We all know what it feels like to have an anxious mind. You may feel anxious if you receive bad news. Or if someone behaves in a rude or unkind manner toward you. You may feel that way if you make a mistake at work. When these things happen, you can find yourself feeling agitated and unable to figure out how to quiet your anxious mind.
If you struggle with quieting your mind when you become agitated or upset, know that you are not alone. That is a struggle that every human being faces. We all seek cures for the anxious mind.
Unfortunately, many folks manage their anxiety by abusing alcohol, tobacco, or drugs. Some try to calm their anxiety by overeating. Those behaviors are all quick fixes for stress. The problem is that those negative behaviors also create a whole host of other problems in your life.
So, it is important to find positive ways to calm your anxious mind. Below are strategies to effectively (and positively) calm your anxious mind. If you follow these strategies, you’ll not only become better at managing stressful situations, but you’ll also become a generally more relaxed and happier person!
Allow Anxious Feelings to Come … and Then Go
The problem with anxious feelings is that you can’t prevent them from happening. We all feel anxious and upset at times. But how we handle those feelings is up to us.
There is a wonderful story about the Buddha that illustrates this point. The story goes something like this: One day, as the Buddha and his disciples were traveling, they came upon a pond. They were thirsty, so the Buddha asked one of his disciples to get some water for them to drink. The disciple went to the pond, and found that it was muddy because a bullock cart had just crossed the pond. He returned and told the Buddha that the water was undrinkable.
The Buddha told the disciple to wait and go back to the pond in an hour to fetch the water. The disciple returned to the pond after an hour. He still found the water to be muddy, but less so than before. So, the Buddha again asked him to wait and then return again to the pond in an hour.
When the disciple returned to the pond a third time, the water was no longer muddy and was fit to drink. So, the disciple finally returned with drinking water. The Buddha then explained to the disciple that a disturbed mind is like the muddy pond. To calm a disturbed mind, you simply need to do nothing. Let your mind be, and allow what is disturbing you to settle down on its own. Pretty soon, you will have a clear mind.
Wise words. Realize that you can’t avoid having anxious feelings from time to time. The key is to accept that fact. Accept when you are feeling anxious. And then be patient and allow those feelings to dissipate, like the mud in the pond. If you don’t obsess about your feelings but just let them come – and then go – you’ll be able to quiet your anxious mind more quickly.
To Calm Your Anxious Mind, Develop a Meditation Practice
The value of meditation is that it trains your brain to quickly go back to a calm state when you are feeling anxious. A meditation practice involves taking 10 to 30 minutes a day to simply sit still and focus on your breath or a sacred object. When you do so, you give your brain a break from your stress and worry. That feels good to our brains! If you do that regularly, pretty soon, your brain will crave to be in that calm state more and more.
Once your brain craves something, it finds a way to get it. So, if your brain craves being calm, it will try to make a peaceful, calm state its “default setting.”
I think of the meditator’s brain like a still pond. Most of the time, the pond is still, glassy, and merely reflects the world around it. Of course, if a pebble is thrown in, there will be a ripple. But the pond will soon return to its glassy, calm state.
Like that pond, a meditator’s brain wants to return to the calm state. So, if you are trying to become better at quieting your anxious mind, develop a meditation practice. Train your brain to have calm be its default setting, and see how much more peaceful and relaxed you can be.
Have a 10-10-10 Perspective
Often, we are anxious because we don’t have a realistic perspective on our problems. We think our acorn-sized problems are really the size of boulders. That is because we fail to step back and get some perspective.
That is why I espouse taking a 10-10-10 approach to any problem. This approach is explained in a terrific book called “10-10-10: 10 Minutes, 10 Months, 10 Years: A Life Transforming Idea,” by Suzy Welch. I read the book years ago, and it changed the way I view any problem in my life.
The simple idea is that whenever you face a problem, you should analyze it with a 10-10-10 perspective. Will this issue be a real problem for me 10 minutes from now? Will it be a problem 10 months from now?? Is it possible that I still will be dealing with this problem 10 years from now???
It is a good way to analyze any issue. For example, if someone cuts me off in traffic, that won’t be a problem 10 minutes from now. I just need to forget about it. By contrast, if my spouse is verbally abusive toward me, that is going to be a problem for me 10 minutes, 10 months and 10 years from now. That is a real problem that I can’t ignore and is a valid reason to be concerned.
So, if you want to quiet your anxious mind, get some perspective on what you feel anxious about! Many of our problems are worth quickly forgetting about. There are only a limited few that deserve our concern and mental energy to solve.
Learn the Art of Distraction
While I am a big fan of dealing with problems head on, sometimes that isn’t the best approach. Sometimes our problems can’t be solved immediately. Or sometimes we may need to take some time away from a problem so that we can think more clearly about what would be the correct solution. And on occasion, we face problems that we personally don’t have the power to solve.
When we are facing these kinds of problems, ones that need some “space,” so to speak, it helps to have a distraction to give our brains a break from the problem. For example, many years ago, my husband was seriously ill and was hospitalized. This was a situation that truly was outside of my control. All I could do was hope that the doctors knew what they were doing, and that he would have the strength to make it through.
As you can imagine, my stress was through the roof. And I needed to be able to quiet my anxious mind. So, every night when I came home from the hospital, I watched an episode of “Friends,” that lovely show about six friends living in New York City during the 90s. And for 30 minutes every night I had a break from my reality.
That distraction saved me mentally. My brain needed a break from the stress of my husband’s hospitalization, and those sublime 30 minutes every night gave my mind that much needed break.
Realize that we can’t always be thinking about our problems. Sometimes we need to give our brains some rest from our concerns, no matter how important and valid those concerns are. That is why wholesome distractions are a good thing! A light sitcom or a fun novel are great ways to quiet your anxious mind. Listening to a soothing piece of music or an uplifting podcast likewise can offer positive distractions to give your brain a break from your troubles.
When we give our brains a break from our problems, we also give our minds time to process what is happening. When we do so, we can come back to our problems with a clearer idea of the next, best course of action to take.
So, distractions are not always a bad thing! In fact, positive, wholesome distractions are a great way to quiet our anxious minds and refresh our brains.
If you are seeking to quiet your anxious mind, consider using the approaches above. If you do, you’ll find that you are better equipped to deal with stress and handle your biggest problems. And you’ll find yourself to simply be a more peaceful, relaxed person, overall. (To read about the power of changing your perspective, click here.)
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