5 Tips to Become More Patient with Others

Being patient with others is a struggle for many of us.  The problem is that being impatient creates stress.  It creates stress for you.  And it creates stress for the folks who have to deal with you.  That is why it is critical to learn to become more patient with others.

Unfortunately, some folks mistakenly think that being patient with others is a sign of weakness.  They think, in error, that they show their strength by telling people off, sending angry emails and generally demanding that other folks to do things “their way.”  Nothing could be further from the truth.

Those kinds of impatient behaviors are evidence of only one thing – a lack of self-control.  And a lack of self-control is a sign of weakness.  If other people can steal your peace and lead you to be frustrated, impatient and unkind, then you don’t have control over yourself – other people have control over you. 

By contrast, patient people are in control of themselves.  Their behavior is not swayed by what others do or say.  Rather, they operate according to their own values and ethics, no matter what is going on around them.

Realize that being patient is your ticket to freedom.  Patience leaves you free from being upset all the time because someone did something to “offend” you.  It effectively puts you back in the driver’s seat of your life experience.

Below are ways to become more patient.  Try them and see how much more relaxed and happier you can be!

Develop Your Compassion

If you want to be more patient with others, it helps to be develop your compassion. Realize that when when people are struggling, either professionally, personally or financially, they tend to behave badly. Often, they lash out at those around them.  It takes a lot of emotional maturity to do otherwise, and most people don’t possess that kind of maturity.

As a result, when dealing with someone who is being rude or aggressive, have some compassion and be patient with that person.  Realize that person is undoubtedly dealing with some serious personal issues.  Arguing with them, or telling them off isn’t productive. 

Now, I’m not saying that we should excuse bad behavior.  But we should see it for what it is – a sign of stress and emotional immaturity.  And we shouldn’t waste our time dealing with it.  We just need to be patient and have compassion. And we need to realize that the behavior has nothing to do with us.  Rather, the behavior is coming from a person who is suffering due to insecurity, stress or some other personal pain. 

Don’t Take Things Personally

When we are impatient with others it is because we take their behavior personally.   We think that their behavior has something to do with us.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  If someone is rude to me, that rudeness has nothing to do with me.  That person’s rudeness is solely due to the fact that he or she is ill-mannered.  Nothing more.

It is easy to be patient with others when we don’t take what they are doing personally.  In fact, it is liberating to realize that what other people do and say has absolutely nothing to do with you.  For instance, it someone cuts me off in traffic, jumps in front of me in a line, or insults me, that has nothing to do with me.  That behavior simply indicates that that person is unmannerly.  Once I realize that the behavior of others has nothing to do with me, then I can relax.  That is because their behavior is not a comment on me or my value as a human being.  Rather, it is a reflection of that person’s character.

When I don’t take things personally, then I can go through life not being offended or annoyed by the poor behavior of others.  Their behavior may be irritating to me. I perhaps may feel sorry for that person. But, most importantly, I can be patient with their distasteful behavior.

View Life Through a Gratitude Lens

One important way to become more patient with others is to develop a grateful attitude.  Realize that even the people who we love most dearly are going to irritate us from time to time.  If we only focus on their annoying qualities, we will get fed up with them very easily.

However, if we view others through a Gratitude Lens, it is easier to be more patient.  That is because when we are grateful for others, their annoying qualities nearly disappear, and all we can see are their good qualities.

For example, my husband and I are very different people.  We are both bull-headed, and we have very different ways of doing things.  And if we didn’t look at each other through a lens of love and gratitude, we would annoy each other to no end.  But instead, we truly are grateful for one another and for our marriage.  As a result, the little annoyances that might destroy some relationships have no effect on ours.  Patience comes easily when you are so incredibly grateful for the existence of another human being.

So, if you want to be patient with those you love, be grateful for them.  Then patience is easy to come by.

Decide to Be a Patient Person, No Matter What

It is hard to be patient with others, especially when their behavior is deplorable.  A child throwing a tantrum is hard to deal with.  An adult throwing a tantrum is even worse! 

But you shouldn’t allow the behavior of others to dictate how you act.  Instead, you have to set a standard for your own behavior that is immovable.  You have to decide that no matter what is going on around you, you are going to be patient and kind at all times.

I’ll admit that isn’t easy to do.  Over the years, I’ve occasionally dealt with rude and disrespectful behavior.  And on each occasion, I’ve had to choose whether to respond in kind or to remain patient, respectful and calm.  For the most part, I’ve decided that what is most important to me is to be a person of exceptional character.  And that means that I’ve decided that no matter how distasteful the behavior of others is, I’m going to hold myself to the highest standard of behavior possible.  That is because I’m more concerned about my being an exceptional person than about correcting the poor behavior of others.

So, choose to be a patient person.  Decide that no matter what happens around you, you are going to hold yourself to the highest standard at all times.  Trust me.  When you look back on your life, you will thank yourself for your restraint and emotional maturity!

Walk Away from Challenging Situations

Unfortunately, many folks mistakenly believe that it is their job to “correct” others.  So, they run around putting people in their place.  They tell people off when they don’t like what other folks are doing. 

To be clear, there is only one scenario in which we correct others.  That scenario is between parents and children.  As parents, it is our job to “correct” our children when they are being rude, disrespectful or unkind to others.  That is because our sole job as parents is to send out into the world decent, loving, and respectful individuals.  Not to put too fine a point on it, but if we don’t accomplish that, if we raise crass, rude, aggressive, or disrespectful children, then we’ve failed as parents.

However, it isn’t our job to correct anyone else.  And yet, I’ve shockingly seen people do exactly that.  I’ve seen children tell off their parents.  And I’ve seen folks tell off their spouses, friends, siblings and colleagues.  It’s bizarre behavior, and nevertheless, it happens all the time.

That is because we mistakenly believe that it is our job to tell people when we think they are doing something wrong.  That isn’t our job.  We have one job, and that is to hold ourselves to the highest standard of behavior possible.  What other people are doing is no concern of ours. 

So, when someone is irritating or upsetting you, you have some options.  You can be patient.  Or, you may even calmly and respectfully tell that person that their behavior is upsetting to you.  And if that person isn’t receptive to your concerns, then you can walk away.  You can walk away from the conversation.  Or you can walk away from the relationship.  But being impatient and correcting that person isn’t your job.  And trying to make it your job is foolish.

If you are seeking to be more patient with others, consider applying the approaches above.  When we are patient with others, not only do we go through life in a more relaxed fashion, but we also feel better about ourselves! (To read about increasing your emotional IQ, click here.)