Becoming Your Truest Self: Embracing Your Authenticity

You would think that being your truest self would be an easy thing to do. After all, shouldn’t it just come naturally to be your true, authentic self? Unfortunately, the answer is “no.” Being your authentic self in a world that wants us all to be exactly the same is challenging! Being your truest self is like being a fish who is swimming upstream.

In fact, being your truest self, at times, may make you unpopular. Unless your truest self is “acceptable” by society’s standards, society will not appreciate you and your uniqueness.

As a result, being your truest self takes some bravery. But If you can become your truest self, you, in turn, will become so much happier. Read below about ways to become your truest self and create a happy life that reflects who you really are.

First, Identify Your Core Values

The first step toward becoming your truest self is to figure out what you value. Now, when we’re young, we typically adopt the values of our parents. Then, as we get older, our values are influenced by our peers. But at some point along the line, we need to figure out what we actually value.

When you figure out what your core values are, you then are on the path toward becoming your truest self. So, how do you identify your core values? Well, interestingly, we often we figure out our core values in moments of discomfort.

For instance, when someone asks you to do something that makes you uncomfortable, pay close attention. That’s a sign! In that moment, your brain and body are telling you something about your core values. Listen closely.

For example, for many years, I felt uncomfortable about eating meat. But I mistakenly ignored that feeling of discomfort. Then one day, my daughter and I were talking about our values, and she and I decided to give up eating meat. My husband, who’s a good egg, was happy to go along with our decision. What I found is that after I gave up eating meat, I felt so much better. Why? Because my life now reflected my core values.

So, don’t ignore your feelings of discomfort. They signal something about your core values. Listen to those feelings. The good news is that once you identify your core values, you’ll be on the path to becoming your truest self.

Accept and Acknowledge Your Flaws

Not one of us is perfect. We all have flaws. And to become your truest self, you have to accept that your truest self is in some respects flawed.

That’s a tough pill to swallow. We all want to be perfect and not make mistakes. But as human beings, we are by our very nature imperfect. And the best way to accept your flaws and imperfections is to accept them and not try to hide them.

Sadly, I know people who live in fear that others will discover their flaws. So, they live secret lives. They work very hard to appear to be perfect in public. But in private, they’re highly flawed individuals.

But if you want to become your truest self, you have to be real. That means acknowledging your flaws. Realize that we all are doing some things well in life. And we’re all mucking things up in other ways. And that’s OK!

Your flaws are an integral part of who you are. So, to become your truest self, accept your flaws. Acknowledge them. Because becoming your truest self means accepting your whole self.

Let Go of the Need for External Validation

Society has tough standards. And you very well may end up meeting some of those standards. Or you may not. For example, the world values wealth. Professional success. Marriage. Having children. Being thin. Looking young. Etc. And if you desperately want external validation, you can run yourself ragged trying to achieve all the things that society values.

But why? To be validated by your family? To be validated by your friends? Realize that all those folks are flawed individuals with their own failings. If you get their validation, at best, you can say, “Well, a bunch of very imperfect people find me to be acceptable.” I can’t imagine a bigger waste of time. Instead, why not let go of needing the validation of others?

Instead, seek validation from yourself. Set your own standards and work to meet them. Your own standards will be those that reflect your truest self. For instance, I value kindness. I think kindness is far more important than professional success or any of the other achievements valued by society.

So, when I evaluate my own behavior, the first thing I ask myself is this: “Was I kind?” Because that’s my standard. Then I might ask myself other questions, such as, “Did I act wisely?” After that, I may ask myself, “Did I do my best?” And if I can answer all those questions in the affirmative, then I’m good! The validation of others is irrelevant, as long as I meet my own standards.

So, stop seeking validation from others. Instead, seek your own validation! Set standards for yourself that reflect your truest self. If you live up to those standards, you’ll be living a life that reflects your truest self.

Be Your Truest Self and Be Stubborn about It

Once you’ve become truest self, then commit to being your truest self. No matter what. Be stubborn about it! Even if the world isn’t thrilled with who you are, always choose to be your truest self.

Now, I’ll concede that sticking to your guns and being your truest self is challenging if you’re a young person. After all, when we’re young, we’re trying be accepted by our families and fit in with our friends. But as you age, and once you figure out who you really are, it’s time to stick to your guns and just be you.

Now sometimes being you will mean that you won’t fit in. But here’s the good news: As you get older, you’ll actually enjoy not fitting in!

For instance, there are all kinds of ways that I don’t fit in. And now that I have a couple of decades of life experience under my belt, I’m happy to not fit in. I like being different!

For instance, I don’t drink alcohol. And I don’t eat meat. Moreover, I rarely watch television – I’d rather read a book. Most of society does all those things on a regular basis, and I choose not to. That makes me very different from most people. And I’m perfectly fine with that. In fact, I love being true to myself and marching to the beat of my own drum!

So, be your truest self and be stubborn about it! Operate on your own terms. If you do so, you’ll be so much happier.

If you are striving to become your truest self, consider following the approaches above. Don’t be afraid to be yourself. Remember that there’s only one of you, and your unique self is the greatest gift that you can give the world. (To read about finding the courage to live an authentic life, click here.)