How to Get Out of Your Own Way and Start Thriving

Sometimes, life is challenging because of other people.  For instance, if you had parents who were unkind or irresponsible (or both), your life will be harder because of them. You’ll have to overcome the psychic damage caused by having crummy parents.  Or, let’s say that you live in a part of the world in which people treat you poorly due to your gender or the color of your skin. Then society is your problem.  And you’ll have to overcome societal sexism and racism in order to succeed.  There are lots of potential outside, negative forces that we may have to contend with in life. 

But the biggest roadblock that we face in life is ourselves.  We are each our own worst enemy.  And the key to thriving in life is learning how to get out of your own way.

That’s a hard truth to face.  It’s far easier to blame other people for our failure to thrive.  After all, taking responsibility for our lives is uncomfortable.  Because then we have to accept that along the way, we may have made some bad choices.   Or, perhaps we tolerated being mistreated, when we should have walked away from a relationship or a situation.  Or, maybe we have bad habits that have kept us from being all that we could be. 

There are so many ways that we can get in the way of our own happiness.

So, if you want to thrive, the key is to learn how to get out of your own way.  Below are approaches to do just that.  Apply them in your own life, and see how much happier you can be!

Stop Worrying About What Other People Are Doing or Saying

So often in life, we waste our time worrying about what other people are up to.  “He isn’t doing enough for me.”  “She has a bad attitude.”  “I don’t like his religious/political views.”  We tend to obsess over what other people are doing, saying and thinking.

But the reality is that what other people are doing, saying or thinking is none of your concern.  Your only concern is YOU.  And your focus should be on (1) whether you are conducting yourself in a highly ethical and moral manner, and (2) whether you are achieving all that you can in life. 

For example, let’s say that someone in your workplace isn’t carrying their weight.  You work quite hard every day, and that person does the bare minimum.  Yet, you both get paid the same amount.  Should it matter to you if that person isn’t working hard?  No!  Your job is to work hard and hold yourself to the highest standard.  If that person chooses to have a poor work ethic, that’s their problem.

Or, let’s say that you have a friend who has a different opinion than you about politics.  That person is voting for one candidate, and you intend to vote for another candidate.  Should you care who they are voting for?  No! You each get one vote.  Concern yourself with your own vote.

So, get out of your own way, and stop wasting your time worrying about what other people are doing, saying, or thinking.  Don’t pay attention to them.  Instead, thrive in life by paying attention to yourself.  Make sure that you are holding yourself to the highest personal and ethical standards.  Focus your attention on YOU, and on being the best possible person that you can be.

Take Charge of Your Own Happiness

We also we get in our own way in life by not taking responsibility for our happiness.  We say to ourselves, “If only my life was like X, then I could be happy.”  But then we aren’t willing to do what is necessary to get to X!  In short, we aren’t willing to take charge of our own happiness.

For instance, lots of people say to themselves, “I could be happy, if my spouse wasn’t a jerk.”  And they bemoan how sad they are because of their terrible marriage.  Yet, they aren’t willing to fix the issue.  They aren’t willing to confront their spouse, and they aren’t willing to get divorced.  In short, they aren’t willing to do what is necessary to be happy.

However, if you want to thrive, you have to take charge of your happiness.  You have to be willing to do what is necessary to be happy. Even if it’s hard. Bemoaning your plight is pointless. 

The same holds true for all kinds of problems in life.  Let’s say that you have adult children, parents, siblings or friends who create all kinds of stress for you.  If you want to be happy, then don’t just sit and complain about those folks.  Either eliminate them from your life, or at the very least, keep them at a distance!  

Now, I’ll concede that distancing yourself from difficult people can be uncomfortable.  But if you want to be happy, the choice is a simple one: Keep unpleasant people at a distance!

And frankly, you don’t have to feel guilty about distancing yourself from negative people or eliminating them from your life.  For example, my husband and I have a happy marriage.  But that is because we choose to treat each other with a great deal of kindness and respect.  And so, our relationship works well.

But we are careful with how we treat each other because we want to stay married.  If either one of us acted selfishly or meanly, that would be a clear sign that that person no longer wanted the marriage.

The same holds true for any relationship that you have.  If someone really wants to be in your life, they’ll treat you with kindness and respect.  If they don’t, that’s their way to saying to you that they don’t want you around.  And therefore, you can leave that relationship guilt-free.

So, get out of your own way by taking charge of your happiness.  Stop blaming your unhappiness on others.  Instead, choose to surround yourself with kind, gentle, generous people who make you happy.  Moreover, choose a job that makes you happy.  Live in a place that makes you happy.  Make choices that allow you to create a life in which you can thrive.

Run Your Own Race

One of the biggest ways that we get in our own way is when we try to compete with others.  Realize that competition (outside of sports) is a complete waste of time.  That’s because you’ll never be the best at anything.  At any given time, there always will be someone who is smarter, more attractive, or more successful than you.  That’s just the nature of life. 

So, you’ll make yourself miserable if you spend your time trying to be better than other people.  Competition only leads to frustration.  It doesn’t lead to achievement.

Rather, the key to thriving is to run your own race.  When you run your own race, you choose your own goals, and you attack them at your own pace.  And you don’t worry about what the person to the left or to the right of you is doing. 

Most importantly, when you run your own race, you don’t go through life feeling insecure because other folks may be ahead of you.  Instead, you feel great about your life, and what you’ve accomplished thus far.  And when you are feeling confident, you then are in the right place mentally to achieve your goals. 

Have a Long-Term View

Yet another way that we get in our own way is by taking a short-term view of life.  We mistakenly think that the situation that we are in today is going to last forever.  And then we get discouraged.

However, if there is one truism about life, it is this: It changes.  Nothing stays the same.  The problems you have today will not go on forever. 

We all know this to be true.  For example, the problems I had even 10 years ago do not exist today.  I may have new problems, but the old ones have gone by the wayside.

And here is the good news: If you grow in wisdom and emotional maturity, life does get better over time.  Ask anyone in their 50s if they would go back to being in their 20s, and they’ll give you a resounding “No!”  That’s because as we age, we become increasingly better at making good choices and at handling the inevitable bumps in the road of life.  As a result, life just becomes better over time.

My own life is far better today than it was even 10 or 20 years ago.  That’s because with each passing year, I learn more about myself.  I’ve learned what kinds of things I like to do with my time, and what kind of lifestyle makes me happy.  I’ve also learned to ignore the “noise” of other people’s negativity and drama.  And I’ve simply learned to like myself and the unique person that I am.

So, if you want to get out of your own way, stop fretting about the problems of today.  Handle them quickly.  But don’t worry about them.  Because life is ever-changing.  And as you grow in wisdom, with each year, your life will become better and better!

Be Kind and Work Hard

If you want to get out of your own way and truly thrive, adopt the following life motto: Be Kind and Work Hard.  I guarantee that if you simply do those two things consistently, your life will be abundantly easier, and you’ll start thriving. 

The problem many people have is that they go through life doing the exact opposite.  For instance, they choose to be mean.  They’ll be mean if they’re in a bad mood, or if they’re feeling badly about themselves.  And because they behave meanly, they don’t have good relationships with anyone.

Others folks choose not to work hard.  They don’t have a proper work ethic.  So, they don’t try to do their best at their jobs.  And they also don’t work hard at home.  So, their careers are a disaster, and their homes are a mess, full of unmade beds, dirty dishes and clutter.

People who are mean, and who refuse to work hard are getting in their own way in life.  If they simply chose to be kind and industrious, their lives would be amazing.  Other people would enjoy their company.  They would have successful careers, and their homes would be pleasant and tidy.  Being kind and working hard truly puts you on the path to thrive!

So, if you want to create a great life, make the choice to get out of your own way.  Stop behaving in ways that don’t benefit you.  Instead, choose habits and attitudes that truly allow you to thrive. (To read about how to take responsibility for your happiness, click here.)