How to Regain Control of Your Life

Do you ever feel like your life is not under your control?  Is your free time consumed by the needs of others?  Are other people’s dramas draining your emotional energy?  Are your own needs and desires currently on the back burner?  If you feel that way, know that you are not alone.  We all feel that way, at times.  But also know that now is the time to regain control of your life.

The reality is that other people are naturally interested in their own needs.  Few people are so magnanimous that they will sacrifice their own needs and desires for your benefit.  Typically, people will support your happiness as long as it doesn’t interfere with theirs!

For example, your spouse and children may love you deeply and want what is best for you.  But if your going to the gym to become healthier interferes with your making your family’s dinner, more likely than not, your family is going to choose their dinner over your health. 

Or you may want to give up drinking alcohol because your hangovers are making it hard to get up in the morning.  Your friends may really care about you.  But they, nevertheless, may discourage you from giving up alcohol because they’d prefer to keep you as their drinking buddy.

So, the reality is that if you want to regain control of your life, you have to fight for it.  Below are ways to regain control of your life, and to start living the life that you were meant to live.  Stop letting others hijack your time.  Instead, take control of your life, and see how much happier you can be.

Always Be Kind, But Don’t Worry about Being “Likable”

If you want to have control over your life and how you spend your time, you have to give up the desire to be liked.  I used to value being pleasant or likable over my own needs and desires.  And then one day, I realized what was happening.  Other people were hi-jacking my time with nonsense, and I was allowing them to do it because I wanted to be seen an easy-going and helpful person. 

After years of making that mistake, I can tell you this: There is absolutely no value in being pleasant, easy-going or likable, if it’s at the expense of your time and your life. 

In fact, what I’ve learned over the years is that if everyone in my life is happy with me, then that is a clear sign that I am doing something very wrong.  Because if I am meeting everyone else’s needs, then my needs are being ignored.  And that no way to live.

Of course, in life, we should always be kind.  We should strive to never say an unkind or harsh word to anyone.  And we should find ways to help other people.  But you weren’t put on this earth to sacrifice your time, ambitions and desires solely to stay in the good graces of other people.  You were put on this earth because you have skills and talents that are unique.  And if you don’t use them, that is a tragedy.

So, regain control of your life by giving up the desire to be liked.  Realize that the only people in this world who are worthwhile are those who will like you, even when you aren’t meeting their needs.  Be willing to be unpopular with folks who only will like you when you are marching to the beat of their drum. 

Figure out What Is Important to You

When we are young, our activities are dictated by our parents.  For instance, if your parents like camping, you’ll end up spending summer vacations in a tent.  And as we get older, our activities tend to veer toward our friends’ interests.  So, if your friends like to play video games, you’ll play video games too, just to be able to socialize.

But once you become a full-fledged adult, it’s time to figure out what you like to do.  And that requires asking yourself this one question: If I had a day with no obligations, and I could do anything, what would I do? 

When you have control of your life, you know which activities make you happy, and you choose to devote your free time to those activities.  Now sometimes those activities will overlap with the favored activities of your friends and family – and sometimes they won’t.  And that’s just fine!

For example, my husband and I have a lot of overlapping interests.  For instance, we are both foodies.  We like to cook gourmet meals and try different ethnic cuisines.  And we both enjoy dining out.  We love spending an evening leisurely eating and chatting over a good meal at a restaurant. 

On the other hand, my husband enjoys watching sports on television, whereas I have absolutely no interest in doing so.  And I can spend an entire day at a bookstore, drinking tea and looking at the new releases, while he would rather not! 

But my husband and I deeply respect each other’s free time, and we support each other’s interests.  So, if my husband wants to watch a football game, I’m very happy to go spend the afternoon at the bookstore.  He doesn’t need me to watch the game with him, and I don’t need him to go with me to the bookstore.  And the good news is that we can reconvene in the evening and go out for a lovely meal! 

So, regaining control of your life, in part, means figuring out what kinds of things you like to do, and then making sure your free time is spent doing what you most enjoy.

Make Your Mental Health A Top Priority

One of the ways that life can feel “out of control” is when we are mentally unhealthy.  For example, if you are depressed or anxious, it can feel as though your life is very much out of control.  And that is a scary place to be.

So, to regain control over your life, it is critical that you make your mental health a top priority.  It should come before everything and everyone in your life. 

One way in which we can care for our mental health is to ensure that our relationships with others are positive.  A bad relationship will take its toll on your mental health.  Bad relationships cause both stress and depression. 

Realize that you don’t owe it to anyone to be in a relationship that damages your mental health.  So, don’t be afraid to end any bad relationships you may have. Your mental health is far more important than any relationship.

In addition, good mental health requires having a good outlook on life.  One way to have a positive outlook is to be careful what you put into your brain!  After all, there’s a lot of negative junk out there on the television, in the movies and on the Internet.  Take control of your mental health by being intentional about what you read and watch.  Choose to read and watch things that have a positive message.  Avoid the negative, angry garbage that floods our televisions and computer screens.  If you do, you’ll be mentally healthier and happier for it.

Make Your Physical Health a Top Priority

Taking control of your life also means making your physical health a priority.  This may sound harsh, but your physical health is so important that it must come before your obligations to other people. 

For example, I used to know a mother at my church who had four children.  She was overweight, and she clearly was overwhelmed.  And in the meantime, her children were beautiful, healthy and impeccably dressed every Sunday morning.  She was giving everything to her children, and her physical health was suffering as a result. 

Your physical health has to be your top priority.  It has to come before your children, your spouse, and any obligations to others that you may have.  Because if you don’t take care of your physical health, you ultimately will have to deal with the serious illnesses that inevitably will result.  And then your life truly will feel out of control.

So, regain control of your life by making your physical health a top priority.  When you take control of your body, you properly make your health your top priority!

Realize that Life Is Short

No matter how long you live, you will not feel like you’ve had enough time on this earth.  So, if you want the motivation to regain control of your life today, remember that life is short. Your time on this earth is finite.  As a result, your days on this earth should be spent doing those things that align with your interests and talents. 

Now, of course, no one lives the perfect life.  We all spend some time in life muddling around trying to figure out what interests us, and what type of life we want to create.  But once you’ve figured out what you want to do with this one life of yours, then regain control of your life, and just do it. 

Similarly, give others the freedom to use their time on this earth to do what makes them happy and fulfilled.  For instance, if you are a parent, give your child the freedom to figure out what kinds of things really interest him or her.  And then support your child in pursuing those interests.  The same holds true if you are married.  Don’t place demands on your spouse’s time.  Give your spouse the space to do what makes him or her happy. 

If you are seeking to regain control of your life, consider the approaches above.  Remember that taking control of your life isn’t a selfish act.  Rather, taking control of how you spend your time is the most important thing you can do to with this one precious life that you’ve been given.