How to Be a More Helpful Person

One of the defining characteristics of being an adult is being helpful. That’s what adults do. They help other people, such as their parents, family members, friends, and even complete strangers. If you only serve yourself and don’t help anyone else, you are effectively still a child. So, it’s important to learn how to be a helpful person.

Being helpful is beneficial for two reasons. First, being helpful makes you a better person. It is damaging to your personality if you spend your days solely meeting your own needs. When we help other people, we learn to be less self-centered. And that makes us much nicer to be around!

Second, being helpful smooths the rough edges of our relationships. For instance, I am fully capable of taking my car to be washed and filling up the tank with gas. But on the weekends, my husband often does that for me. Those types of small gestures help our relationship run smoothly. That is because when my husband gets my car washed and fills the tank, that makes me feel cared for. I then express my gratitude to my husband, and he, in turn feels appreciated.

The same holds true for opening doors for people as you are entering a building, or helping someone who is carrying heavy bags. Anytime we help another person, even if that help isn’t absolutely needed, it makes our relationship with that person just a little bit better.

Below are ways to be a more helpful person. Consider adopting these approaches in your daily life. If you do, not only will your relationships improve, but you’ll make the world a far better place.

Be on the Lookout for Opportunities to Be Helpful

We live in a world in which people are loath to ask for help. For instance, I rarely ask anyone for help. I’m an only child, and I’m used to being independent. But even though I’m a very self-sufficient person, I love getting help! When someone offers to help me, it makes me feel cared for. And that’s a good feeling!

So, realize that many people simply aren’t going to ask for your help. They are either very independent, or they don’t want to impose on your time. As a result, if you want to be a more helpful person, you have to be on the lookout for opportunities to be helpful.

Consider starting small. For example, you might make an effort every time you enter a building to hold open the door for others entering and leaving at the same time as you. Or, if you are talking to a friend or family member, and that person mentions a problem, you might think about ways that you could lend a helping hand.

Realize that to be a truly helpful person, you can’t just wait for someone to ask for your help. Typically, those requests are few and far between. Instead, to become a more helpful person, keep your antennae up for opportunities to help others who may not ask for help, but who would be overjoyed to receive your helpful time and care.

Make a Point of Being Helpful to Strangers

Most of us naturally will help our friends and family. For instance, parents will help their kids with their homework and chauffeur them to activities. And on occasion, we all will help a friend who needs a favor. Helping the folks that we know comes easily to us.

But if you want to be a truly helpful person, you have to get out of your comfort zone and help the folks who you don’t know. Certainly, helping someone carry their groceries or opening a door are simple ways to help a stranger. But you also might consider volunteering to help the homeless. Or you could donate to your favorite charity or a local food bank.

The benefit of helping those who we don’t know is twofold. First, when you help a stranger, it makes the recipient feel like the world is a kinder, gentler place. After all, if you are struggling and receive help from a complete stranger, you’ll feel like society cares about you and what happens to you.

In addition, helping people who we don’t know reminds us of our common humanity. When we help people who we don’t know and who may be different from us, we are acknowledging that the human experience can be hard. And we are choosing to help because we, as human beings, are in this thing called “life” together, and we need to help each other.

So, if you want to become a truly helpful person, help people you don’t know. Because when you help someone for no other reason than that they are a fellow human being, you truly are a Helpful Person.

Help with A Smile on Your Face

If you’ve ever been a parent, you’ve had the opportunity to observe what I call “The Grouchy Helper.” For example, children will do the chores that they are told to do, but they’ll do it with a sour look on their faces. Their hope is that if they’re grouchy enough, the next time you’ll think, “Oh, it’s just easier if I do it myself!”

Now, you would think that people would grow out of that kind of petulant behavior as adults. But sadly, I’ve known many grown-up “Grouchy Helpers.” They’re the people in the workplace who tell their boss “that task isn’t in my job description.” Or, at home, they’ll be irritated by having to do basic adult tasks, like cooking and cleaning. They are basically teenagers trapped in adult bodies.

However, if you want to be a truly helpful person, you need to choose to help with a smile on your face. For example, I used to have a job at which my boss asked me to do all kinds of things that weren’t necessarily in my job description. Every time he did so, I’d say, “I’d be delighted to do that!” No matter what type of task he threw at me, whether it was in my job description or not, my response was always, “I’d be delighted!” In fact, my “delighted” response became a running joke between us. But the reality was that I had a daughter to support, and I was grateful to be employed. So, I actually was delighted to do whatever my boss asked!

What I learned from that experience is that helping with a smile on your face is extremely important. There are few things worse than someone who helps out but is clearly irritated to do so. So, if you want to be a truly helpful person, help with a good attitude and a smile.

Set Your Ego Aside When You Are Helping

There are a lot of people who help others to make themselves feel important. So, they’ll help someone, but they’ll make sure that everyone knows about it. It’s nice that they are helping others, but their motivation in helping is to boost their ego.

If you want to truly become a helpful person, you need to set aside your ego. Helping needs to be about the other person. Your goal solely should be to help another person solve their problem. That’s it. Your motivation to help shouldn’t be about you and your desire to feel important. It should be about them.

The reality is that if you have to tell other folks or post on social media whenever you’ve been helpful, then you aren’t really a helpful person. You are being helpful purely to boost your own ego.

Being helpful is about service. It’s about serving others for the purpose of making their lives better, and hopefully to make the world a kinder and gentler place. Serving others is not about accolades. Frankly, sometimes you won’t even get a “thank you” from the person you’ve helped. That doesn’t matter. Because when you are a truly helpful person, it just isn’t about you.

If you are seeking to be a more helpful person, consider some of the approaches above. If you become more helpful, I promise that you will not only grow to be a better person, but you’ll also make the world a far better place. (To read about the benefits of humility, click here.)