Our words matter. We think that they don’t. In fact, many of us believe in the old adage, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” However, nothing could be further from the truth. Words can crush another person’s self-esteem. They can cause a divorce. They can start wars. That is the power of our words. That is why it is so important to make your words count.
Our Words Reflect Who We Are
Our words tell other people who we are. So, we need to choose them wisely. Let me give you an example. Many years ago, I went out on a dinner date. I was very excited about the evening, so I wore my best dress. I took a great deal of effort on my hair and makeup. At the time, I made jewelry as a hobby, so I wore an earring, necklace and bracelet set that I had made.
The dinner was at a great restaurant with outdoor, candlelit tables and a view of the mountains and the night sky. It was very romantic. When we sat down to dinner, the gentleman I was with said with disdain, “Why are you wearing homemade jewelry?” I crumpled. Then, I awkwardly said, “Well, I thought the necklace matched the dress.”
After that, I muddled my way through the rest of the evening and waited for it to be over. I had been so excited about the night, and I had worked so hard to look nice for the dinner. And with one strategic comment, this person had crushed my spirit.
Now, this person’s comment was intended to undermine my confidence. But that wasn’t the outcome. What I ultimately learned from the comment was that this person had the potential for cruelty. Calculated cruelty. Not the kind of cruelty where we might say an unkind comment by accident. He was capable of strategically hurting other people.
Our Words Are Our Marketing
That is the power of our words. It isn’t just that they hurt other people. It is that our words let other people know who we are. In short, our words let other people know our character.
Our words are our marketing. They are our public relations. They tell people exactly who we are – not who we wish we were. So, if your intention is to be a good person, make sure that your words reflect that. Make your words count.
Being careful with our words is so important. We can use our words like poison. Or, we can use them to encourage others and make them feel loved and appreciated. It’s a choice. Below are some ways to make good choices with how you use your words.
Be Quick to Compliment and Slow to Criticize
Whenever we get the chance, our words should be used to encourage others. So, get into the habit of paying compliments. Don’t just keep them in your head. If you see someone do something well, say it out loud.
I truly believe that you can change someone’s life by a sincere word of encouragement. My high school English teacher did exactly that. One day he complimented my writing in front of the whole class. I hadn’t written anything amazing. But his one small comment made me think that I could write. I’ve lived off of that one compliment for 30 years!
Just as we should be quick to pay a compliment, we also should be slow to criticize. I am always surprised by the ease with which people will criticize and ridicule others. Not only is that kind of behavior cruel, but it also shows a lack of manners. It shows that the person doesn’t understand how to operate in polite society.
Polished and mannerly people don’t run around insulting others. It shows a lack of class. Rather, people with good manners encourage others and refrain from criticism.
Make Your Words Count by Keeping Your Word
Trust is a very fragile thing. It’s hard to create, and it’s easily broken. The way we create trust is by keeping our word.
Keeping our word matters, and yet, we can be very cavalier about it. For example, I guarantee you that no one would ever get divorced if folks actually kept their word and followed their marriage vows to cherish and respect their spouse. But instead, we say them on our wedding day and then promptly forget them.
By doing what we say we are going to do, people come to trust us. They know that we follow through on our commitments. Not only does that build trust, but it improves how people perceive us. When you are a person of your word, people hold you in high regard. They think of you as moral and responsible. They think of you as a cut above the rest of the folks out there who say one thing and do another.
Keep Complaining to A Minimum
We all need to vent sometimes. Life can be frustrating. It’s natural to need to talk about those frustrations. But for the most part, it is a good idea to look on the bright side of life and keep your complaining to a minimum.
The problem is that people who complain are draining. For example, I once was in a relationship with someone who complained a lot. He always had an issue. One time, he actually gave me a list of 7 things that were upsetting him about our relationship. While he was giving me his list of grievances, on the outside, I tried to look very concerned. But on the inside, I kept thinking, “Good grief. I don’t care about any of this. Can’t you just go away?”
And that is the problem when we complain too much. People just want us to go away. It sounds cold, but no one really wants to hear about your problems. We all have stuff going on, and we all have our own problems to deal with. Truth be told, once you are an adult, no one wants to deal with your issues. Those issues are for you to resolve.
So, keep your complaining to a minimum. Instead, use your words to appreciate other people. Tell folks regularly how much they mean to you. Say “thank you” at every opportunity. When you use your words for gratitude instead of complaint, you will be perceived as someone with a good attitude.
The best advice I can give is this: Make your words count. Use them to improve your relationships. Your words should reflect your best self. They should always make the world a better place. (To read more about ways to improve your relationships, click here.)
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