3 Ways to Increase Your Self-Awareness

“To know thyself is the beginning of wisdom.”
– Socrates

Self-awareness essentially is about knowing yourself. That may sound simple, but it’s not. That’s because we tend not to see ourselves clearly.

Instead, we often view ourselves in idealized terms. So, let’s say that I value patience. I may say to myself, “I value patience, therefore, I’m a patient person.” But that may not necessarily be true.

So, someone with self-awareness will say, “While I believe that being patient is an important character trait, I’m not always patient. I need to work on that.”

Self-awareness is also about being aware of our effect on other people. Many people go through life in a mental bubble. They do and say things with little interest for how their behavior impacts other people. They solely are concerned with how they are feeling.

Self-awareness pops that insulating bubble. It forces us to see with clarity how we are impacting people and the world around us.

The challenge is that becoming self-aware is an uncomfortable process. Realizing that you aren’t the kind of person that you would like to be is a tough pill to swallow. That is why many people don’t become self-aware.

But without self-awareness, you can’t improve as a person. Until you acknowledge that the person you currently are doesn’t line up with who you want to be, there is no possibility for personal growth. You instead live in delusion.

Below are ways to increase your self-awareness. Consider using some of these approaches to better understand yourself. Once you have a better self-understanding, you can start to become a truly amazing person!

Figure Out Whether Your Actions Align with Your Values

Most of us would describe ourselves as being “kind.” And yet, we live in a world in which unkind things happen all the time. People insult other people. They yell and say abusive things. So, the reality is that most people aren’t actually kind. Most folks are only are kind when they feel like it, which doesn’t make you a “kind” person. That just makes you someone who is kind on occasion.

So, to increase your self-awareness, you have to A. Figure out what you value, and B. Determine if you act in ways that align with those values. And if you are really honest with yourself, you’ll come to the uncomfortable realization that you aren’t living a life that perfectly reflects your values.

I had that type of very uncomfortable epiphany a couple of years ago. I realized that while I am a huge animal lover, and I abhor suffering of any kind, every day I went to the grocery store and bought chicken, beef or pork. And I turned a blind eye to the suffering that these animals endure under our current meat production practices. For years, I just decided to stick my head in the sand and not think about it.

Then I became self-aware. I became aware of the fact that what I ate every day did not align with my values. So, I stopped eating chicken, beef and pork. And I’ve never looked back.

I will admit that it’s uncomfortable to realize that your actions don’t align with your values. And uncomfortable isn’t even strong enough of a word. It’s downright upsetting. And that is probably why most folks would rather stick their heads in the sand than become self-aware.

The value of self-awareness is that it allows us to have these kinds of epiphanies. It allows us to recognize when what we value and how we behave are not aligned. And it is from there that we can truly become the type of people that we want to be.

Take A Hard Look at Your Effect on Others

People like to be unkind, and even cruel, and still call themselves “kind.” So, they’ll tell themselves, “Well, I’m a fundamentally nice person. But if someone upsets me, then I can be unkind.” Or, “I’m really nice, and when I insult people, it’s just a joke. Other folks just need to have a thicker skin.”

Here’s the hard truth. If you say or do mean things to other people – for whatever reason – then you aren’t a nice person. The circumstances of your meanness are irrelevant.

So, being self-aware, in part, means understanding who you are by taking a hard look at how you effect other people. For instance, let’s say that you want to be a good person. (And frankly, who doesn’t want to be a good person?) If being a good person is your goal, then you need to be aware of how your actions impact other people.

So, let’s say that you make a joke at someone else’s expense. To be self-aware, your concern should not be whether the joke was funny. Rather, your concern should be whether your joke hurt the other person’s feelings. Realize that any joke made at someone else’s expense is hurtful. There are no exceptions. The butt of your joke may publicly laugh, but inside, make no mistake, he or she is hurting.

So, a large part of self-awareness is being aware of your impact on others. And then making sure that how you affect others is in line with the type of person who you want to be. And if your goal is to be a good person, then you need to be sure that your effect on others is purely positive.

Increase Your Self-Awareness by Figuring out What Is Behind Your Triggers

We all have different things that trigger us to be upset or angry. An incident that could upset you may not upset me at all. And something that upsets me might be meaningless to you. We all have different personal histories and different things that bother us.

To increase your self-awareness, it’s important to understand what types of things get your blood pressure up! Then when one of those triggering events happens, you can pause, and say to yourself, “I’m not going to get upset over this. I know this issue triggers angry feelings in me. Let me take a step back, cool off, and think about this rationally.”

For example, I get unreasonably irritated when my house isn’t organized and tidy. So, while some folks may go through life never making their beds in the morning and leaving their clothes on the floor, unmade beds and dirty clothes outside of a hamper get on my last nerve. I expect dirty dishes to be washed immediately and not left in the sink. And I despair at a messy closet.

And over the years, I’ve become aware that my entire mood can shift if I walk into a room, and it’s in disarray. So, I’ve had to learn to manage those feelings of irritation.

These days, I don’t get mad. If I walk into a messy room, I just set to work to get things organized. And I try to put the mess in perspective. “It’s a mess, but it’s fixable!”

We all have things that trigger us and cause our moods to take a rapid downturn. Being self-aware means that you know what those things are. That allows you to better manage your moods and stop those feelings of frustration and irritation before they overwhelm you.

Consider focusing on the above approaches to increase your self-awareness. If you do, you’ll not only learn a lot about yourself, but you’ll end up being better equipped to become the person who you’d really like to be! (To read about the power of taking responsibility, click here.)