How to Become A Better Person

Most of us think that we are good people.  We typically don’t spend our time wondering, “How can I become a better person?”  But then something invariably happens that reminds us that we aren’t as good as we could (or should) be. 

Maybe we are in a bad mood, and we lash out at someone unfairly.  Or perhaps we make a thoughtless or rude remark.  It is at times like these, we are confronted with our own imperfection.  And then we think, “My goodness.  I need to become a better person.”

The unfortunate truth is that we can’t become perfect people.  As human beings, we are by our very nature fallible creatures.  But we can become better people. 

In fact, we should be striving to become better people until the day we die.  We always should be trying to improve both our character and our behavior. 

Below are ways to become a better, nicer, and more decent human being.  If you are struggling with how to become a better person, consider applying these approaches in your own life.

To Be A Better Person, Stop Making Excuses for Your Behavior

If you ask the average, unpleasant, unkind person whether he or she is a “good person,” I guarantee you that person will say, “Of course, I am!”  That is because most folks go through life through life making excuses for their bad behavior.  That person may say, “Yes, I am occasionally rude or unkind, but I always have a good reason for it!”

If you truly want to be a good person, then you have to stop making excuses for your behavior.  Instead, you have to decide to behave in a kind manner, no matter what the circumstances are.

For example, let’s say that someone insults you.  It is reasonable to defend yourself.  But if you want to be a better person, you can’t insult the other person back in retaliation.  Good people don’t use the behavior of others as an excuse for their own bad behavior.  They don’t say, “Well, you wouldn’t believe what he said to me.  I had no choice but to insult him back!”

You have to view your behavior as a stand-alone event.  Forget the context surrounding what you did.  Judge your behavior on its own.  If you do so, you will start being honest with yourself.  And then you’ll start holding yourself accountable for what you say and do.

Be Inclusive

As humans, we naturally desire to be in relationship with other people.  We want to feel like we are part of the group.  That is why it is so important to make other people feel included.  In fact, one of the greatest cruelties that we can inflict on others is to make them feel excluded.

Over the years, I’ve noticed that exclusion is a way for people to feel like they are superior to others.  The idea is that if I exclude you, that means you aren’t worthy to be part of the group.  That, in turn, will make me feel superior to you.  And my hope is that you will feel inferior to me.

Good people don’t operate that way.  They don’t exclude.  So, if you want to become a better person, be someone who makes others feel included in the group.  Be the kind of person who makes people feel comfortable and part of “the gang.” 

To Become A Better Person, Don’t Insult, Even in Jest

There are lots of terms that folks use to pretend that insulting others is OK.  One term is “gentle ribbing.”  Another term is “sibling banter.”  The truth is that insulting others is never OK.  When you insult other people, even in jest, you are being cruel.

Most of us don’t like to think of ourselves as cruel.  We like to think we are funny.  To be clear, making fun of yourself is funny.  There is nothing wrong with self-deprecating humor.  In fact, being able to laugh at yourself and not take yourself too seriously is a good quality!

But insulting others, or making fun of others is cruel.  Period.

If you truly want to become a better person, don’t insult people.  The words that come out of your mouth solely should be words of encouragement and appreciation. 

And if you happen to have little nasty thoughts swirling around in your brain, let them remain there! If you want to be a good person, don’t let them come out.  Instead, find ways to build others up and help them to feel good about themselves!

Make Sure Your Word Is Your Bond

An important part of becoming a better person is being trustworthy.  Good people are reliable.  If they say they are going to do something, they do it.  They meet their commitments and obligations.

So, make sure that your word is your bond.  You want everyone to say, “Well, if Janet said she would do it, I know it will get done.” 

Not everyone operates that way.  Lots of folks make commitments that they have no intention of keeping.  And they think that it isn’t a big deal.  They figure that if they aren’t legally bound to do something, then it is OK not to do it.

That is probably true.  There are no legal ramifications to not keeping your word.  But there are moral ones.  If you want to be a morally superior person, then keep your word.  Even when you don’t really feel like it.  And even when it is inconvenient. (To read more about ensuring that your word is your bond, click here.)

Be Kind and Gentle

Unfortunately, we live in a world which values aggressive behavior. In fact, many of our movies, sports and video games, glamorize aggression.  But aggressive people aren’t good people.  They are just average people who lack self-control.

If we think about the truly superior people in history – Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Jr., the Dalai Lama, Mother Teresa – we don’t laud them for their aggressive behavior.  Rather, we admire them because they were kind and gentle.

To be clear, anyone can fly off the handle and behave in an aggressive manner.  Doing so doesn’t take brains or skill.  But it does take a superior character and self-control to be consistently kind and gentle, no matter the circumstances.

In fact, if you want to be a better person, the most difficult challenge you will face is to be kind and gentle all the time.  That isn’t always easy to do.  But realize that being kind and gentle is the gold standard which defines you as a truly superior person.

Most of us want to become better people.  If you do, then follow the approaches above.  In doing so, you will see your character improve, and you will become the higher quality, better person you seek to be. (To read more about developing your inner beauty, click here.)