The 4 Secrets to Self-Improvement

If you want to live a good life, you need to commit to self-improvement. With each passing year, you should be working to become more mature, kind, knowledgeable and compassionate. In fact, if you aren’t growing and maturing each year, then you aren’t doing your basic job as a human being.

Now, even though our mandate is to continually improve, I will admit that self-improvement isn’t easy! There are all kinds of stumbling blocks to becoming a better human being. The biggest one is our own egos.

Our egos prevent us from seeing the areas where we need to improve. Instead, our egos lead us to be defensive. And anytime we are defensive, we don’t see ourselves clearly.

Below are ways to get your ego under control, to see yourself clearly and to get on the path to self-improvement. Follow these approaches and see yourself improve in ways that you could not have imagined!

Pay Attention to Your Gut

If you want to identify the areas where you need to improve, then listen to your gut. For instance, let’s say that you become angry with someone. In that moment of anger, you probably are reacting in an emotional manner, and you aren’t thinking rationally. However, afterward, you’ll likely get that uncomfortable feeling in your gut. That feeling is a sign that you need to work on controlling your anger.

Our uncomfortable feelings are signs that we have an area in which we improve. The challenge is that when we have those feelings, our egos try to tamp those feelings down. We ignore those feelings, and instead, we work very hard at justifying our behavior.

But if you want to improve as a human being, don’t avoid those feelings! For instance, if I get upset with another person, I invariably will feel badly afterward. And as much as I try to tell to myself that my angry feelings were justified, my gut tells me otherwise. It is then that I will step back and ask myself, “What is my gut telling me? Do I need to work on my attitude or self-control?”

So, one of the secrets to self-improvement is to listen to your gut! When you have uncomfortable feelings, that means that you need to change some way in which you are operating. Stop justifying your behavior. Instead, use those feelings as clues as to where you need to improve as a person.

Admit Your Imperfections

Self-improvement does not occur without a strong dose of humility. I always find people suspect who can’t identify their imperfections. If you can’t say out loud to a trusted friend or family member, “I need to work on this aspect of my personality or morality,” then your ego is getting in the way of your improving as a human being.

For example, I have a trusted friend with whom I often discuss the areas in which I want to improve. And he does the same with me. We’ve known each other since we were kids, and as a result, we are well-versed in each other’s positive and negative qualities. Our regular refrain is “Personal growth comes slowly!”

When you share with another person the areas where you would like to improve, then you can receive both encouragement and good advice. Moreover, it helps to have someone with whom you can commiserate about the challenges of self-improvement!

**Admire and Emulate the Right People**

I am always surprised by who we admire as a society. People can be noisy, rude, arrogant, sexist, bigoted, or violent, and we’ll still hold them in high regard. People with incredibly negative qualities can have countless followers on social media. We’ll see their movies, vote for them in elections, and buy their music.

But if you are committed to self-improvement, you need to be very careful of who you admire, and who you want to emulate. Realize that just because someone is professionally and financially successful, that does not mean that he or she is a good person. It just means that person is good at something that is financially valuable, like running a business or being tech savvy. It may be wise to look to those people for professional guidance. But they aren’t necessarily the folks who you want to emulate on a personal level.

The same holds true for so-called “popular” people. Popular people aren’t necessarily morally good people. They just have some charisma and charm. Not to put too fine a point on it, but many criminals also have charisma and charm. So, emulating people simply because they are popular is not a great idea either.

Instead, you should admire and emulate people who you find to be morally upright. They should be people who possess the qualities that you admire, such as patience, compassion or a strong work ethic.

Admittedly, you may not find all those qualities in one person. So, you may appreciate Sarah for her kindheartedness. And you may admire John for his calm and reserved nature. And then you can work to emulate each person’s admirable qualities.

So, another secret to self-improvement is to find people who possess the qualities that you seek to develop in yourself. Watch those people closely. Observe how they handle certain situations and try to emulate their behavior. Soon, you’ll find yourself operating in the same fashion as those who you admire so much!

Realize that Self-Improvement Is a Life-Long Journey

I think of self-improvement as a “two steps forward, three steps back process.” For instance, just when you think that you’ve overcome your procrastination habit, you’ll put an important household project on the back burner because it seems like too much effort! Personal growth takes time.

The key is not to expect that with one year’s worth of effort, you’ll be a perfect human being. That isn’t going to happen. Instead, self-improvement is a life-long journey.

You will be (and should be) working on becoming a better human being until the day you die. In fact, that is the point of life. To keep getting better. To keep improving.

So, don’t be discouraged if you have some setbacks. For example, I happen to be a big believer in the Serenity Prayer:

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”

Wiser words have not been spoken. And yet, putting that saying into consistent practice had eluded me for decades. Against reason, I often try to change the things that I simply cannot change. And to my shame, I sometimes don’t have the courage to change the things that I can change.

But I realize that living the Serenity Prayer perfectly is something that I will be working on until the day that I die. Self-improvement truly is a life-long process!

If you are on a path of self-improvement, consider following the approaches above. Remember that self-improvement is a life-long journey. But it is one that is incredibly worthwhile! (To read about how to make self-improvement a daily habit, click here.)