I recently stumbled upon the term “eudaimonia.” Eudaimonia is Greek word that has no direct translation in English. However, it basically refers to a state of well-being, happiness and flourishing – the state of being that we are all trying to achieve!
While the concept of eudaimonia is simple, achieving it is hard. Sometimes achieving a state of well-being is difficult because we are facing a major life challenge. For instance, last year, my mother was in the final stage of life. As a result, I spent much of the year managing her medical care and ensuring that she was comfortable and enjoying herself. It was a very stressful experience, and admittedly, it was hard to flourish under those circumstances. In fact, I’ll concede that it’s hard to flourish when faced with any big life issues, such as the impending death of a loved one, a divorce or the loss of a job.
But realize that those big life issues typically are few and far between. The bigger impediment to our flourishing in life is that we choose to live on autopilot. We just coast through life. So, we’ll go to work, come home, eat some dinner, sit on the couch, watch TV, and then go to bed. And we’ll repeat the same routine the next day, and the day after that.
Consider this sobering statistic: The average American watches more than 4 hours of TV per day. How can you flourish if you are sitting on the couch for hours a day mindlessly watching television (or surfing the Internet)? The short answer is that you can’t. Instead, you’re just coasting through life.
If you want to flourish in life, you need to stop coasting. Instead, you need to start living intentionally. You need to choose to spend your days working at being the highest quality human being possible. Below are ways to do just that.
Choose Excellence in All Things
It’s nice to be good at one thing. For instance, lots of people focus on being great at their jobs. Or, they may focus on being top-notch parents. But then the other areas of their lives are a disaster. Their houses may be messy, full of unmade beds and dirty dishes. Or they may have personality issues. They may be temperamental, easily irritated by the smallest bump in the road.
But if you want to flourish in life, you can’t just focus on being good at one thing, while the rest of your life is a mess. Instead, excellence has to pervade all that you do. You need to choose to do all things in life to the best of your ability, from how you care for your home, to how your treat others, to how you do your job.
For instance, many years ago, I knew a gentleman who was truly a person of excellence. He was fastidious in his appearance. He treated his wife and children beautifully, and they shared a home that was always tidy and carefully decorated. Moreover, he had an incredibly kind demeanor which put people at ease. Because he chose to operate at a high standard in all things, he flourished as a human being.
Realize that if you are great at your job, but you treat your spouse and children poorly, you aren’t going to flourish. Or, if you have an immaculate house but are impatient with others, you likewise aren’t going to flourish. Achieving eudaimonia requires a lifestyle of excellence in which you choose to operate at the highest level in all things.
Make Personal Development A Priority
Over the years, I’ve met people who were unable to admit their personal failings, either to themselves or to others. And they were delusional. Because the reality is that we all have areas of our personalities which need improvement.
The problem with that kind of delusional thinking is this: If you can’t admit the areas where you have weakness of character, morality or maturity, you’ll stagnate. You won’t grow as a person. Personal growth only happens when we acknowledge that we, in fact, need to grow and improve!
For instance, I want to flourish as a human being. So, I’ve acknowledged to myself that one area that I need to work on is to become a more forgiving person. My husband will tell you that I can hang onto a grievance for years, if not decades. I can carry a grudge like no one else.
And as we all know, being unforgiving is a character flaw. So, I’m committed to working on that flaw so I can flourish as a human being. To that end, when I think about forgiveness, I often consider the following quote attributed to the Buddha: “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” The point being that not forgiving and holding a grudge only hurts you, not the other person!
Realize that we all have areas of our character that we need to work on and improve. So, if you want to flourish, focus on your personal development and make improving your character your top priority!
Be Peaceful
One life lesson that many people never learn is this: You can’t flourish if your relationships with others aren’t peaceful. If you run around telling people off, being angry, and arguing, you won’t be a happy person. You may get some satisfaction from telling folks that you are “right,” and they are “wrong.” But ultimately, you’ll be miserable because as human beings, we are meant to be in relationship with others. And to be happy, those relationships need to be positive.
Now, you may say to me, “Well, if I don’t tell people when they’re being terrible, I’m not standing up for myself.” Or, you may tell me, “If I don’t argue with people who have wrong-headed ideas, then I’m not being true to myself.”
Here’s the thing about arguing and telling people off. It’s completely ineffective. You aren’t changing anyone’s mind by being noisy or “speaking your mind.” You’re just leading people to think that you lack self-control. Worse yet, that kind of behavior leads people to not want to be around you. Instead, they’ll just tolerate you … and they’ll be wondering when you’re going to leave the room.
If you want to flourish in life, the best approach in all situations is to be peaceful. So, choose to walk away if someone is being terrible. And if they are chronically terrible, stop dealing with them altogether.
Similarly, there is no good reason to argue about anything, whether it’s politics or hot button issues like abortion or guns. Realize this: You’ll never change someone’s mind by arguing.
And let me let you in on a little secret about changing the hearts and minds of others. If you want to persuade others to adopt your point of view, be an exceptional person. Conduct yourself at the highest level at all times. Be consistently kind and considerate toward others. Operate with emotional maturity. If you do so, people will respect your opinion. By contrast, if you are noisy and argumentative, no one will think highly of you or your point of view.
So, if you want to flourish in life, be peaceful. No good comes from being difficult, angry or argumentative. And the good news is that you’ll find that the more peaceful you are, the happier and more relaxed you will be.
If you want to stop coasting through life and truly flourish, consider following the approaches above. You’ll find that if you do so, you’ll achieve that desired state of eudaimonia, of true well-being and happiness. (To read about how to create a peaceful life, click here.)
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