How to Stop Being Self-Critical and Be Kinder to Yourself

Many of us are too hard on ourselves. We may look in the mirror and only see our physical imperfections. Or, we may beat ourselves up for not being more successful. So often, we are our own worst critics. But to be happy in life, you have to stop being self-critical and learn to simply be kinder to yourself.

Realize that being self-critical isn’t productive. You aren’t going to become more attractive or successful by critiquing yourself at every opportunity. Instead, you are going to be miserable.

I spent many years being highly self-critical, and I can tell you that it was a waste of time. When I look back, I realize that being hard on myself didn’t make me a better person. Nor did it make me more successful. Being self-critical just made me unhappy at a time when I should have been enjoying my life, my accomplishments and just being ME!

Fortunately, a long time ago, I decided to give up being self-critical. I decided that I was going to like myself, and I was going to focus on my qualities and talents (not my flaws and failures). I decided that I was going to like myself, even if I wasn’t at my ideal weight or in my dream job. And that was the beginning of my being a happy person.

If you are highly self-critical, I implore you to stop. Instead, get excited about being YOU. Realize that you possess a unique set of qualities that no one else has. That means that you have something incredibly special to offer the world. You have just the right looks, brains and personality. Everything about you is just as it should be.

Below are ways to stop being self-critical and to start treating yourself with kindness. Remember that you are an amazing human being with so much to offer the world (Read that sentence a couple of times. Really let it sink in.). So, start treating yourself with kindness and see how much happier you can be.

Stop Looking at Social Media

The best way to stop feeling insecure and being self-critical is to get off social media. Social media was created as a means by which people could connect. And that was a great idea! Unfortunately, social media has evolved into a means by which people try to compete with their peers. Folks try to show off how happy their marriages are, how amazing their children are, and how lavish their homes are.

But what you see on social media is false. For example, I know a couple who regularly advertises on social media how happy their marriage is. I also know that they haven’t been intimate for decades, and that they both have had affairs. I also know a young lady who continually posts about how her husband is an amazing father to their children. Meanwhile, the reality is that he ignores his kids, and he typically spends his time sitting on the couch playing video games.

What you see on social media simply isn’t real. And yet, so many people feel badly about their lives because social media leads them to think that all their peers are happier, more successful and more popular than they are.

The kindest thing you can do for yourself is to get off social media and stop the comparison game. Stop looking at the “pretend” beautiful lives of other people. Instead, look at your own life. Appreciate all the blessings that you have. Yes, your life may not be perfect. There may be areas that you would like to improve. Well, everyone feels that way.

If you take a break from social media, you’ll stop being so self-critical. More importantly, you’ll become happier with the life that you have. And you won’t be aspiring to a standard of happiness that isn’t real for anyone.

Choose to Focus on Your Qualities (Not Your Flaws!)

Every one of us can look in the mirror and find something that we don’t like about our physical appearance. And we all have areas in our lives, whether they be professional, financial or otherwise, that we’d like to improve. But focusing on where you think that you fall short in life is a recipe for frustration.

Instead, be kind to yourself and focus on your qualities. Focus on the areas where you’ve been successful. When you do so, you’ll develop a positive view of yourself.

The key is to focus on all the things that you love about yourself. Take pride in the parts of your physical appearance that you find to be pleasing. Feel good about all your accomplishments, whether they be current accomplishments or things you did decades ago!

And more importantly, don’t pay a lot of attention to the parts of your life that you aren’t thrilled with. If you’re frustrated with your weight, throw out your scale. Of course, you should eat healthy foods and exercise to be as physically fit as possible. But if that number on the scale upsets you, then throw out the scale!

Likewise, if you are unhappy that your career isn’t farther along, don’t focus on it. Instead, focus on appreciating the job that you have today. Give it your very best effort and enthusiasm. If you do, you’ll be happier with yourself and your career. And you may be surprised to find that your good attitude pays off with promotions and opportunities that you didn’t expect.

So, be kind to yourself and focus on all the things that are wonderful about you and your life. If you do, you’ll realize that your flaws and failures are minor compared to all the things that are great about you.

Be Kind and Compassionate Toward Others

To develop kindness and compassion toward yourself, you have to learn to be kind and compassionate toward others. Realize that kindness and compassion are habits that we develop. When you develop the habits of kindness and compassion toward others, you’ll also become kinder and more compassionate toward yourself.

I know people who only see the flaws of others. It is as if they are wearing special glasses that prevent them from seeing the goodness and positive qualities of other people. It takes emotional maturity to focus on the qualities in other people, rather than to focus on their flaws. But when we learn to do so on a regular basis, our point of view shifts. We become people who not only see the best in others, but we also start seeing the best in ourselves.

And that is the key to being kinder and less self-critical. See the best in others – and in yourself! Have compassion when others fail, and when you fail. Remember that we all are imperfect human beings. Every one of us has flaws. And every one of us fails from time to time.

If you are seeking to become less self-critical, learn to be kinder to yourself by following the approaches above. If you do, you’ll find that you’ll develop a more positive view of yourself. And most importantly, you’ll learn that you possess an amazing set of talents and qualities which you should feel great about! (To read about ways to boost your overall mental health, click here.)