The Magic of Having a Positive Perspective

One of the many truisms of life is this: Your perspective has the power to change your life experience. The reality is that oftentimes, we aren’t happy or sad based on our circumstances. Rather, we’re happy or sad based on how we view our circumstances. The good news is that if you adopt a positive perspective on your life, you can have a far better life experience and become a much happier person.

For example, I once knew a gentleman who had a very nice wife and daughter.  He had a good job and lived in a lovely home.  Objectively, there was nothing wrong with his life.  But he was inexplicably unhappy. 

Now, this gentleman’s problem wasn’t his life.  His problem was his perspective.  From his perspective, his wife and daughter were boring.  And his job, to him, was unsatisfying.  Now, there are lots of people who would have loved to have had this gentleman’s life, with his nice family, good job and lovely home.  Which just goes to show that sometimes life isn’t actually bad.  It’s only bad because we happen to view it as such.

Of course, I’ll concede that sometimes life is objectively bad.  Being in a bad marriage is awful.  Having a serious illness is terrible.  Living in a war-torn country is miserable.  There certainly are life circumstances that are by definition bad.

But some things in life are bad only because we view them as such.  It’s in those instances that we have the power to change our lives simply by adopting a positive perspective. 

Below are ways to look at life more positively.  Follow these approaches, adopt a positive perspective, and see how much happier you can become!

Reframe Your Problem

A very good friend of mine often says that the key to life is to say, “I get to …” rather than, “I have to …” when faced with a task that you don’t feel like doing.  His advice is a good example of how to reframe a problem.

For example, sometimes I’ll feel irritated with having to cook dinner or fold laundry.  And then, I’ll remember my friend’s advice, and I’ll reframe my problem.  I’ll say to myself, “I get to cook dinner.”  Or, “I get to fold laundry.”  And those actually are true statements.  I’m blessed with a beautiful kitchen, and I have the money to buy groceries.  So, I get to cook dinner.  Similarly, I can afford to have a nice wardrobe.  So, I get to fold laundry.

Reframing your problem is an extremely effective way to change your perspective.  For instance, a failed relationship doesn’t need to be viewed as a disappointment. Rather, it can be reframed as a stroke of good luck if the other person ultimately was going to be a poor partner.  Similarly, not getting the job you applied for doesn’t have to be seen as a failure. Rather, you can reframe it as a blessing since you may end up getting an even better job.  By reframing our problems, we can see them in a much more positive light.

Engage in Big Picture Thinking

Some problems that we have in life are momentary.  They’re fleeting irritations, but nothing more.  And some problems are significant.  But how do we know which problems are momentary irritations and which problems are actually a big deal?

The key is to have a big picture perspective.  So, when faced with a problem, ask yourself, “Will this problem be something that matters 5 years from now?  Or, will this issue be forgotten by the end of the week?”

For example, a minor car accident is a fleeting problem, so it doesn’t deserve much mental energy.  After an accident, people will exchange insurance information, repairs will be done, and the matter will be forgotten.  Minor car accidents are unpleasant, but they’re nothing to lose your sleep over.

By contrast, if your spouse insults you, that’s not a momentary problem.  That’s disrespectful behavior that shows that your spouse has a character issue.  In the grand scheme of things, that’s a significant issue.

So, when analyzing a problem, try to look at it from a big picture perspective.  Ask yourself the following two questions: “Will this matter in a year?”  “Will this matter in five years?”  When you ask yourself those two questions, you’ll have a more realistic perspective on whether a problem is important or unimportant.

Shift Your Focus from Your Problem to Finding a Solution

The most positive thing that you can do when faced with any problem is to stop focusing on the problem and instead focus on finding a solution.  For example, my first marriage ended in divorce.  Now, when it had become clear to me that the marriage was unsalvageable, I decided to shift my focus away from the marriage.  I simply stopped worrying about it. Instead, I gave my full attention to figuring out how to create a beautiful, new life for myself, post-divorce.

I’ll concede that may sound callous.  But the reality is that fretting and feeling badly about an unsolvable situation is a waste of time.  You’re much better off focusing on your solution.

What you’ll find is that kind of perspective on your problems is invigorating!  Realize that you’ll be miserable if your perspective is, “My life is terrible because I have this huge problem.”  But you’ll feel great if your perspective is, “What do I need to do to resolve this issue and have a really great life?” With a “solution” perspective, the world opens up to amazing possibilities! 

Change Your Perspective through Physical Activity

One very helpful way to change your perspective is to take a break and stop thinking about whatever is bothering you.  I know that’s easier said than done.  That’s why it helps to do something physical when you have a problem.  Then you have no choice but to stop thinking about your problem and instead, focus on your body and what it’s doing. 

The benefit of exercise is that once we’re done exercising, we can come back to our issue or problem with a fresh mind.  And that fresh mind will lead us to have a clearer perspective on our problem.

For example, when I’m facing an issue, I’ll often take a break and ride on my exercise bike.  Between the endorphins that my body generates during exercise, and having had a mental break from the issue, I’m able to return to the problem refreshed.  And after some time on the bike, I always have a much more reasonable and clearer view of the issue.

So, if you need a change in perspective, do something physical!  Go for a walk or ride your bike.  Do yoga or go to the gym.  The key is to do a physical activity so that your brain gets a break from your problem.  Then, you can return to your problem with a fresher, wiser perspective.

Talk to Someone You Trust to Gain a Positive Perspective

We all need someone in our lives with whom we can be completely honest, and from whom we can get wise advice.  I have three people in my life who fit that bill: My daughter, my husband and a close friend from high school.  Over the years, those three individuals have helped me fix my perspective when it’s been off kilter.

What I’ve found is that people who don’t have a wise confidant in life end up getting very wrong-headed ideas.  They’ll have unreasonable perspectives on themselves, their lives and their problems.

For that reason, I regularly consult my Counsel of Three whenever I have a problem.  My daughter, in particular, always offers wise advice.  She’s a very kind, reasonable, and insightful person.  So, if I have a worry or concern, she immediately puts it into perspective for me.  In fact, after chatting with her, I always feel better about any situation!

The key is to have one or two wise, mature people in your life who care about you and who simply want what’s best for you.  Admittedly, those kinds of people are hard to find.  But you only need one!  Just find one wise person who is in your corner and with whom you can be completely honest.  A friend like that will be someone who can help you to have the right perspective on any situation.

Embrace the Concept of Impermanence

The most important perspective that you can have when facing any challenge is this: Nothing lasts forever.  Everything changes.

Now, I’ll concede that it takes some life experience to come to that realization.  For example, there have been times in my life when I felt completely trapped by a situation.  And I thought to myself, “This situation is interminable.  I just can’t see an end to this aggravation and stress.”  But in my experience, every frustrating situation eventually does come to an end. 

So, it’s critical to have the perspective that problems don’t last forever.  Simply reminding yourself of this fact can make any difficulty feel less overwhelming.  Admittedly, you may have to endure the problematic situation for a period of time.  But at some point, the problem will end. 

Now, sometimes, you have to do something to resolve or end a problem.  And sometimes problematic situations just go away on their own.  Either way, nothing lasts for ever. So, embrace the concept of impermanence! Have the perspective that whatever frustration you are facing, at some point it will end.

There’s something truly magical about adopting a positive perspective.  When you adopt a positive perspective, you can transform how you experience your life. In fact, a positive perspective truly can change your life for the better! (To read about ways to find inner peace, click here.)