Recently, I had the opportunity to chat with a nursery school teacher about the topic of inner beauty. She told me that when she saw children being mean to each other, she told them that they were being “ugly,” meaning that their behavior was ugly.
I thought her approach was interesting because “ugly,” in fact, is a good word for some of our behaviors. When we are mean or aggressive toward others, we are being ugly. Our behavior literally is unattractive.
Interestingly, our behavior also can make us physically more or less attractive to others. That is because people look at us as a whole package of both physical and non-physical qualities. For instance, there is a lady at our church who by objective standards may not be considered the most attractive. She is elderly and a little bit overweight. But she is kind, and when I see her, all I see is her warmth and the gentle crinkle of her eyes when she smiles. Her personality makes her pleasing to look at.
By contrast, poor behavior can make an objectively attractive person appear to be unattractive. We all know people who are beautiful by society’s standards, but whose behavior is unpleasant. They automatically are less attractive to us.
For instance, often, when people get divorced, they’ll say, “Well, I don’t love Bob/Sue anymore.” What they really mean to say is that their spouse has become unattractive to them due to their behavior. If your spouse is mean to you, then he or she naturally will become less attractive to you.
By contrast, kindness, patience, helpfulness and generosity are aphrodisiacs. My husband cooks every weekend, and I’ll admit that his incredible cooking makes him more attractive. And when he makes reservations for us to go out for an elegant meal, he looks like James Bond to me!
Below are some ways to be beautiful that have nothing to do with your makeup, hair or waistline. They instead are ways to be beautiful as a person. Try them, and see how you glow with goodness!
For Inner Beauty, Be Kind
There is a young lady at my church who is incredibly kind. She smiles at everyone she sees, and she always has a kind word to say to others. She already possesses the beauty of youth. But what really makes her face light up is her kindness. Her kindness makes her lovely.
Kind people are beautiful. We all know this. We are attracted to them because they exude a sweetness that is captivating. Be kind and see your attractiveness increase!
Be Gentle
We live in a society in which many people equate being aggressive with being powerful. But really it is the converse. Aggressive people simply are people who lack self-control. They are noisy and irritating. And their lack of self-control makes them unattractive.
Gentle people aren’t people without emotion. Rather, they are people who are in control of their emotions. And that is true power. That is why we find gentle people to be so attractive. We know that regardless of what happens, they will be in control of themselves. They will be in charge of any situation through good judgment; they won’t irrationally flail about.
Be Encouraging
When you build others up, your attractiveness increases. A great example of someone who was a beautiful encourager was my fifth grade teacher, Mrs. George. Admittedly, Mrs. George already was a very pretty lady. Even when I look back at my class picture from 40 years ago, I can see that she was quite lovely. She always wore a feminine suit to class and her hair was perfectly coiffed.
But what was mesmerizing about Mrs. George was that when you did something well, she smiled and gave you a little wink. Her wink felt like a secret between you and her. I could live on a wink from Mrs. George for an entire week. She made me want to do my very best just to get one of those winks!
Mrs. George truly was a Master of Encouragement, and thanks to her inner beauty, 10-year-old me thought that Mrs. George was the most beautiful lady in the world.
Be Helpful
Being capable is a very attractive quality. We all want to be around people who are good at doing things. And the only way to show that you are capable is to help others.
My husband is an attractive man, but his helpfulness and capability make him even more attractive. He is an expert gardener, and he takes great care of our yard. He fixes anything that goes wrong in the house, from plumbing to electrical work to the heating and cooling system (It is the rare occasion when we have to call a professional repair person). And he is a great cook! The fact that he is so helpful and capable makes him all the more attractive.
Failing to be helpful (or just being difficult when asked to help) is unattractive. To be perceived as attractive, you want to be the type of person who always helps others, whether it be at home, at work or in your community.
Realize that our attractiveness is more than just our appearance. When people look at us, they are looking at a whole package of both physical and non-physical qualities. So, to be as attractive as possible, focus on your inner beauty. Make sure that you are as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside! (To read more about improving your relationships through kindness, click here.)
No one goes through life unscathed. We all have experienced things that we wish we hadn’t. And we’ve all seen Read more
Many people in our society lack of confidence. And that is understandable. We live in a world in which folks Read more
I used to think that the Buddhist theory of acceptance was a defeatist approach to life. The idea behind acceptance Read more
“The root of suffering is attachment.” – The Buddha The older I get, the more I understand the Buddha’s statement Read more
Dealing with change is hard. No one enjoys it. We are all creatures of habit, and we all would prefer Read more
“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” – Aristotle We are our Read more
Our words matter. We think that they don’t. In fact, many of us believe in the old adage, “Sticks and Read more
There are a lot of articles and books about how to make good choices. Advice on that topic abounds. But Read more
