In western society, we are indoctrinated to believe that happiness comes from making ourselves happy. You’ll be happy if you own that luxury car. Life will be great if you wear designer clothes and live in a big house. Happiness will come when you can do what you want, whenever you want. And there are a lot of people who buy into this “me” centered approach to happiness.
And then they are disappointed when it doesn’t work.
I will concede that it is terrific to own nice things. Having a comfortable home and a reliable car are not things that I take for granted. And I enjoy going on nice vacations and out to dinner with my husband. Those things make life more pleasant. But they will not make you happy.
Sadly, there are a lot of depressed people out there who have misguided views about how to achieve happiness. So, they pursue happiness in all kinds of ways, from shopping to adventure sports to pornography. Then, when none of that works, they spend their time seeing therapists, or they self-medicate with drugs or alcohol. And then, when they still are unhappy, they blame their unhappiness on everyone around them. We all know people like that.
You want to shake them. Because if they would just get out of their big pumpkin heads for one second, they would realize that they are unhappy because they are selfish. Period. You cannot be happy if your life revolves around me, myself and I.
There is only one route to true happiness. Loving. You can love other people, animals or even the earth. But if you don’t love something or someone outside of yourself, you will be miserable.
Below are some ways to love others and put yourself on the true path to happiness.
Care about the Happiness of Others
Most people like to see other people being happy – but only if they are happy too! Otherwise, they resent the happiness of others. That is not how to truly love other people.
If you truly love someone, then you delight in their happiness. For example, I truly delight in my daughter’s happiness. I tell her on a regular basis that the greatest gift that she can give to me is to be happy.
Someday, I hope my daughter will marry a kind, responsible, honorable, caring man, and I hope she experiences the joy of being a mother. I want her to have a career that she finds to be rewarding. None of that has anything to do with me. I don’t need her to do anything for me, other than to simply be a happy person. That alone will give me great joy.
When you love others with a pure heart, then their happiness is your happiness. You enjoy watching their excitement at opening a gift, getting a new job or meeting the man or woman of their dreams. Their joy is your joy.
Focus on Giving Rather than Receiving
In addition to writing, I work at a full-time job. My job isn’t terribly exciting, and at times, it can be pretty boring. It is a way to pay my bills.
But this year, my daughter is going to college, and my husband’s and my income is paying for her education. As a result, my view of my job has changed dramatically. It no longer seems so humdrum. Rather, every hour that I work is money earned toward my daughter’s future. Now my job suddenly feels imbued with purpose!
We become happier when we are generous with those that we love. There is something much more fun about spending your money on another person, rather than on a dress or a new pair of shoes. Yes, it is nice to get new things. But it is so much more fulfilling to help another person. That truly feels good!
Loving Others Improves Our Character
You cannot love other people, and, at the same time, be impatient, cruel or inconsiderate. Those are mutually exclusive behaviors. As a result, when you love others, you naturally become a better person.
For example, when you practice being a loving parent, you are gentle and caring toward your children. You put their needs first. As a loving parent, you are patient when they are immature. You are generous and try to fulfill all their needs (and wants!). And in the process, you become a far more giving and decent human being.
The same holds true for being a loving spouse. If you are a loving spouse, you aren’t rude or selfish. Your spouse’s happiness is your top priority. Helping your spouse achieve his or her goals gives you joy. In fact, good marriages occur when people put the needs of their spouse before their own – regularly. And that kind of selfless, considerate behavior builds character!
So, if you want to become a person of high quality and character, the best way to do that is to love others. Sacrifice for others. Be generous toward others. Give of yourself without the need for accolades. Be kind and gentle with others.
When you do those things, you will become a better person. And in turn, you will be happier because decent and kind people are happy. Rude, negative, and arrogant people are miserable.
So, to be happy, love others. Love them with reckless abandon. Be generous for the sheer joy of it. Delight in the happiness of others. If you work at loving others with selfless love, you, in turn, will become happier than you ever thought possible. (For more ideas on increasing your happiness, click here.) (To read about focusing on your purpose for today, click here.)
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