Use Gentle, Kind Communication to Have Great Relationships

Often, we mistakenly think that communication is about expressing ourselves. It’s not. I know that flies in the face of what every communication expert will tell you. But the point of communicating with others is not to share your every thought and feeling. Rather, the point of communication is to foster good relationships with other people. And the only way to do that is through gentle, kind communication.

In fact, if you want to have terrible relationships with others, try sharing your every thought and feeling. I can assure you, that after a week, no one will want to be in the same room with you. That’s because a lot of the thoughts that we have are unpleasant and just aren’t worth sharing!

So, good communication isn’t merely about expressing yourself. It’s about expressing yourself honestly and strategically. Good communication occurs when you express yourself only in ways that improve your relationships with those around you. So, if you have something to say that’s honest, but it’s unkind or critical, keep it to yourself! No one needs to hear it.

In fact, the best communication rule is a simple one: Be gentle and kind in every word that you say.

Below are ways to improve your communication skills so that you can have amazing relationships with others. Adopt these approaches. See how kind words and gentle communication can help your relationships flourish!

Use Kind Words to Build Trust

One of the many truisms about relationships is this: If you aren’t consistently kind, you can’t have good relationships with others. That’s because that people won’t trust you. Now, they may spend time with you. They may even befriend you. But they won’t trust you. And without trust, you can’t have a great relationship with another human being.

For instance, there are people I know who I absolutely don’t trust. I can tolerate them. I can even spend an afternoon with them. But I don’t trust them because they aren’t consistently kind. They have the ability to be kind for a short period of time, and then BAM! They’ll say something mean or critical.

Unfortunately, those are the same people who can’t understand why they don’t have good relationships with others. And if you try to explain to them that their mean and critical words prevent them from having good relationships, their response is, “Well, other people are just too sensitive!”

But the sensitivity of others isn’t the problem. The problem is that no one wants to develop a thick skin just to be able to deal with you. So, if you’re unkind, people ultimately will just stop dealing with you because you’re too stressful to be around.

However, the good news is that if you make the commitment to consistently use gentle, kind words, no matter what, you’ll be able to transform your relationships. When people can count on you to be kind and supportive at all times, then they’ll trust you. And that trust will be the foundation upon which you can build great relationships.

Resolve Conflicts by Using Gentle Communication

There are some people in this world who don’t mind conflict. So, they’re rude, unkind or difficult because being at peace with others simply isn’t important to them. Rather, their goal is to be right, or to prove they’re smarter, or to just get their way.

But then there are the rest of us. We’re the folks who don’t enjoy conflict. We simply want to be at peace with others. And if, like me, you’re in this second group, realize that the best way to resolve conflicts and be at peace with others is to communicate gently.

The reality is that we aren’t always going to agree with others. That’s just the nature of the human experience. So, learning how to disagree in a gentle way is important skill to develop, if you want to have peaceful relationships with others.

For example, when my daughter was growing up, we had our share of disagreements! Unfortunately, kids and parents don’t always see things the same way. And I’ll admit that sometimes we had some noisy arguments.

But at a certain point, my daughter and I decided that we would only deal with each other in a very gentle manner. And that transformed our relationship.

So, these days, if we, on occasion, disagree, we calmly listen to each other’s points of view. That’s because we highly value each other’s opinions. And we communicate for the purpose of learning from one another. As a result, we never have a disagreement that escalates into an argument.

So, resolve conflicts by using gentle communication. Realize that being gentle during a disagreement means being very, very careful with the other person’s feelings. And it means making clear that you value the other person’s opinion, and that you’re interested in hearing it!

Use Kind Words to Promote More Positive Communication Patterns with Others

In every communication that you have with another person, you’re setting an example. And it’s your choice as to whether to set a positive or negative example for others to follow. The good news is that if you set a positive example by using kind, gentle, encouraging words, others often will fall in line and do the same!

Now, of course, there are outliers who won’t follow your good example. Those folks are committed to communicating in an aggressive, difficult manner, no matter what. But for the most part, if you communicate in a consistently positive manner, others will get with the program and do the same.

For example, over the years, I’ve worked for supervisors who were terrific at using kind words to set the right tone in the workplace. And I’ve had certain friends who are incredibly adept at using kind words to set a positive tone for any conversation.

The key is this: You have to be the one to set the example that everyone else follows. Realize that when you use kind, gentle words, more often than not, other people will follow suit. So, if you want to encourage positive communication, Be a Positive Communication Leader!

Promote Respect in Your Relationships by Using Kind Words

One of the biggest reasons why relationships fail is because one person doesn’t feel respected. A relationship devoid of respect simply won’t last. And unfortunately, we can disrespect people with our words in all kinds of ways. We may speak harshly to someone. Or, we may disregard someone else’s opinion. Or, we may insult others.

By using kind words when speaking to others, we show that we value their feelings and opinions. And that’s what being respectful is all about.

Sadly, in our society, some people are respectful only to those people who they think merit their respect. So, they’ll be respectful to their boss, but they’ll treat their subordinates with disrespect and speak to them unkindly. Or, they’ll speak respectfully to someone who is wealthy, but then they’ll be rude to a waiter or cashier.

But respectful, kind words should be used at all times and with all people. We aren’t supposed to respect people merely based on their age or station in life. We are supposed to treat people respectfully simply because they are other human beings. And it’s the right thing to do!

So, I encourage you to tap into the power of kind words. Use kind, gentle communication in every interaction. If you do, you’ll find that your relationships will blossom, and that your life will become all the more peaceful. (To read about how you can improve your life by becoming a gentle person, click here.)