There are a lot of articles and books about how to make good choices. Advice on that topic abounds. But what if you already made your choice? And what if it was a bad bad choice? Now what?? No one wants to address that sticky wicket of an issue.
Years ago, I wrote a little e-book entitled, “The Secrets to Success for the Working Mother.” It was not a rousing success. I had almost no sales. But one lady did take the time to write a review of the book on Amazon. Here is her review:
“Simplistic book written by a work at home single mother of one child.
Some great tips but not much advice for a mother who is employed full time and doesn’t have the luxury of working from home. Or a mother who has several children. Or in my case, a single parent who is self employed, has 7 children and is mobile at work, a different location every day”
Not surprisingly, she gave my book 3 stars. A dissatisfied customer! But she was right. I have no idea how one could successfully be self-employed and raise 7 children, single-handedly.
My book was never going to help her. She didn’t need a book on how to be a successful working mother. The book she really was looking for was “How Do I Deal with My Bad Choices?” Because choosing to have 7 children is not a good choice. I have one child, and she needs a lot of my time and attention. There aren’t enough hours in the day for a single parent (or even two parents!) to give 7 children the individual attention that they need.
However, that very nice mother of 7 is not alone. We all make bad choices. We all, on occasion, do things that we later regret. We may marry the wrong person. Or we may go down a career path that doesn’t suit us. Or we may take on more responsibilities than we can handle. The issue isn’t whether we will make mistakes in life, but when.
So, the key to life is learning how to deal with our bad choices. Below are some ways to deal positively with your bad choices and even make the best of them.
Don’t Prolong Your Bad Choices
For many years, I had the mistaken belief that commitment and loyalty were the greatest qualities one could possess. I still believe that – within reason. However, now I also believe that once you’ve realized that you’ve made a mistake, don’t prolong it!
For instance, I once had a job which I stuck with against all reason. My supervisors were immature. There was too much workplace gossip. It wasn’t a positive work environment.
However, instead of looking for a job with another organization, I thought that it was more important to be loyal to my employer and to the people I worked with. Unfortunately, once the economic depression hit, they downsized and let me go. And then I really was in a pickle!
I made the mistake of staying with a bad job for too long. Once the job became frustrating, I should have dusted off my resume and looked for a new one. But I didn’t. I prolonged the problem with the vain hope that the job would get better.
Don’t we all do this? For example, how many people stay in bad marriages against all reason? People will stay in bad marriages for decades. That is awful waste of a life and serves no one.
Don’t prolong your bad choices. Once you know that something isn’t going to work out, end it. Otherwise, you effectively are choosing to be miserable.
Fix What is Fixable
Occasionally, we are stuck with our bad choices. For instance, you can’t do anything if you have too many kids. They are yours until your last breath!
However, most bad choices are fixable. For instance, you don’t have to stay in a bad marriage. You can get divorced. You don’t have to stay in an unsatisfying job. You can find another job. If you live in a neighborhood that is unpleasant or unsafe, you can move to a place that is better for you and your family.
The problem is that we don’t necessarily want to fix our bad choices. Why? Well, our bad choices are comfortable. I have a friend who was in an awful marriage for almost 30 years. He and his wife couldn’t stand one another. They didn’t sleep in the same bedroom and tried to find ways to avoid one another.
When I asked him why he simply didn’t get divorced, he told me, “Well, I didn’t think that life could be better.” My goodness. To any outsider, it would have been obvious that his life could have been a whole lot better. However, he couldn’t see it at the time. And I suspect that he feared the changes that would come with getting divorced.
Most of us are like this gentleman. We fear change, and that is what keeps us stuck in our bad choices. We don’t fix what is fixable because we would rather be miserable than endure change.
Now, I will admit that the process of change is hard. But once you’ve fixed your bad choice, I can assure you that it is liberating. It is as if a weight has been lifted off your chest, and you can finally breathe again.
Realize Bad Choices Have Their Silver Linings
No bad choice is completely bad. For instance, with respect to the lovely lady who has 7 children, I’ll bet that 7th child is a true blessing to her. She probably thinks to herself, “Yes, these are a lot of kids, but I can’t imagine a world without Child #7.”
Our bad choices often have silver linings. For instance, I’ve had jobs that were bad choices. But with every job, I’ve learned a great deal. Some jobs taught me about being a professional. Others taught me to think on my feet. So, those bad choices were also invaluable learning experiences.
However, the most important thing that I’ve learned from my bad choices is humility. At this stage in my life, I find it very hard to judge anyone. I’ve made enough mistakes in my life that I don’t look at anyone else and think, “Wow, I could never do anything that bad.” Of course, I could. None of us is pure or perfect. We’ve all made mistakes, and we all have the capacity to do really stupid things.
So, realize that we all make bad choices in life. That is just part of being a human being. Be easy on yourself. Instead of feeling badly about your choices, use some of the above approaches and deal with those bad choices in the most positive way possible. (To read about healing your mind from the past, click here.)
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