“If you don’t make peace with your past, it will keep showing up in your present.” – Wayne Dyer
We all have regrets about the past. We all wish that certain aspects of our lives had gone differently. The problem is that the past is over and done with. You can’t change it. And if you don’t make peace with your past, you won’t be able to be happy in the present.
When we make peace with our past, we let go of the need for it to have been different. For example, I could spend my time wishing that certain aspects of my past were different. I could wish that I’d had a less turbulent upbringing. I could wish that my first marriage had been successful. Those are reasonable desires. But I’ve made peace with those aspects of my past. As a result, I don’t need for those parts of my life to have been different in order for me to be happy today.
When we make peace with our past, we simply accept it. We don’t spend our time feeling badly about it. We don’t spend our time wondering why we didn’t have a picture-perfect life. Rather, we accept that life is by its very nature imperfect.
That sounds simple, but in practice, making peace with our past isn’t easy to do. It is hard to let go of the pain that comes from being hurt by another person. It is difficult to forgive ourselves for having hurt others. As a result, letting go of regrets doesn’t happen automatically.
Below are some strategies to make peace with your past, so that you can have a more content and happier today.
Time Heals Many Wounds
I would never minimize anyone’s suffering. The experiences that some people have had to endure are horrible. All that being said, time does help to heal our wounds. Time doesn’t eliminate our memories, but it does dull the pain of a bad experience.
So, when trying to make peace with your past, give it some time. For example, the stress of going through a divorce can be overwhelming at the time. However, 10 years later, you will have moved on with your life. And you’ll look back and simply think, “Thank goodness that is over with.”
Many experiences are like that. You survive them at the time. Then you look back and are just relieved that they are over. And hopefully, you give yourself a pat on the back for your courage in enduring the experience and coming out successfully on the other side.
Give Your Suffering Value
To feel better about your past, try to use both your good and bad life experiences to your benefit. For example, if I had experienced a perfect life, I could not be a personal development writer. My life experience has allowed me to see people at their best and at their worst. As a result, I’ve been given an insight into how human beings operate.
I’ve seen that the folks who put on a great public face often can be terrible human beings in private. And I’ve observed plenty of bullies. I’ve witnessed folks with no personal moral code, who do whatever they can get away with. And I’ve seen that the most decent and kind people are the ones who go through life quietly, doing good deeds without accolade or attention.
My life experiences have given me a greater understanding of both the good and bad of human nature. And all of that gives me some authority to write about the human experience.
So, give your past bad experiences value. Don’t view them as needless suffering. Instead, figure out what they can teach you. Use them to become wiser. Let them give you a better understanding of the good and bad of human nature.
Forgive Yourself
One of the biggest challenges we face when trying to make peace with our past is forgiving ourselves. We may think that we are upset with the person who hurt us in the past. However, we often are more upset with ourselves for not having done things differently.
For example, when I think about my past, I’m really not that upset with people who have hurt me. I probably feel a small amount of irritation with them.
Instead, with respect to my past, the person I am most irritated with is me. I am irritated with myself for not walking away from bad relationships much earlier. I also wish that I had spent my life being less accommodating to others. (Being accommodating on occasion is fine. Being accommodating as a lifestyle is a waste of a life.)
For many of us, then, making peace with our past requires us to forgive ourselves. All I can say is this: Go easy on yourself. No one handles every situation in life perfectly. Most of us try to be good, kind and forgiving. And if, due to our niceness, we get taken advantage of on occasion, it’s OK. Trust me. In the karmic nature of life, things ultimately will work out in your favor.
Consider using the above techniques to make peace with your past. In doing so, you will have a happier and more content today. (To read about focusing on your purpose for today, click here.)
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