How to Create Your Personal Code of Ethics

I know many people who will say without hesitation that they are good people. But then they’ll, on occasion, do and say terrible things. The problem is that for most of us, there’s a gap between how good we think we are and how good we actually are. If you are seeking to close that gap in your own life, the best way to do that is to create personal code of ethics. And then follow it.

Notice that I am using the word personal. A lot of people in this world think that they are “good” because they have certain views about how other people should act. Realize that having grand ideas about how other people should act doesn’t make you good. You are good (or not good) based solely on your own behavior. And the best way to take charge of your behavior is to abide by a personal code of ethics.

Your personal code are rules that guide you in everything that you say and do in life. And your code shouldn’t be flexible! It shouldn’t be something that you follow based on the situation. Rather, it should be a set of rules that you follow no matter what.

Below are ways to create your own personal code of ethics. Develop your own code and get on the path to living a life that truly reflects your values!

Step One: Decide What It Is That You Value

One of the most difficult life lessons is this: We don’t all value the same things. For example, in the United States, we just had an election which made it abundantly clear that even people who are culturally similar don’t necessarily value the same things. So, personal ethics is … well … very personal.

What you value, and what I value, are likely going to be very different. And that’s fine. In fact, we’d all get along a whole lot better if we understood and accepted the fact that we each value different things.

So, the key to developing your personal code of ethics is to figure out what it is that you value. Realize that figuring out what you value will take some trial and error. One approach to figuring out what you value is to consider the people who you admire. What principles do they follow that you find to be particularly impressive? That may give you some clues as to what you value.

For example, I have a neighbor who has an adult daughter who is developmentally delayed. He is a widower, and his daughter lives with him, and he takes care of her. I hold my neighbor in the highest regard because he is responsible. In fact, for me, he is a living example of what it means to be a responsible individual. And through observing him, I’ve learned that being responsible is a trait that I truly value (and admire).

So, take some time to think about what it is that you value. You might think about the people who you admire, and consider why it is that you admire them. In doing so, you’ll figure out what it is that you value. Once you’ve clearly defined your values, you then can move on to the next step in creating your personal code of ethics.

Define Your Life Purpose

The next step in creating your personal code of ethics is to define your life purpose. That means answering these two questions: “What kind of person do I want to be?” And “What do I want to accomplish with this one and only life that I’ve been given?”

Our life purpose provides us with the “Why” behind our personal code of ethics. So, for instance, if part of my life purpose is to be a kind person, then there are certain things I’m just not going to do. I’m not going to insult people, even if I’m tired or in a bad mood. Nor am I going to fire back if someone is rude or unkind to me. Instead, I’m going to choose to be consistently kind, no matter what. Because my overarching life goal is to be a kind person.

You might think of it this way: Your personal code of ethics is based on your values. And your life purpose gives you the motivation to stick to those values! So, your values and life purpose work in conjunction with each other.

If you are having trouble defining your life purpose, another question you might ask yourself is this: “How do I want to be remembered after I die?” “What impact do I want to have had on other people, animals and the earth?” Those kinds of questions help us narrow who we want to be and what we want to accomplish in this life.

The beauty of having a life purpose is that it provides clarity. If you have a life purpose, all the nonsense of the world and other people becomes irrelevant. The noise of the world is just that – noise. And instead, your higher purpose is what drives everything that you do and say.

So, if you are working on your personal code of ethics, define your life purpose. A life purpose will give you a reason to stick to your personal code, no matter what.

Create Situational Guidelines

Once you have a personal code of ethics, then comes the hard part: How to stick to your code! Because a personal code of ethics is only effective if you actually use it.

Admittedly, sticking with a personal code of ethics is hard! The world is a challenging place. People can be rude. Or thoughtless. Some people are aggressive. Others are selfish and immature. And when you have to deal with those kinds of people, following your personal code of ethics can be extremely difficult.

That’s why it is important to decide in advance how you are going to deal with situations in a way that aligns with your personal code. For instance, one challenge that many folks face is having difficult family members over for the holidays. If your personal code of ethics says that you are going to be a kind person, no matter what, then get ready to be challenged during the holiday season!

One way to prepare yourself to be kind during the holidays is to ask yourself these kinds of questions: “If Aunt Betty insults my house, how will I respond?” “If Uncle Ned complains about my dinner menu, what will I say?” Because Aunt Betty and Uncle Ned aren’t changing! They are going to be rude because that’s how they operate. And if you’ve decided that you’re going to be a kind person, no matter what, then you need to decide in advance how you’re going to deal with nutty Aunt Betty and crazy Uncle Ned!

The good news is that if you decide in advance how you’ll respond to challenging situations, then it’s far easier to follow your personal code of ethics. Let’s say that part of your personal code of ethics is to be peaceful no matter what other people around you say or do. If that is your commitment, then you can mentally prepare to peacefully respond to anything that anyone around you says or does.

So, once you have your personal code of ethics, think through how you are going to stay true to that code no matter what challenging situations you face. Decide in advance how you are going to handle those situations in a way that aligns with your code.

Write Out Your Personal Code

After years of writing blog posts, one thing I’ve learned is this: You really know what you think about something when you write down your thoughts. The act of writing out our thoughts gives us clarity where we previously may have had muddy thinking.

There are all kinds of ways to structure a written personal code of ethics. But one approach is to divide it into three parts. Your first part can define what it is that you value. For instance, I have a friend who tells me often that what she values most in life is “kindness.” On the other hand, my husband happens to value responsibility. He views meeting your personal responsibilities to be extremely important. By contrast, my daughter values empathy. In particular, she values having empathy for those who are suffering. We all don’t value the same things. Writing down what you value, therefore, is an useful exercise.

The second part of your written code might be to describe how you are going to put your values into action. How will your life be a reflection of your personal code? For instance, if you value generosity, your code may describe ways that you are going to use your extra income to help others. Or, if you value you kindness, your written code may explain how you will engage in one act of kindness each day. The key is to write down how you are going to live in a way that reflects your values.

The third part of your written code might be to describe situations that your regularly encounter which challenge your values. And then you can explain how you’ll respond to those situations.

So, consider going through the process of writing out your personal code of ethics. You’ll be surprised by how writing out and reading your personal code can help you live a life that truly reflects your ethics and values.

If you are considering creating a personal code of ethics, try following the approaches above. If you do so, you’ll become one of those rare, admirable people who follows an ethical code that doesn’t waver. Your behavior won’t vary whether you are in public or in private. And it won’t vary by circumstance. Rather, your life will be a beautiful reflection of your personal code. (If you would like to read more about how to create a values-driven life, click here.)