How to Develop a Strong Sense of Self-Worth

An important part of your personal development journey is to develop a strong sense of self-worth.  Self-worth is defined as feeling like you are good enough and worthy of love and belonging from others.  People who don’t have a strong sense of self-worth go through life feeling like they aren’t good enough.  They feel unworthy of respect and love from others. 

If you currently have a lack of self-worth, then then let me be clear: You are functioning under a lie.  You are operating under the mistaken belief that you don’t deserve to be treated with respect, love and kindness.  Realize this: You deserve all that and more.

How do we get this false idea that we are unworthy?  Well, some people have parents who make them feel unworthy.  They have parents who say, “You don’t deserve that toy.”  Or, “You don’t deserve a college education.”  The dumb, wrong-headed things that parents can say are endless.

Or, we may get into a bad relationship and have our self-worth undone.  For example, years ago I was in a relationship, and I was planning on taking a trip.  The person I was involved with said to me, “You don’t deserve to take that trip.”  And for a moment, I questioned my own self-worth and thought, “Maybe I don’t deserve good things in life.”

But what I soon realized is this: If a family member or friend starts a sentence with “You don’t deserve…” alarm bells should go off in your head.  Realize what’s happening.  That person is strategically trying to undermine your sense of self-worth. 

Because the truth is that you deserve to be respected and happy in life.  The fact of the matter is that you you deserve to be safe.  You deserve to be loved and have others treat you with kindness.  And you deserve to have success and nice things.  You are worthy.  Period.  No exceptions.

If you currently are feeling unworthy, now is the time to work on developing a strong sense of self-worth.  Read below about ways to do exactly that.

Don’t Judge Your Value by What Others Say and Do

Unfortunately, many people feel unworthy because they had parents who didn’t treat them as valuable.  Or, they had the misfortune of marrying someone who didn’t value them.  And they end up feeling unworthy because others have treated them as not being worth much.

Realize that is wrong-headed thinking.  For example, let’s say that I’m a parent.  And I don’t pay much attention to my kid.  I don’t visit my child.  I see my kid once, maybe twice a year.  And when my child is ready to go to college, I make clear that I’m not interested in financially contributing to my child’s college education or future. 

What do you think of that situation?  Would you say that my kid is unworthy of love, attention and financial support?  Or am I jerk?  Obviously, I’m a jerk (or whatever expletive comes to mind).

Yet, how many kids out there have jerks for parents and end up feeling unworthy, as a result?  They go through life mistakenly thinking, “My parents didn’t care about me, so there must be something wrong with me.”  When the truth of the matter is that those poor souls had selfish, terrible people as parents.

Or, how many people feel badly about themselves because their spouse treated them poorly?  They then think, “Well, if I was a valuable person, my spouse would treat me well.”  It never occurs to them that there is nothing wrong with them.  Rather, they’re married to a jerk.

So, if you want to develop a strong sense of self-worth, realize that how other people treat you is not indicative of your value as a human being.  How other people treat you is solely a refection of who they are.  Period.  There’s nothing wrong with you.  You are worthy of love, kindness and generosity.  You are worthy of being treated like gold. 

To Increase Your Sense of Self-Worth, Get Off Social Media

If social media was a cute, harmless way for folks to share news of how they are doing or to share interesting, positive articles, I would be all for it.  But it’s not.  Social media a way for people to pretend that they have happy marriages, successful children, and beautiful lives, when nothing could be further from the truth.  And the result is that folks end up feeling badly about themselves because their lives don’t look like the lives of their “friends” on social media.

For example, I happen to know people who have terrible marriages and screwed up lives, and yet, their Facebook pages look like fairytales.  That’s because their Facebook pages are fiction.  In fact, I’d argue that most of what people present on social media is a fictionalized version of their lives.

The problem is that if you spend too much time on social media, you’ll start questioning your self-worth.  You’ll think, “Why are all these other people worthy of having perfect lives, while mine is messy and imperfect?  Am I unworthy of having the happiness that they have?” 

Realize that those folks are no more worthy than you! And the reality is that their lives are no different than yours. They’re just very good at their own public relations.

So, if you want to build a strong sense of self-worth, stay off social media.  It’s a medium for folks to pretend that their very messy lives, in fact, are perfect.  The reality is that we all have good days and bad days.  Some periods of our lives are better than others.  Don’t allow social media to lead you to believe otherwise.  And know for sure that you are just as worthy of happiness and good things as every one of your Facebook “friends.”

Surround Yourself with People Who Value You

One of the most important keys to developing a strong sense of self-worth is to surround yourself with people who value you.  Unfortunately, not everyone in the world is going to value or appreciate you.  Frankly, some folks aren’t even going to like you.  It’s simply impossible to be popular with everyone. 

So, you have to create an inner circle of people who really like and appreciate you.  Building that group doesn’t happen overnight. It can take years, even decades, to accomplish. 

Now, some members of your inner circle may be family members.  Others may be friends.  My own inner circle is a mix of both.

The key is to seek out people who simply like being around you.  They’re the people who appreciate the kind of person that you are.  They are the folks who enjoy spending time with you, and who seek your counsel when they need advice.

What I’ve found over the years is that if you have a small, inner circle of people you value you, it becomes infinitely easier to develop your sense of self-worth.  That’s because you are spending your time with people who reinforce that you are a valuable human being! 

Not only do you want to surround yourself with people who value you, but you also want to eliminate from your life those individuals who don’t think you’re a valuable human being.  Those are the folks who tell you that you don’t deserve to have a great life.  They’re the ones who tell you that you aren’t enough – you aren’t smart enough, attractive enough, successful enough.  Send those folks on their way!  Realize that they’re dead weight on your journey to discovering your self-worth.

The good news is that once you have the “right” inner circle, you’ll find that it’s far easier to know your self-worth.  That’s because you’ll have a small group of folks who think you are amazing, and who are cheering you on!

To Build Your Sense of Self-Worth, Help Others

One of the best ways to build your sense of self-worth is to help others.  That’s because if you have the skills and resources to help others, you’re by definition a valuable human being!  You’re bringing value to the world. 

When it comes to being helpful, the best approach is to start close to home, and then expand outwards.  Start by helping your family members.  If you have children, do all that you can to set them up for future success.  Then help your spouse and your parents.  Find ways that you can make their lives easier.

Then, expand from there. Help the creatures who inhabit our planet.  Take careful care of your pets.  Nurture the animals who live on your property and in your neighborhood.  And continue from there.  Do what you can to help those in your community who may be in need by donating some of your extra resources. And if you are truly blessed, help folks in other parts of the world.

Realize that no matter where you are in life, you’re capable you are of helping others.  Even something as small as a kind word can bring so much encouragement to another human being. Try helping others, and I promise that you’ll undoubtedly increase your sense of self-worth.

If you are seeking to develop your sense of self-worth, consider following the approaches above.  Realize that you are worthy.  You’re worthy of being safe, loved and cared for.  You’re worthy of happiness and success.  Develop your sense of self-worth and know that you deserve good things in life! (To read about the limiting beliefs that you need to get rid of to be happy, click here.)