take Risks

We all have the potential to do great things with our lives.  After all, each one of us has been endowed with unique gifts and talents.  And the greatest regret you will have in life is not fully using your special gifts and talents.

Now, you’d think that everyone would seek to fulfill their God-given potential.  But the problem is that in order to achieve your full potential in life, you have to be willing to have some failures along the way.  And that means taking risks.

Realize that people don’t fear taking risks because they simply fear failure.  Rather, they fear failing publicly.  They fear having everyone else know that they failed.  So, they figure that if they don’t take risks and only make safe choices, they’ll never fail.  That’s true.  But they also will never achieve their full potential.

For example, every time I post an article on this blog, I take a risk.  I risk that I’ll post something, and folks will read it and think, “Huh?  What on earth is she talking about?”  Having a blog is a very public way to succeed or fail.

But one of my talents is writing.  And unless you solely write in your diary or journal, writing is, by its very nature, a public activity.  So, I’ve learned to get over my fear of public failure.  That’s because I want to live regret-free.  So, I’m willing to take some risks in order to fulfill my goal of being a writer.

So, take risks.  Set your ego aside and be willing to do what is necessary to fulfill your potential.  Yes, you may have some failures along the way.  That’s OK!  Be willing to risk having some failures. Even some public failures.  If you do so, you’ll never have to live with the regret of wondering what could have been.

Prioritize Your Relationships

Over the years, I’ve had the opportunity to observe how many people have chosen to live their lives.  And what I can tell you is this: The happiest and most personally successful people I know are those who’ve made their families and friends their top priority.

These are the folks who’ve lived in the same place for decades.  They have long-term friendships, and they regularly see their parents and children.  Their relationships are more important to them than career advancement, travel and adventure.  And for whatever reason, they’re just happier than everyone else.

I’ll admit that it seems counterintuitive.  You’d think that having an interesting, globe-trotting lifestyle would be the key to happiness.  After all, an exciting life is a happy life, isn’t it?  Evidently not.

For example, I know a couple who are the happiest people I know.  They’ve lived in the same state their entire lives.  They gave their all to raising their two children, and now they’re blessed with great relationships with both their adult kids.  They see their extended family members regularly, and they’re very involved in their community.  My neighbors are fun, interesting, happy, relaxed people because they’ve spent their lives making their relationships their top priority.

So, my advice is this: Don’t chase the wrong things in life.  If you want to live regret-free, make your relationships your top priority. Realize that what truly will make you happy is having positive, close, long-term relationships with your family and friends. 

Adapt and Evolve

One of the greatest truisms in life is this: Life often will not go according to plan.  So, don’t spend your time lamenting that fact.  Instead, if you want to live regret-free, be willing to adapt when needed.

For example, when I started high school, I simply assumed that I someday would be able to go to college without issue.  My parents were college educated people, and I took for granted that I would be able to go to college, as well.

But in the middle of high school, my parents separated, and neither had enough money to send me to a university in the U.S.  So, I adapted.  I figured out a way to go to school in another country which was affordable.  It wasn’t the educational path that I’d planned to take, but in the end, I was able to get a college degree.

The point is that if I hadn’t adapted, I would have ended up without a college degree.  And that would have been a huge regret for me.  So, adapting helped me fulfill my goal of getting a college education.

I’ll concede that sometimes life is disappointing.  Things don’t always work out the way that you expect them to.  But if you want to live life without regrets, don’t give up!  Adapt.  Figure out new ways to achieve your goals and have the life that you want.

Be Grateful

One way to live a regret-free life is to pay close attention to what you mentally focus on.  Realize that every day, you have a choice.  You can choose to focus on what isn’t going well, and your day will be terrible.  Or you can choose to focus on what is going really well, and you’ll have a great day.

That’s what gratitude is all about.  When we are grateful for our lives, it isn’t that our lives are perfect. Rather, we simply are choosing to focus on and be grateful for those things that are good in our lives.  And in doing so, our life experience is so much better.

As an example, many years ago, I got divorced.  If you’ve ever gotten divorced, you know that it is an unpleasant experience.  So, at the time, I had a choice.  I could focus on my failed marriage.  Or, I could focus on my daughter, for whom I was exceedingly grateful.

In order to be happy, I chose to ignore my failed marriage.  I figured that there was no point in giving that situation any further emotional or mental energy.  Instead, I chose to solely focus on my daughter.  During that period of my life, she and I had a great time going to cafes, reading books and just chatting.  And as a result, my life experience at that time was very good, when it could have been really awful.

So, to live regret-free, don’t waste your time focusing on whatever isn’t going well in your life.  If you focus on the bad stuff in your life, your daily experience will be sad and stressful.  Instead, give your laser focus to what you are grateful for in life.  If you do, your day-to-day life experience will be far more positive.

If you are seeking to craft a regret-free life, consider following the approaches above.  By knowing what is important to you, and by making careful life choices, you truly can live a regret-free life! (To read about how to make better decisions, click here.)