How to Use a Stoic Approach to Overcome Adversity

Stoicism was an ancient Greek philosophy that focused on how to live a good life.  In recent years, the Stoics’ approach to life has become quite popular.  And for good reason.  It’s a philosophy that focuses on developing one’s wisdom and virtues. And it’s through wise and virtuous living that we are able to successfully overcome adversity and live a good life.

Realize that we all will face adversity at some point in our lives.  Adversity is simply part of the human experience.  No matter how carefully you live your life, you will face adversity on occasion. 

For instance, it’s impossible to go through life without facing either your own illnesses or the illnesses of others.  And many of us will experience major challenges during our lives, such as the death of loved ones, divorce or the loss of a job. 

So, given that adversity is an unavoidable part of the human experience, learning how to overcome adversity is a critical life skill.  The good news is that the Stoics offer us an excellent approach to life so that we are better able to face adversity.

Below are some of the Stoic approaches to living a good life.  Incorporate them in your own life, and see how much more skilled you become at handling adversity, so that you can truly thrive.

Learn to Practice Acceptance and Adaptation

The Stoics embraced the concept of “amor fati” which is a Latin phrase meaning “love of one’s fate.”  Admittedly, that is a hard concept to swallow for many of us.  How can we “love” the horrible things that sometimes happen to us in life?    

The key is to remember that we have the ability to use even the most objectively bad things that happen to us to our benefit.  That is because even the most terrible experiences can teach you something. 

For instance, I’ll concede that inter-personal conflict is terrible. But you also learn a lot about other people during a conflict. People show their true colors during disputes or arguments. And as a result, during a conflict you quickly learn whether someone is fundamentally bitter and cruel, or kind and mature.

You also learn a lot about yourself, when faced with difficult situations.  When faced with challenges, we learn whether we are resilient, or whether we fall apart when faced with bumps in the road of life.

But most importantly, difficult situations teach us how to adapt to new circumstances.  Realize that adaptability is one of the most important skills that you can develop in life.  After all, life often does not go according to plan.  And if you fall apart when things don’t go as expected, you’ll never succeed in life.

Rather, succeeding in life is all about adaptability.  The folks who are able to bounce back from disappointments and adapt to new circumstances are the ones who ultimately achieve their goals. 

So, love your fate.  Even the bad parts of your fate.  Because your fate is your teacher for how to become a more resilient, adaptable individual.

Focus on Developing Your Virtues

The Stoics believed that a well-lived life was achieved by developing four virtues: wisdom, courage, moderation and justice.  I would add kindness to that list.  The good news is that if we develop our virtues, we will thrive, even when facing adversity.

We all know that virtuous living is the key to a good life.  If you focus your efforts on developing other things, such as wealth and fame, you will struggle in life.  Just look at the multitude of rich and famous people who are miserable.  They use drugs and are sad. They’re unable to handle life’s occasional difficulties because their focus is on the wrong thing.

The Stoics realized that developing your virtues is key to a well-lived life.  After all, being wise and kind in your treatment of others will lead you to have positive relationships.  Being moderate in how you eat and drink will lead you to be healthy.  And being courageous and just will lead you to feel good about yourself, and how you operate in the world.

In our society, we sadly no longer focus on virtuous living.  Instead, we are interested in how many “friends” we have on Facebook, or how many “followers” we have on Instagram.  We are worried about the size of our houses, and the make of our vehicles.  But none of that will lead you to be a good person.  And it’s only by being a good, kind, gentle person that you will ever achieve true happiness in life.

I know people who are happy, and people who are sad.  And I can tell you that your life challenges aren’t what will determine your happiness. Rather, the sole determining factor in whether you will be happy or sad is whether you choose to live a virtuous life. 

For instance, I have several neighbors who are truly virtuous people.  Whenever I encounter them, they are nothing but kind.  They serve others and operate with humility.  And they are happy!

By contrast, over the years, I’ve also known people who were depressed and sad.  And the common denominator among that group was that they were unconcerned with living a virtuous life.  Instead, they were solely concerned with meeting their own needs.  So, they operated without wisdom and kindness.  And their selfishness led to their misery.

So, choose to be like a Stoic!  Focus on developing your virtues.  Live your life concerned with wisdom, courage, moderation and justice (and kindness!). If you do, you’ll thrive in life, even when occasionally faced with adversity.

Practice Emotional Regulation

The Stoics were concerned with developing their emotional regulation.  Emotional regulation is the ability to decide which of your emotions is going to influence your behavior.  In short, it’s the ability to regulate your emotions.

Now, of course, you can’t avoid experiencing emotions.  As human beings, we naturally have emotions.  But when we regulate our emotions, we don’t allow them to willy-nilly dictate our behavior. 

For some of us, that’s easier than for others!  For instance, I know folks who go through life just dramatically saying and doing whatever flies into their heads.  They are ruled by their emotions, and as a result, they don’t act with wisdom. 

Realize that anytime we act solely on emotions, we end up embarrassing ourselves.  I’ve known people over the years who are dominated by their emotions.  So, they sometimes fly off the handle or behave aggressively because they don’t have control over themselves.  They have the emotional regulation skills of toddlers.

By contrast, emotionally mature adults regulate their emotions.  They don’t do and say whatever they happen to feel in the moment.  Instead, they take a step back and rationally ask themselves, “What is the wise thing to do in this moment?”  And if they follow Stoicism, they may ask themselves, “What is the most virtuous thing to do in this moment?”

But how do we develop our emotional regulation skills?  Well, you need to develop a calm mind.  The good news is that there are a multitude of ways to do so.  You might try daily meditation.  Or you can commit to studying philosophy or religion to increase your wisdom.  Regardless of which route you choose, you will have a much easier time navigating life’s challenges if you simply develop your emotional regulation skills.

Develop a Stoic Mindset

The Stoic mindset is very close to the Serenity Prayer, which wisely states,

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

The Stoics believed in focusing their attention on what was within their control – their thoughts, actions and attitudes.  And they believed in not focusing on what they could not control – external events, outcomes and other people’s actions. 

Correctly choosing what to focus on in life is the key to overcoming adversity.  Realize that focusing on what you can’t control is a recipe for frustration.  For instance, try focusing all your energy on controlling how other people act.  I promise you that’s the equivalent of banging your head into a wall.  It’s pointless.  And aggravating.

Better to adopt a Stoic mindset and focus solely on controlling yourself.  Focus on being the most virtuous person that you can be.  Give all your mental energy to operating with kindness, gentleness and generosity in all ways.  And adopt an attitude of bonhomie, the French word for cheerfulness or geniality. 

By focusing solely on ourselves and on what we can control, we are better equipped to deal with any difficult situation.  That’s because we aren’t wasting our time and energy trying to change those things that are outside of our control. Instead, we are productively focusing our energy on what we can control – ourselves. 

Accept the Impermanence of Life

The Stoics understood that life is impermanent.  What that means is that everything is constantly changing.  And in the face of adversity, that’s a reassuring thought!

Sadly, sometimes in the midst of difficulty, we think that life will always be this way.  But the reality is that it won’t always be this way.  Things change.  And most importantly, you can make choices that change your life for the better.

For example, many years ago, I was at a point in my life when I was completely overwhelmed.  I was living overseas, and my home life was awful.  I wondered to myself, “Is my life always going to be this way?”  But just one short year later, I had returned to my home country, had a new job, and had created a peaceful and happy life for myself.  Life changes! It took some effort on my part to get there, but I was able to change my life for the better.

So, the answer to the question, “Is life always going to be this way?” is “No, it won’t always be this way.” 

Admittedly, there are some periods of life during which we thrive.  And there are other periods that we just survive.  And during those periods that we just survive, the key is to remember that life is constantly changing.  Things don’t stay the same.  And very often, we have the power to change our circumstances.  We just have to use that power.

So, when facing adversity, I’d implore you to look to the Stoics.  Follow their wise approach to life.  If you do so, you’ll find that you are better able to handle adversity, and you’ll come out of challenging situations better than ever. (To read about how to become a wiser person, click here.)