The Art of Being Gracious: 10 Ways to Elevate Your Everyday Interactions

Graciousness is a difficult word to define.   But we all know gracious people when we meet them.  Over the years, I’ve met people who I considered to be exceptionally gracious.  These individuals had impeccable manners.  They were the kind of people who rarely criticized others but instead focused on appreciating other people’s good qualities.  They were never sullen, but always grateful.  These were people who truly had mastered the art of being gracious.

Unfortunately, these days, graciousness is a lost art.  Sadly, in today’s society, it’s acceptable to be negative, critical and uncouth.  Gracious individuals who possess a pleasant, polished demeanor are few and far between. 

So, if you are seeking to become a gracious person, realize that you are choosing to be very different from the rest of society.  You are choosing to be exceptional in a world that condones average manners and average behavior. 

Below are ways to be a gracious person.  Adopt these habits and become the exceptional and gracious individual that you were meant to be!

Express Gratitude

Gracious people are consistently grateful.  If they go to someone’s home for dinner, they express appreciation for the food that is offered, and the efforts made by their hosts.  If they are served at a restaurant, they treat the waiter or waitress with respect and gratitude.  When others do things for them, they immediately say “thank you.” 

For gracious people, gratitude is a habit.  They say “thank you” in the same way that they brush their teeth twice a day.  It’s a reflexive action.

Moreover, gracious people don’t complain that other folks aren’t doing enough for them.  Rather, their focus is on appreciating the kindnesses that they receive.    And most importantly, gracious people don’t keep their appreciation inside their heads.  They say it out loud!

So, if you want to be gracious, be grateful.  Be the kind of person who expresses appreciation for others at every opportunity.

Be A Good Listener

Gracious people are good listeners.  They don’t need to have the attention on themselves in every conversation.  Instead, they are interested in hearing other people’s thoughts and opinions.

The key to being a good listener is to simply be interested in other people and open to hear varying points of view.  That requires you to have an open mind and an open heart.  And that openness will lead you to be a gracious listener.

For instance, I enjoy being the listener in a conversation.  I love meeting people from different cultures and backgrounds, and I like to sit back and hear about their life histories.  For me, meeting folks who aren’t just like me is truly the spice of life! 

So, if you want to be a gracious person, become an active, non-judgmental listener.  Listen to what others have to say without interruption or arguing.  Participate in conversations simply for the sheer joy of learning a little bit more about other people, their life experiences and their unique points of view.

Use Polite, Elegant Language

I’m not a purist with respect to language by any stretch of the imagination.  I’ve been known to mutter some expletives once in a while when I get frustrated!  But to be a gracious individual, generally speaking, you should use more sophisticated language.

Over the years, I’ve worked with people who were masters in the use of language.  The way that they expressed themselves, both in writing and verbally, was truly elegant. 

Unfortunately, these days, with text messaging, we’ve become less formal in our communication.  And that’s to our detriment.  You can say “Thx,” and people will grasp that you are conveying gratitude.  But it’s so much more gracious to say, “Thank you so much for the card and flowers.  Hydrangeas are my favorite.  That was incredibly thoughtful of you.” 

So, if you want to be gracious, elevate how you communicate.  Express yourself in a more thoughtful and sophisticated manner.  Realize that the English language is vast.   Use it to express yourself in as beautiful and elegant a manner as possible.

Be Patient

Gracious people don’t become easily upset or irritated.  Instead, they go through life with a patience and calmness that others don’t possess.

In my younger years, I worked for a gentleman who possessed that kind of smooth, gracious demeanor.  I never observed him become upset.  No matter what was happening, his demeanor was relaxed and easy-going.  One day, I asked him how it was that his feathers never got ruffled.  He told me, “Inside, I may be a little bit upset once in a while.  But I never let people see that I am frustrated. You have to be cool at all times.” 

He truly was the personification of graciousness.  Always mannerly and kind.  And always cool and collected. 

The key to having a gracious demeanor is to not be visibly irritated.  Yes, like my former boss, you may feel annoyed on occasion.  We all feel annoyed once in a while.  But being gracious means exuding a relaxed, easy-going nature, no matter what is happening.  You are striving to appear to be so patient that people remark, “Wow.  She never gets frustrated!  She’s patient and in complete control.”

Apologize Sincerely

Truly gracious people apologize.  Without hesitation. 

The reality is that we all make mistakes.  We all do and say regrettable things from time to time.  Gracious people know that, and they’re quick to apologize if they’ve offended or hurt anyone.

Unfortunately, some people struggle to apologize because they lack humility.  They have an outsized view of themselves, and as a result, they don’t think that they should have to apologize to anyone.  Let me assure you that nothing could be further from the truth. 

There is no person on this earth who is too important to apologize to others.  And there is no person on this earth who doesn’t deserve an apology when their feelings have been hurt.  Gracious people grasp those two immutable truths.  And as a result, they apologize easily, without issue.

By apologizing sincerely and without hesitation, gracious people demonstrate that they possess two of the most important qualities one can have: Humility and A Respect for Others.

Be Helpful

There’s a saying that “Cleanliness is next to godliness.”  I would argue that it’s equally true that “Helpfulness is next to godliness.”  Gracious people are helpful people.

Gracious people do not sit on the couch while others cook, clean or do laundry.  Nor do they sit back and do nothing when a friend or family member is struggling.  Instead, gracious people instinctually want to help out. 

What I’ve observed over the years is that gracious people actually enjoy helping others.  They don’t help out in a downtrodden sort of way.  Instead, they’re the kind of people who like pitching in.  For them, it’s fun.

Years ago, I knew a lady who was the epitome of helpfulness.  At any gathering, she would immediately go and help out in the kitchen.  Moreover, if she thought that you needed any kind of help, she was the first person to offer.  And she made it clear that she was delighted to do so.  She had the most giving, kind demeanor of anyone I’ve ever met.  She truly was a beautiful and gracious person, inside and out.

So, if you are seeking to master the art of being gracious, be helpful.  And don’t just be helpful grudgingly.  Help joyfully!

Be Humble

Gracious people are humble.  They don’t run around bragging about themselves.  Instead, they publicly acknowledge both their strengths and their weaknesses.

The reason why many people struggle to be humble is that humility requires you to be confident in your strengths while also being OK with your weaknesses.  So, a humble person readily can say, “I’m not good at sports, but that’s OK because I’m a pretty good musician!”  Or, “I struggle with standardized test taking, but that’s OK because I’m a good student, and I always do my homework.”  Humble people can easily admit their weaknesses because they feel great about their strengths.

My mother was my first model for humble behavior.  She was an exceptionally talented pianist and organist.  In fact, when I look back, I realize that she was always the most talented person in the room at any given time.  Yet, she never bragged.  Instead, she always was the first to point out someone else’s gifts.  That is humble and gracious behavior. 

So, if you want to be gracious, work at being humble.  Develop a balanced view of yourself in which you are able to publicly acknowledge both your strengths and your weaknesses. 

Be Inclusive

Inclusion is a curious thing.  As human beings, we all desire to be part of the group.  But sadly, what I’ve observed over the years is that some people exclude others as a way to be unkind.

Gracious people don’t do that.  Instead, they include.  In fact, truly gracious people make inclusion their mission.  They’re the kind of people who see someone sitting alone at a party, and they go over to make conversation.  Or, if someone new joins the company, they’re the first to welcome that person.

For example, I have a lifelong friend who is great at including people.  He makes me chuckle sometimes because it absolutely pains him to not include someone in an event or at a holiday gathering.  He simply hates for anyone to feel excluded.  It’s a very dear quality!

So, be gracious by being kind of person who includes others in conversations and activities.  Be the kind of person who makes everyone feel welcome and valued.

Celebrate Others’ Success

One of the most visible ways that you can be gracious is by celebrating the achievements of others.  I’ll concede that sometimes that’s challenging.  If your life isn’t going well, it’s hard to congratulate others for their successes.  But that kind of magnanimous behavior is what separates a gracious person from an average person.

To more easily celebrate others, it helps to stop playing the Comparison Game.  That means that you have to stop worrying about whether other folks are ahead of you in life.  Instead, you have to run your own race and be happy with where you are at in that race. 

I’ll concede that it takes wisdom to do that.  But I’ll give you an insight that might help you:  Often, we look at people and mistakenly think that they’re “ahead” of us. We think that their lives are perfect, while our lives are a mess.  But the reality is that no one’s life is perfect, and everyone has their struggles.

For example, many years ago, I got divorced.  And before my marriage ended, from the outside, people would have thought that my life was perfect.  That’s because I always put a smile on my face, and I was easy-going and friendly.  But the reality was that, at the time, my life was incredibly stressful.  My marriage had failed, and my home life was terrible.  So, realize that you often have no idea what people are going through based on how they appear in public, or by what they post on their Facebook pages. 

As a result, just be gracious and celebrate the successes of others.  When someone you know has a success or an achievement, acknowledge them for no other reason than that life can be hard, and it’s wonderful when anyone has some good fortune in life.

Be Pleasant

People strive for all kinds of things.  Some folks want to be smart.  Others want to be successful.  Some just wish to be beautiful.   But if you want to be a gracious person, the most important quality that you can develop is to be pleasant.

Being pleasant is one of those qualities that is sorely undervalued.  Think about how many people you know who are pleasant.  I suspect that you can count those people on one hand.  It’s a small group!  And yet, we all want to be around pleasant people. 

It’s hard to define pleasantness.  But being pleasant essentially means being positive and easy-going.  Pleasant people are the kind of people who always make others feel at ease and good about themselves.

For example, I know a lady who is the epitome of pleasantness.  She’s very relaxed and has a gentle demeanor.  Her comments are always kind and supportive.  And even though she’s highly educated, she has no desire to make others feel inferior.  The truth is that she isn’t just pleasant.  She personifies graciousness.

So, if you are seeking to become a more gracious person, make being pleasant a priority.  By having a relaxed, positive, and encouraging demeanor, you will be the kind of person who others want to be around.

If you’re interested in becoming a gracious individual, consider following the approaches above.  Become one of those rare gracious people who truly make the world a better place! (To read about how to live a beautiful and elegant life without a lot of money, click here.)